


I Built a Home For You (And For Me)

by Rebelguitargirl2015



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Falling In Love, Fluffy, G!p Lexa, Lawyer! Clarke, Mentions of past abuse of drugs, Mysterious! Lexa, Sexual Encounters, Sexual Tension, Slow Burn, Smut, Snobby! Clarke, Train Stations, Trains, shameless flirting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-01
Updated: 2019-03-05
Packaged: 2019-03-12 09:29:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 44,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13544508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rebelguitargirl2015/pseuds/Rebelguitargirl2015
Summary: Clarke thought she had it all figured out. She had the perfect job and was building a life for herself in Polis City. Apart from her dating life, because she had sworn off dating for a long time. It wasn’t until she meets a mysterious brunette on the train, that she starts to see just how lonely she really is.Lexa had next to nothing when she meets Clarke. She had nothing figured out and didn’t know where her next meal would come from. She just hoped and prayed she would get through each day alive.Meeting each other was the greatest thing that ever happened to either one of them.ORSometimes peace, love and happiness can be found in the most random places.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Here's another story I've been working on. It means a lot to me, so I hope you guys enjoy it. Please forgive me as I get back into updating more frequently. I plan to update all my stories more often and this one as well!
> 
> Find me on tumblr- rebelguitargirl- if you have any questions!
> 
> This story title is based off the song: To Build a Home by The Cinematic Orchestra.
> 
> Please tell me your thoughts on if I should continue it or not. Enjoy!

* * *

 

**Part 1**

 

_There is a house built out of stone_

_Wooden floors, walls and window sills_

_Tables and chairs worn by all of the dust_

_This is a place where I don’t feel alone_

_This is a place where I feel at home_

 

_‘Cause I built a home_

_For you_

_For me_

 

_Until it disappeared_

_From me_

_From you_

 

_And now, it’s time to leave and turn to dust_

* * *

 

Clarke hated taking the train to work every morning. It was always crowded, smelled like garbage and people were always rude. Not the men though because whenever it was too crowded, one of them would offer up their seat to her.

  
  
Clarke would have declined if it wasn’t for her five inch heels she wore. Clarke would sit in the back and keep to herself. She would clutch her briefcase close to her chest and keep her head down until she was a stop away from Polis City.

 

She crossed her legs because of the short, black pencil skirt she wore and focused on the calm, melancholy music coming from her headphones. She tried to drown out the fact that she was on the train, instead of her car which she preferred.

 

She hated having to wake up an half hour earlier just to catch the stupid thing, but Clarke couldn’t afford to be late. She had too many clients that relied on her and always needed to make sure she was in the city an hour before she needed to be.

 

Even looking out at the city couldn’t make Clarke love the train. Clarke left before sunrise, and even watching as the sky changed colors didn’t help either. Clarke tried to enjoy the sunrise and the sky changing colors from an arrangement of orange to pink to finally the sunny blue sky. Clarke never could because of the hustle and bustle of commuters getting to and from work.

 

She would’ve hitched a ride with her best friends, but they didn’t work in the city. Octavia owned her own restaurant and Raven worked for an electrician company. Raven was stationed more in the suburban and rural areas, than she was urban.

  
  
Octavia’s restaurant, The Ark, was just on the outskirts of the city and was in the opposite direction in which Clarke needed to go. She didn’t bother asking Harper or Zoe for a ride, because they both worked at an elementary school down the road from Octavia’s restaurant. So, that left Clarke on this nasty, crowded, smelly train every single day.

 

At least, until her car gets fixed.

  
  
She had Raven look at it multiple times, but even she couldn’t figure out what was wrong. She had it in the shop for a week, and they hadn’t gotten back to her yet. Clarke was starting to think they were conning her for her money.

  
  
A woman like her didn’t belong on this train. She belonged in her nice heated Audi her mother got her for her birthday. She deserved to blast her music loudly and sing off-key before dealing with her stupid colleagues and long hours that being a lawyer ensued.

  
  
She didn’t deserve sitting next to this middle aged man who kept eyeballing her cleavage. Clarke kept shifting uncomfortably and hoped his stop was soon.

  
It wasn’t.

  
  
He rode the whole way, not even being discreet about his leering. It rubbed Clarke the wrong way, but she decided not to pay attention to it. She focused on the soft, calming music that was coming through her headphones.

  
  
It wasn’t until she looked up from her cell phone a couple minutes later that she saw her.

  
  
She was on the opposite side of the train, her eyes glossing over every person on the train. The first thing Clarke noticed was how green her eyes were.

  
  
She kept to herself, Clarke noticed. She would clutch her over-sized hoodie close to herself, but her eyes jumped from person to person. Clarke wondered what this girl did, because her clothes were a little dirty and her face was even dirtier. Clarke wondered briefly if she worked in construction and maybe she was working overnight.

  
  
Clarke had no idea who this girl was, but she fascinated her to no end. Instead of focusing on the middle aged loser who stood zero chances with her, Clarke kept her gaze on the mysterious woman across the train.

 

Clarke feared that the girl’s eyes were going to pop out of her head with how fast her eyes moved from one person to the other, but they didn’t. If Clarke’s suspicion of this girl working in construction wasn’t true, then perhaps, the girl was an undercover agent. Maybe she was looking for someone. The girl was discreet about her staring, always looking at someone when they weren’t paying attention to her. Clarke thought this girl could give the guy sitting next to her some pointers.

 

She would look across the train to the business man in the back talking loudly on his phone, to the trees and birds flying around outside. Her gaze would hop to a woman a few seats in front of her and Clarke noticed how she kept her gaze a bit longer on the girl than needed.

 

Clarke had seen green eyes before, but it was like Clarke was _really_ seeing them on this girl. She never realized how pretty the color green was until now. She noticed how bright the girl’s eyes were as well. How they were warm and inviting one minute, but would harden the next when she stumbled upon something she didn’t like.

 

Clarke almost caught herself smiling at the way the girl would look out the window in wonder. Clarke wondered if this girl was a tourist or if it was just her first time being on a train. It wasn’t Clarke’s first time. She’d been riding this train all week, but had never seen this girl until now.

 

When she wasn’t watching people, the girl was counting. Clarke caught on to the fact that she was counting down, probably how many stops until her own. Clarke tried not to smile. This girl definitely had her attention.

  
But of all the people the woman was observing, she never noticed Clarke staring at her.

 

* * *

 

 

“Here is the updated files you asked for. I picked up your dry cleaning and you have lunch with Mandy Gordon today. You said you wanted to discuss her case further and you didn’t want to do it over the phone.” Anya listed off the things she had done before her boss showed up.

  
  
“Excellent, Anya. Thank you.”

  
  
“Ready for court tomorrow?” Anya asked as she leaned against the desk.

  
  
Anya has been her legal assistant for the past year after she fired her other one. Echo had never showed up on time and took this job as a joke. She just wanted the money. Clarke had a feeling Anya did too, but at least the girl was punctual. She was always here before Clarke and Clarke was here before she even needed to be.

  
  
“Am I ready?” Clarke parroted with a smirk. “I’m always ready. I have this one in the bag. All my evidence is valid and I’m ready to shut shit down.”

  
  
“You’re great at shutting shit down. The greatest. I love watching you in court.” It wasn’t uncommon for Anya to compliment her, but the way she was lingering around, made Clarke think she wanted something. Normally, Anya would already be out of her office, working on documents or answering phone calls.

 

She hadn’t moved from Clarke’s desk, and Anya only did that when she wanted something.

 

“Out with it, Anya. I have a case I need to prepare for tomorrow. So whatever you have to say, just say it.”

  
  
“I need to take the next few days off.” Anya spoke quietly, head dipped down, ready for Clarke to tear into her.

  
  
“I might as well fire you. What happened? You’re the best assistant I’ve ever had.” Clarke never went out of her way to be nice, so the fact that she was nice to Anya said something.

  
  
“I need to head home for a bit. You know the parentals live an hour away and I just... there’s been an emergency.”

  
  
“Unless someone has actually died... Anya, I need you here. Who am I going to run my notes by?”

  
  
“I wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t an emergency.”

  
  
“It’s her again, isn’t it?” Clarke asked softly.

  
  
“She’s out there somewhere, I know it. I won’t give up no matter how long it’s been. She won’t return any of my phone calls and the facility said they can’t even get a hold of her.”

  
  
“Anya, I sympathize with you-“

  
  
“What if it was one of your friends?” Anya tried her luck. She tried to appeal to her boss’ emotional side. She knew it was there, deep down. She tended to shut things down especially when it came to the cases they were given.

  
  
“Anya, why can’t you just file a missing persons report?” Clarke asked the question she always asked, and they fell into their usual bickering.

  
  
“We’ve filed it before and it doesn’t do us any good. She doesn’t want to be found and she’s really good at hiding. That’s why I need to go back and try to find her. Whenever she runs away, she’s usually always close to home. I don’t know why she does this, but I can’t sit here and do nothing. We both know that bad things happen every single day. Every day that I’m here, is another day she could be dead.”

  
  
“Don’t be so dramatic.” Clarke rolled her eyes and Anya huffed in annoyance. She was getting ready to walk out of Clarke’s office, when she stopped her.

  
  
“You’re literally my right hand and an incredible assistant.” Clarke spoke, her eyes trained on the brunette in front of her. She thought about if this was one of her friends. If one of her friends had suddenly went missing, she knew she would do anything she could to get them back.

 

This could easily be Raven or Octavia or anyone else she cared about so she could understand even if she didn’t like it. She would text them during her lunch break, and see how their days were going. Clarke loved her two best friends tremendously and couldn’t fathom something bad happening to either one of them.

 

Clarke would never admit it out loud, but she had a soft spot for Anya. Why wouldn’t she? Anya literally did all the work she couldn't while she prepared to go to court. She was a hard worker and very driven, and was normally always right. Clarke definitely had a soft spot for her.

 

“You’re very reliable and I love having someone to lean on. Never in a million years would I do this…”

 

Clarke held her own breath, the words coming out of her mouth seemed so foreign.

  
  
“But?”

  
  
“You can go. As long as you are in court with me tomorrow, you can go.”

  
  
“Done and done.” Anya said with a radiating smile. “Thanks, Miss. Griffin. You’re like the coolest boss I’ve ever had.”

  
“Yeah,” Clarke shrugged with a smirk. “Now get the hell out of my office!”

  
  
Anya quickly nodded and scurried out, closing the door behind her.

* * *

 

After a long day of doing mostly paperwork, Clarke gathered her things, relieved that the work day was over. Out of habit, Clarke dug around in her purse for her keys when she stepped off the elevator. She frowned when she realized that her car was still in the shop and made a mental note to harass the mechanics about it tomorrow.

  
  
Which meant, she had to take the train again.

  
  
Clarke’s fast walk slowed as she headed to the station. She had her briefcase clutched to her side, and held it with tight fists. She always read about how people got mugged on the train and prayed that it would never happen to her.

  
  
She was happy however that she missed the evening rush. She left her office an hour late, which beat the usual four hours she normally did. There wasn’t as many people waiting for the train back to Arkadia, something that made Clarke feel at ease.

  
  
When the train pulled up, Clarke sat in the back like she always did and took the window seat. She looked around noting how quiet it was compared to in the morning. She was disappointed that she didn’t see the green-eyed girl and sighed. Now she had nothing to entertain herself with.

  
  
As the train started moving and they were coming up on the first stop, Clarke almost jumped out of her seat when the girl she was looking for popped up from one of the seats in the front. She looked around confused and Clarke was glad that the only other person with them was getting off. It left Clarke and the girl alone.

  
  
She looked scared and afraid and Clarke wasn’t sure if she should go over and talk to her. The girl looked close to tears and Clarke quickly stood up.

  
  
“It’s not safe to walk while the train is moving unless you hold on to the rail. You could get hurt.” Clarke had seen this type of defense before. The girl probably knew that she was getting ready to ask her questions she probably didn’t want to answer, so she tried to start a different conversation. Clarke wasn’t going to fall for it like she normally did with her clients.

 

Lexa looked at the woman coming her way, and wondered why she was taking the train in the first place. She didn’t look like train material. Even though Lexa had seen plenty of business people come in and out of this thing, this woman looked like she _didn’t_ belong here.

  
  
Lexa wondered why the woman couldn’t have left her alone. She didn’t have time to explain why she was here right now. It would take hours to get to the actual point. Too many things had happened. Too many people had gotten hurt. Lexa didn’t want this woman knowing anything about her especially the bad.

 

There was something about the way the woman moved, and how she dressed that screamed success. Lexa remembered how that could’ve been her, if she hadn’t been so stupid. The woman reminded her of herself, and it stung.

  
  
She didn’t want this woman coming toward her. Lexa should’ve stopped her, but she didn’t. Those bright blue eyes were making her way over, and they weren’t stopping. Not until the woman was sitting right in front of her, and Lexa had to stop herself from gasping.

  
  
It felt like those deep blue eyes were piercing into her soul, and Lexa felt like the woman could see every flaw she had. Lexa felt like those baby blues could figure out her whole past, and once this woman did, she wouldn’t want anything to do with her.

 

  
“Were you asleep on the train?” Clarke kept her voice soft and non-judgmental. Clarke knew if this girl thought she was judging her she would never say anything. Clarke wasn’t judging at all, she was just curious.

  
  
“No.” The girl shook her head and Clarke smiled at how gentle her voice sounded. It was so delicate and soothing, like a quiet car ride home without hitting any of the potholes. Clarke loved it and already wanted to hear more.

  
  
“I think you were.” Clarke responded, her tone light.

  
  
“I was just tired from work.” The girl responded quietly.

  
  
Clarke took in the dirty clothes and smiled.

  
  
“Do you work in construction?” Clarke asked curiously. The girl stiffened beside her before nodding.

  
  
“I do, and I’m wiped out.” She offered her a brief smile before looking at her. “Do you mind?”

  
  
“Of course!” Clarke responded, getting up and moving a couple seats away.

  
  
“Do you mind waking me before my stop? It’s Arkadia.”

  
  
“Same.” Clarke replied with a smile. “I’ll be sure to wake you.”

  
  
Waking the girl was hard once the train finally came to a halt at Arkadia station. She wouldn’t budge and if Clarke didn’t get them off now, they would miss their stop. Clarke had a minute to get this girl to wake up. The girl was completely knocked out, snoring and all and Clarke had no idea what to do.

  
  
Clarke looked around the train for a clue, when she saw a flyer for one of those indie bands. She remembered all those metal bands Raven had relentlessly tried to get her into. Clarke just didn’t like all the screaming and loud instrumentals. She liked smooth jazz or soft music, maybe even pop. None of that screaming nonsense Raven was obsessed with. Clarke got a headache just thinking about it.

  
  
Clarke looked back at the sleeping girl and prayed this would work. She opened the link that Raven sent her this morning, insisting that the song was a hit. It wasn’t a hit. Clarke’s ears were bleeding by the end of it and she couldn’t make out a single word they were saying, but it was loud.

 

Really loud.

  
  
Clarke cringed, knowing she only had thirty seconds left, and didn’t think twice as she blasted the music. The girl jerked awake and placed a hand over her heart.

  
  
“That’s how you give someone a heart attack!” The girl exclaimed as she rose to her feet. Clarke wasn’t listening to her. She shoved the girl into the direction of the doors knowing they had fifteen seconds left before the train took off again.

  
  
“It woke you up though!” Clarke countered as they made their way onto the platform.

  
  
“I’m sorry, I can’t hear you over my beating heart!” The girl was still clutching her chest and Clarke giggled.

 

“Did anyone ever tell you, you’re funny?” Clarke asked with a smile. She could’ve sworn the tip of the girls ears turned red, but it could also be from the cold.

  
  
“I’ve been told that once or twice.” The girl said humbly.

  
  
“Well, I have to get going. You’ll find your way alright?”

  
  
“I will.” The girl said over the train taking off. “I guess I’ll see you later.”

  
  
“Yeah, I’m sure you will.” Clarke nodded. She was in a hurry to get to the warmth of her loft and started up the stairs.

  
  
What she had no idea of, was the mysterious girl never left the train station that night.

* * *

 

Clarke saw her again bright and early. Her trial was starting in two hours and Clarke was mentally going over every point she had built against the offender. Clarke was halfway through her fifth point when she saw her.

  
  
She was sitting next to someone today. The person was engaging in a conversation that she didn’t look interested in. Clarke found it cute how the girl never told the person to be quiet or shut up. She just smiled and listened to whatever the stranger was saying.

  
  
Clarke was hoping to catch the girl’s eyes, but she never looked her way. She was too caught up in trying to keep her attention on the guy next to her.

  
  
Clarke took a moment to observe the girl. She looked like she was in cleaner clothes from the day before, but her hair didn’t look brushed. Instead, it was in a loose bun, hair falling all out of it. She looked comfortable in her sweats and looked like she wanted to murder the guy next to her, but still, never told him to stop talking.

  
  
Clarke completely missed the girl’s eyes as she walked off the train and headed to work.

* * *

 

She won. She usually always did. Her evidence was always strong and she had a habit of slowly working her way up to her main point. The main point that always had the other side speechless and scrambling to gain the attention of the judge and jury.

  
  
They never recovered from Clarke’s main point. She spent countless hours making it perfect. To sell it to the judge. She knew she was right. She knew the offender was guilty and she got great pleasure in seeing them get taken away. Her client was more than relieved, even brought her in for a hug as they all filed out of the courtroom. It wasn’t an easy process; the trial had lasted hours. Clarke was beyond exhausted and dropped down on the couch in her office, forgetting to close her door.

  
  
She wasn’t surprised when she heard footsteps coming in after her.

  
  
“That was rad!”

  
  
“Anya, no one uses the word rad anymore.” Clarke had an arm over her eyes, the room was suddenly too bright. She had no idea why that trial wiped her out. Maybe it was all the bickering she endured before completely pulling the rug out from under them. Anya was right. It _was_ rad.

  
  
“Okay. Cool, awesome, badass-“

  
  
“Don’t you have somewhere to be?” Clarke asked in monotone. “You don’t have to suck up to me. I already told you, you can leave so be gone. I won the case today so I’ll be just fine.”

  
  
“Thank you, boss. I mean it.”

  
  
Anya was out the door before Clarke could say your welcome.

* * *

 

 

“To Clarke winning! I knew you could do it and don’t forget who helped you go over your notes when you get that check.” Raven giggled as she held her drink up.

  
  
“Sure, use me for my money.”

  
  
“I’ve been trying for years!” Raven laughed out and Clarke rolled her eyes.

  
  
“I’m aware.” Clarke smirked. She knew Raven was just joking around. She had to admit she was right. It wasn’t about the money, but she couldn’t wait for the big, fat check that was going to be waiting for her after winning the case.

  
  
Clarke was on an absolute high. She loved winning. There was nothing better than it, especially if she knew she was right. Which she always was.

  
  
She loved proving that people were guilty. She loved to watch them squirm while they were under oath. She loved to look them in their eyes, noting how they could never keep it for long, before completely ripping them apart. She loved sending the bad people away. She loved being a lawyer.

  
  
“Where is Octavia with the food. I’m dying.” Raven huffed dramatically making Harper chuckle.

  
  
“I swear you’re a walking-talking black hole.” Harper giggled from beside Clarke.

  
  
“I like my food.” Raven said before lightening up at Octavia and John Murphy coming their way with the food.

  
  
“Did I ever tell you how much I love you?” Raven questioned as Octavia set down her steak and potatoes. Raven even placed a kiss on Octavia’s cheek, before the girl blushed and pushed her away.

  
  
“Gross!” Octavia grimaced. “I’m sorry I can’t stay for the celebratory dinner.”

  
  
“It’s okay,” Clarke waved her off. They always came out to eat whenever Clarke would win a case, which was quite often. “It’s on the house, even though I’m willing to pay.”

  
  
“It’s on the house.” Octavia reminded her with a stern look. “Enjoy, ladies! I’ll try to come back if I can.”

  
  
Clarke enjoyed the night out with her friends. Eating, laughing and talking about anything under the sun. She was bummed that Zoe couldn’t make it, but at least Harper was there. She always had fun while she was with them, no matter what they were doing.

  
  
Clarke was munching on her burger, when a color caught her eye. It was a soft emerald that made her heart stop. It was a special drinks menu. Octavia always liked to put out new drinks every once and a while. Clarke couldn’t take her eyes away from the green letters. They sparkled under the low light of the restaurant, and reminded her of those piercing green eyes she saw on the train.

 

She wondered if she was going to see her again tomorrow, and hoped she would. Clarke had no idea why, but the letters on the menu weren’t doing it for her anymore. She wanted to see the real thing. She wanted to see the woman those emerald eyes belonged to.

 

Clarke stopped mid-chew, suddenly self-conscious on whether or not her friends could hear her. (They didn’t, but they would have a field day if they knew she was day-dreaming of a girl she hardly even knew).

 

Clarke shook her head and joined in the conversation that Raven and Harper were having about music. She smiled because Harper was on her side when it came to not liking the metal music that Raven forced them to listen to.

 

Clarke tried to forget about the green eyes and instead focused on enjoying her night out with her friends.

* * *

 

Clarke saw her more over the next couple of days. She was completely swamped at work and wondered why she agreed to let Anya go. It was a poor decision on her part. She didn’t feel like going through the trouble of hiring a three day assistant and decided to just wait it out. She was literally counting down the time until Anya would come back to help her.

  
  
The only thing good that came from Anya being away, was that Clarke saw the girl more. Whether it was waiting for the train or actually being on the train. The girl even went as far as making sure Clarke knew she was aware that she was there.

  
  
The girl would actually look her way, and Clarke had to compose herself every time. She didn’t react in any way, just kept her eyes trained forward even though she did steal a glance at her every now and then. The girl looked good, even covered in dirt.

  
  
Clarke wondered how difficult it must be to work in construction. She always was a walking-talking lie detector and could tell something was off about this entire situation. Clarke knew she let her work take over where ever she was, with whatever she was doing, and vowed not to bring it into this situation.

  
  
This girl was a girl just like her, who needed to ride the train to get to and from work. There was nothing more to it. Clarke told herself that it was going to stay that way. Clarke swore she would keep her distance, because if she got close enough to the girl, she knew she would ask her a ton of questions.

  
  
There was just something about her that pulled Clarke toward her. Clarke wanted to know every single thing. She wanted to know if she actually worked in construction or if she was just lying. She wanted to know if she had a hard time keeping clean on the job or if it was because of something else. There was a lot of things Clarke wanted to know, and knew it would drive the girl away if she just started questioning her. So, no, Clarke never wanted to bring her work into this situation.

 

The day the girl really looked her way, Clarke felt like all the air in her lungs dissipated. One minute Clarke was looking at what stop they were at by looking up at the display screen, and the next, she was looking at the girl.

 

She was looking at this girl in all her glory. Sure, she looked like she hadn’t slept last night. The huge bags under her eyes, and pale face were visible, but the girl still looked good.

 

At first Clarke thought she was looking at someone near her, because it wouldn’t be the first time. But it was clear by the way her eyes moved whenever Clarke shifted in her seat, that the girl was looking at her.

 

It made Clarke’s heart dance in her chest. She was _actually_ looking at her, and Clarke offered her a small smile. It took a little while. Clarke almost thought the girl was sleeping with her eyes open, but slowly, a thin smile spread across her face and Clarke had to contain her excitement. She really _was_ looking at her.

 

They never sat near each other, choosing to keep their distance, but it never stopped their staring. There could be someone standing right in front of her, and Clarke would still look in the direction of the girl. And when the person would move, Clarke smirked because the girl was still looking her way.

 

She enjoyed the staring contest they would have with each other. It was deep and uninterrupted, like they were the only two on the train. Even if people walked between it, they wouldn’t break their stare. Clarke was in a trance with those intense green eyes and that jaw line that looked like it was painted on. This girl sitting across the train seemed unreal and Clarke was _interested_.

 

Out of all the people, why was the girl staring at her? The other day she didn’t even know she existed and now, she wouldn’t stop looking her way. It made Clarke self-conscious.

  
Clarke didn’t know why she was so fascinated by this woman. She had never taken this much interest to anyone on this train. The way the girl was looking out the window. How her eyes lit up at the beautiful city and dulled at the nasty parts of town. The girl was a mystery.

 

One Clarke wouldn’t mind unraveling.

 

Clarke thought it was silly at first. How they had finally caught each other’s eyes one day and never looked away. Clarke didn’t want to. Her mother said it was always in the eyes, and Clarke never related more to that statement than now. Clarke always thought it was more in the heart, but the way those forest greens were looking at her, had her at a lost for words.

  
  
She was glad her friends weren’t here to see her have absolutely no game. She should’ve said something after the first day of intense staring. She should just ask the girl out, ask her to grab a drink. Something other than just _staring_ at her.

 

Clarke didn’t because of her fear of rejection. She hardly knew the girl and it would be weird to just ask her out, especially after all the awkward staring. The girl never looked away though. She kept her eyes on her the whole way until Clarke had to get off. Clarke wondered how far she worked from her, even thought about looking up the nearest construction sight near her, but she never did. Clarke didn’t have time for dating and wasn’t ready to emotionally put herself out there like that.

  
  
It didn’t stop Clarke from day dreaming about those stunning green eyes and cut jawline while she was in her office. It made Clarke weak to her knees until she went to the bathroom, splashed water over her face and forced herself to get it together. She was meeting up with a client soon and didn’t need any awkward sexual tension surrounding her. She didn’t know why she couldn’t shake the girl from her mind. It was something about the way she carried herself, and she had a sense of humor. All her other partners had been so _dull_ , and only wanted her for her money or sex.

  
  
Clarke shook her head when she realized that she was still thinking about the girl. She looked at the clock: 4:30 PM. She had her client coming in at five and needed to prepare. Normally, Anya got all the paperwork ready for her, but Clarke figured she needed to distract herself. That and the fact that Anya was nowhere near her. Clarke sighed. She only had one more day until Anya came back.

 

* * *

 

 

Clarke skipped into work the day Anya came back. One because it was Friday, two because she had her normal staring contest with the gorgeous brunette and three, her friends were getting together tonight for dinner.

  
  
Clarke almost hugged Anya when she saw the girl waiting outside her office door with a cup of coffee from her favorite coffee shop, donuts and a stack of paperwork.

  
  
Anya didn’t even have to say anything as she handed everything over. Clarke was more than grateful for it. Anya always made her days run smoother. That wasn’t something Clarke needed to tell her. Anya already knew. It made her feel useful unlike at home.

  
  
“Any luck?” Clarke asked quietly. They were both huddled around, snacking on the donuts and getting their work done.

  
  
“Nope,” Anya wiped her hands with a napkin. “She’s gotten so good at this. Even the police can’t find her.”

  
  
“I’m sorry, Anya.”

  
  
“It wasn’t a total waste. I could tell my parents and her parents needed to see me. Just to make sure I’m okay. I feel bad for her parents. They are worried sick.”

  
  
Clarke frowned in empathy. The situation really did suck. Anya’s timer went off and she sighed and got up.

  
  
“I’ll be right back with the documents.”

 

“Wait, Anya!” Clarke called to her assistant, who spun around on her heels, looking at Clarke expectantly. Clarke sighed and stood up from her desk.

  
  
“I know ever since you started working here, you’ve been looking for this girl. I don’t know who she is or who she is to you, but I know you care about her,” Clarke explained as she walked over to Anya, her heels clicking loudly against her hardwood floors. “I won’t ask why she’s missing or who she is to you, but I will keep an eye out for her, if you want.”

  
  
Anya had stayed silent ever since Clarke started talking. The startling look on Anya’s face was humorous, but Clarke kept her composure. It wasn’t every day she was _this_ nice, but she had somehow missed Anya while she was away. She always kept everything in check.

  
  
“Do you have a picture of her?” Clarke prompted, making Anya nod dumbly.

  
  
“I have tons!” Anya stumbled over her words and fumbled around with her purse. “Here’s the most recent picture I have of her. A picture of me and her and just one by herself.”

  
  
Anya thrusted three different photographs into her hand and Clarke had to restrain herself from gasping. She had seen this girl before.

  
  
Her long brunette hair was braided back in the oldest picture Anya had of her. Her piercing green eyes as beautiful as ever in the sunlight and Clarke could recognized that jawline in a dark room. She was in a simple shirt and jeans, but they were clean, unlike the dirty ones she wore on the train. Her smile was one of those that reached her eyes, and Clarke didn’t think she had ever seen someone so happy.

 

  
Clarke stared hard at the pictures, hoping her face didn’t give anything away. Should she tell Anya that she had seen this girl before? Should she tell Anya that this girl was nowhere near her home and instead rode the train every morning and night? Clarke had no idea where she was going, but she always seemed to run into her these days.

 

  
Clarke briefly wondered what the green eyed beauty had done to go missing from her family. Willingly missing. Who willing goes missing from their family? Clarke realized that maybe she should’ve pushed harder for the answers, but she already told Anya that she wouldn’t question the situation. It was the lawyer side of her. She wanted to keep this professional, and felt like she was breaking a ton of rules when she finally pulled it together and shook her head.

  
  
“I’ve never seen her before,” Clarke lied straight to her assistant’s face. “But if I do, you’ll be the first to know.” 

  
  
Another lie. But Clarke would have to deal with her sins later. She was starting to figure out that maybe she shouldn’t get in the way of this. This girl was missing apparently and Clarke had recently discovered her at the train station. She had no idea what this girl was running from, and was scared shitless from finding out what.

 

How the police haven’t found her yet? Clarke had no idea. Maybe Anya was right. Maybe this girl was so used to running away that she knew when and where the police would look.

 

Clarke felt terrible as she handed over the pictures. She didn’t miss the way Anya stroked over it. It almost broke Clarke’s heart as Anya smiled sadly and nodded.

 

“I understand, and yes please. Let me know.”

 

Clarke wanted to call back to Anya and tell her she knew exactly where she could find the girl. Clarke could even point Anya in her direction, but something in her told her not to. Something told her to keep her mouth shut, but made it her top priority to find out everything she needed to know about the girl. Maybe asking her out to dinner wouldn’t be such a bad thing.

 

Clarke smiled at the thought and suddenly wished this day was already over so she could go find this girl and figure out what exactly was going on.

 

* * *

 

 

Clarke found her with her hood up, her jeans looked a bit worn and her hoodie was faded black. She was sitting on the bench, waiting for the train. It was running a little behind and Clarke took a minute to simply watch her. She felt weird that this was the girl Anya was searching for. Why was this girl hiding from them, and why was she doing it in such a public spot? Surely, Anya had to have checked the train stations whenever she could.

 

Besides her hood being up, the girl didn’t look like she was hiding from anything. She looked like any other citizen waiting for the train to go home. Clarke wondered briefly where the girl was actually going because it couldn’t have been her actual home.

 

It sparked Clarke’s interest even more as she sat down next to her. The girl looked surprised, but offered her a small smile. Clarke was slightly disappointed because she wanted to see that million dollar smile from the photos.

 

“Hi.” Clarke greeted, looking over at the girl. She had her elbows resting against her knees, her hands clasped together and her foot tapping impatiently against the floor.

 

“Hey.” The girl said, her tone a bit harder from the other day.

 

“It sucks that the train is running late.” Clarke tried to make conversation. Clearly, she picked the right topic.

 

“It’s so stupid. I mean I know something could be wrong, but damn, I have things to do.” The girl’s tapping against the floor only increased and it was slowly driving Clarke insane. She wanted to reach out and place her hand against her leg, but didn’t know how she would take to that. They were still practically strangers.

 

“I completely understand. Not to mention I’m tired and nothing sounds better than a bubble bath.”

 

“That would be heavenly.” The girl sighed dreamily. Clarke forced down the questions and got to the point she was trying to get to.

 

“Anyways, I was thinking that you and I should grab dinner sometime.” Clarke spoke in a smooth, even tone. The girl stopped her shaking and looked at Clarke in disbelief.

 

“You and me?” She frowned, gesturing between the two of them.

 

“Yes, you and me,” Clarke answered, trying not to get discouraged by the fact that she hadn’t said yes. “Is that so crazy?”

 

“A little bit.” The girl chuckled out.

 

“So, is this your way of rejecting me?” Clarke tried to hide her disappointment. The girl was silent for a moment before she sighed. It was one of those, _I’m about to break your heart_ sighs _._ Clarke would know because she’d given people that sigh all the time.

 

“I would love to,” The girl took a deep breath. “But I’m way too busy right now. I can’t.”

 

“You can’t grab dinner with me?” Clarke asked slowly. She was sure she was reading this situation right, but maybe she wrong. Maybe the girl was looking at her everyday because she had something in her hair or teeth. Whatever the reason was, it wasn’t because she liked her.

 

“I’m sure you’re a lovely girl, but I just can’t.” The girl didn’t look like she was going to explain herself at all. She kept her gaze straight, anxiously waiting for the train. Her face growing nervous as the minutes passed.

 

“Well, can you at least tell me your name?” Clarke asked, but the girl just shook her head.

 

“I’m sorry. I- Screw this,” The girl huffed, keeping her head down. “Listen, I have to go.”

 

“Wait, just please tell me your name.” Clarke asked desperately, wondering if she had set the girl off.

 

“I can’t!” The girl finally snapped, but she wasn’t looking at her. She was looking passed her at one of the security guards. “I need to go.”

 

The girl standing before her wasn’t the soft one that had fallen asleep halfway through the train journey. The girl looked like a complete shell of herself. Clarke didn’t mind being yelled at because she knew this wasn’t who she was. She was trying to play it off and act tough, but Clarke knew deep down inside the girl was probably breaking.

 

She looked completely on edge. Her shoulders were stiff, her jaw clamped shut and Clarke didn’t like seeing the girl like this. Her eyes had changed. They weren’t warm or soft, they were hardened in fear, and Clarke wanted to reach out and tell her it was okay.

 

It had to have been the security guard. The second the girl saw him, her mood changed. The girl looked like a deer caught in the middle of the road and someone was going 95 in a 60. Clarke had never seen someone’s eyes get so wide. Clarke looked at the girl, and she could tell she was chewing the inside of her mouth, and then back at the security guard.

 

The girl looked defeated. Sad even. Clarke had no idea what was going on. She knew nothing about the girl, and that was why she asked her out. Clarke frowned because she still couldn’t believe the girl rejected her.

 

Clarke looked back at the security guard once more, but when she turned back around, the girl was gone. She was nowhere in sight. It was as if she was never there. Clarke wished that was the case so they could forget this awkward encounter. Clarke was sure she had this in the bag, just like her trials. She couldn’t believe she just got rejected and the girl left without a sound.

 

The girl was like a ninja.

 

Clarke probably shouldn’t involve herself in this situation (at least, that was what she kept telling herself). She knew it wasn’t going to end well, but when did she ever listen to herself? Most of the cases she had won, had been from not listening to herself.

 

Clarke knew she told herself not to get involved, but she had no idea what was going on with the mysterious girl, and vowed she was going to find out. Even if she had to destroy herself in the process (she felt like she was being a little dramatic with her statement, but she had _no_ _idea_ what she was getting herself into).

 

It might’ve been the most courageous thing she’d ever done.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys enjoy the second part of this story!

 

  
**Part 2**

 

“I could drop dead tomorrow!” Clarke’s mother roared through the line. She didn’t even greet her. She just started being her over-dramatic self. Clarke rolled her eyes, all too used to it and focused on the file in front of her. “Please don’t tell me you’re still at the office.”

  
  
Clarke looked across her room to her assistant, knees deep into a file herself.

  
  
“My job never stops.” Clarke said around a mouth full of noodles. “And did anyone ever tell you how dramatic you are?”

  
“I could literally drop dead tomorrow, and it’s been months since I’ve seen my baby.”

  
  
“Mom, I’m twenty-seven years old. I’m not a baby.”

  
  
“When are you going to come see me? Are you dating anyone? Anyone cute?”

  
  
“You ask me this every time you call me. The answer is no. I sworn off dating, you know that.” Clarke wondered when she got so good at lying. Maybe it was because her job dealt with liars on a daily basis. Clarke had no idea what it was. She tried to force down the guilt every time she looked Anya’s way.

  
  
And now she was telling her mother that she wasn’t dating, when she had just asked someone out the other day.

  
  
Clarke would never tell anyone that she got rejected, and hadn’t seen the girl since. She was afraid this would happen, that was why she took the vow. Until she took the other vow where she swore she was going to figure out what was going on.

  
  
Clarke liked to help people. It was in her blood. With her mother being a surgeon and her dad being a nurse, Clarke just had it in her to want to help. That was the main reason why she became a lawyer. To uncover the true, and lay down the law.

  
  
“You can’t blame me for trying. Anyways, when can I see you?” Her mother was always so clingy. Clarke would never admit it, but she secretly loved it.

  
  
She knew she could hang out with her friends whenever she wanted, but she always came home to an empty loft. She didn’t even have any pets. She was never home, and didn’t want to risk anything happening while she was away. Clarke realized how lonely she was a long time ago, but forced it down, especially with her winning case after case. She was married to her work, and always would be.

  
“The next few weeks are going to be busy, so I don’t know.” Clarke answered and this time she wasn’t lying. She was going to be booked over the next couple of weeks, hardly even having time for her social life.

  
  
“Bummer,” And her mother really did sound disappointed. It made Clarke sigh, when a hand wave caught her attention. Anya was sitting on the other couch, tapping against her wrist. Clarke rolled her eyes but nodded. “Well, I’m sure I’ll see you soon.”

  
  
“You will,” Clarke promised. “Listen mom, I have to go. I’m swamped right now.”

  
  
“Very well,” Abby sighed heavily. “Go. Be a lawyer. I love you.”

  
  
“I love you too.” Clarke said before hanging up the phone.

  
  
“How adorable.” Anya made kissing noises at her until Clarke glared.

  
  
“I could fire you right now if I wanted.” Clarke reminded her with an evil smirk that quickly shut up Anya.

  
  
“I wish you didn’t play that card every time.”

  
  
“And I wish,” Clarke stressed. “That you would get back to work. These trials won’t win themselves.”

  
  
Anya quickly nodded at that. This was their daily routine. Clarke almost spent all day with Anya, and into the night. Clarke had no idea what time she would be going home today, so she had Anya go grab them some dinner while they both got cracking on her cases.

  
  
Clarke was beyond exhausted and her feet were starting to get sore. She needed her claw foot tub, and some smooth jazz to help her relax for the night. She unbuttoned a couple buttons on her shirt before getting back to work.

  
  
All that was heard in the office was the occasional chewing of food, papers turning feverishly and pens scribbling on paper.

 

Yeah, tonight was going to be a long one.

 

* * *

 

 

It was nearing midnight when Clarke finally left the firm. Anya had left an hour before her, Clarke insisting that she needed to look over one more case.

  
  
By the time Clarke walked out of the firm, she was practically dragging her feet to the train station. It didn’t help that she was wearing heels. All Clarke wanted to do was shove them off her feet, and walk barefoot all the way down the stairs and to her train.

  
  
There was barely anyone around the station, only a few stranglers. Clarke focused on getting down the stairs without tripping over her heels and sat on the bench to wait for the train.

  
  
Clarke looked around the lit up tunnel. She looked left and right and noticed how she was alone. Clarke pulled out her phone and went through her messages, mostly Raven talking about this blonde-hair girl she saw the other night, but Raven swore it wasn’t her. Clarke just chuckled and threw her phone back in her purse.

  
  
“Heels.” A voice boomed behind her, making Clarke jump.

  
  
“That’s how you give someone a heart attack!” Clarke repeated the words the girl had said the other day. Clarke’s beating heart only doubled when she heard laughter from behind her.

  
  
“I didn’t meant to scare you.” The girl said as she sat down on the bench. Her face was calm, relaxed even, a completely contrast from the last time Clarke saw her.

  
  
“Heels?” Clarke questioned.

  
  
“Since the first day I saw you, the only shoes you wear are heels.” The girl explained easily, looking up at the brick ceiling that made up the underground tunnel they were in.

  
  
“Listen, about the other day-“

  
  
“I shouldn’t have raised my voice at you. That was my fault. I’m sorry.” The girl apologized before Clarke could. Clarke didn’t think she needed to, she already forgave her.

  
  
“You’re forgiven.” Clarke said and the girl let out a loud sigh of relief.

  
  
“I was afraid for a moment. I don’t normally act like that.” The girl shook her head. “It was very rude of me, and I’m sorry.”

  
  
“Don’t beat yourself up over it.”

  
  
“It’s not everyday a gorgeous woman like you asks me out. You blindsided me.”

  
  
“I didn’t meant to.” Clarke apologized. “I just like to go after the things I like.”

  
  
“And you like me?” The girl asked, her voice the smallest Clarke had ever heard it.

  
  
“I mean, what’s not to like?” Clarke asked with a smirk, but the girl just shook her head firmly.

  
  
“Well, I’m never clean because of my job, so there’s something.”

  
  
“I wouldn’t fault you for that.” Clarke said seriously, hoping that Lexa would open up more about it, but she didn’t.

 

“Are we good?” The girl asked instead. Clarke took a moment, but she nodded.

  
  
“Yes.”

  
  
Clarke had dreams about the smile the girl flashed her that night.

 

* * *

 

  
“Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink!” Harper chanted as Clarke chugged her beer. When she was finished, she wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and burped loudly.

  
  
“Very modest of you.” Raven said from her kitchen. It was Friday night and she decided to have the girls over for dinner. The guys were out getting burgers and Clarke was soaking in the time she was spending with her best friends.

  
  
Being in this loft by herself seriously wasn’t fun for her anymore. She wasn’t clingy and sometimes even drove her friends away when they overstayed their welcome. There was just something about being in this loft by herself that didn’t sit right with her. She was always dating or seeing someone or had someone who wanted to see her.

  
  
She wasn’t used to the whole being single thing. She’d been single for the past two years and was thinking that maybe she should change it. She had a strict no dating rule, and there wasn’t anyone she wanted to date... until now.

  
  
“Clarke?” Harper tapped on her shoulder. Clarke quickly snapped out of her thoughts and looked over to Harper.

  
  
“Yes?”

  
  
“Jasper forgot your order and wanted you to read it to him.” Harper explained, thrusting her phone into Clarke’s chest. Clarke took it with a hard eye roll.

  
  
“You’re an idiot,” Clarke hissed into the phone. “I ordered the simplest thing.”

  
  
“I forgot what you wanted on your burger!” Jasper said in his defense. “Don’t sentence me to a life in prison!”

  
  
“I’m not even a judge!” Clarke snapped, but giggled. “Ketchup, mayo, mustard. Hold the pickles, and if you even think about putting onions on my burger, I really will find a way to sentence you to a life in prison.”

  
  
“Understood, princess.” Jasper muttered into the phone before abruptly hanging up. Clarke was almost positive that Jasper was going to call her back again and ask for her order one more time to make sure he got it right. It made Clarke smile. Even though their guy friends could get annoying, she loved them.

  
  
“Did you hear about the storm that’s going to hit Monday?” Raven asked, tapping away on her phone. “It may even cause flooding. What if we have to evacuate?”

  
  
“Why are you guys so damn dramatic all the time?” Clarke huffed as she grabbed another beer from the fridge.

  
  
“You love me.” Raven stuck her tongue out and finally put her phone down.

  
  
“Yeah, but I did hear about that. We might even have to close down the school. It’s supposed to be really bad.” Zoe chimed in and it made Clarke frown. She had no idea why she was thinking about the mysterious brunette right now. Now wasn’t the time.

  
  
“How much is it going to flood?” Clarke asked curiously.

  
  
“Oh, now she’s interested!” Raven threw her hands up.

  
  
“One to three inches.”

  
  
“Jesus.”

  
  
“I told you it was going to be bad.” Raven scolded her, and Clarke hoped the storm wouldn’t be as bad as either one of her friends were saying. In the back of her mind, she was hoping that the girl would be okay.

  
  
“Clarke!” Harper called from the living room. “It’s Jasper again!”

  
  
“I swear to god, I’m going to shove my foot up his-“

 

* * *

 

 

Raven was right. Getting to work Monday morning was a nightmare. There was people everywhere. People who acted like they’ve never seen rain before, but Clarke could see why they were wary. It was thundering and lightening like no other. Clarke even yelped a few times until she was in the safety of her building.

  
  
Clarke didn’t see the girl this morning, and it rubbed Clarke the wrong way. Where was she? Did she make her way home? Did she even have a home? Clarke knew the girl couldn’t have come back because Anya was as miserable as ever.

  
  
Anya usually gets in these moods where she just didn’t want to talk. Clarke had no idea what happened over the weekend, but it couldn’t have been good. Anya looked pissed. Clarke had no idea at what, and finally sat her down.

  
  
“Everything okay?” Clarke asked, and Anya chuckled.

  
  
“Is everything okay?” Anya giggled out like it was the funniest thing she’d ever heard. “Is everything okay? No, everything is not okay. Have you seen outside? She could be out there in this! It’s pouring down rain and I wouldn’t be surprised if we lost power. I’ve notified every police station in the area, but _nothing_.”

 

Clarke wanted to believe the girl was going to be okay. From what Anya was saying, Clarke had every right to be worried right now. She hadn’t seen the girl since last week, and had no idea where she would be.

  
  
“She sounds like a tough girl. I’m sure she’ll be okay.” Clarke said, but Anya shook her head.

  
  
“I have a bad feeling about this. She doesn’t like thunder and I’m not there to calm her down and tell her it’s going to be okay.” Anya slumped down in the chair and ran her hands over her face. Clarke really wished Anya would stop talking, because she could hear her heart breaking. The girl was probably all alone right now, freaking out with how much it was thundering right now.

  
  
“Why can’t she just come home? I have so many things I need to tell her.” Anya asked hopelessly. “I need to tell her I miss her. I need her, Clarke. I just need her.”

  
  
“I’m so sorry, Anya.” Clarke sighed deeply, placing her hands over Anya’s. “I really am.”

  
  
They were interrupted by Ontari knocking on the door.

  
  
“Sorry to interrupt,” Ontari said and Clarke quickly snatched her hands away. “But boss man needs to see you.”

  
  
Clarke sighed at Ryder wanting to see her so early in her work day, but nodded. Probably to complain about how nothing was going right, or ask her if his tie looked alright. Ryder never had anything important to talk to her about. Clarke could’ve sworn this was his way of just seeing her throughout the day.

  
  
Clarke looked back at Anya once more before heading upstairs.

* * *

  
  
A freaking black and blue bow tie. That was what Ryder wanted to talk about. Of all the people in this firm, he always asked Clarke for her opinion. Clarke should feel honored that Ryder trusted her judgement, but she had things to do, and this wasn’t nearly as important as her cases.

 

He turned his head every which way and asked if it looked good on him. Clarke wasn’t sure what to say because he was the one that wrote her checks. Her big checks. Her really big, living large checks. So, Clarke lied. Something she was doing a lot of lately. The tie looked somewhat okay on him.

  
  
As soon as he got her approval, she was dismissed. Clarke frowned the whole way to the elevator. Ryder was weird, but he was an amazing lawyer and she learned so many things from him.

 

Clarke decided not to think too much into it. Ryder was always like this, but Clarke had a feeling that it was only with her.

  
  
She shook her head and focused on the matter at hand. She needed this day to be over so she could go find the girl. Clarke had to make sure she was okay.

* * *

 

The second the work day was over, Clarke was out of the office so fast, someone would’ve thought the firm was on fire.

  
  
Clarke clicked the button to open her umbrella and waited around an hour for the train. She looked left and right, but the girl was nowhere in sight. She couldn’t keep on looking for her because what if she was really far away, Clarke knew she wouldn’t last long with her heels.

  
  
Clarke finally hopped on the train and went to her loft. She changed into comfortable clothes and held her breath as she called the one person she knew wouldn’t ask questions.

  
  
“Hey, Octavia.” Clarke greeted nervously into the phone.

  
  
“Hey, Clarke,” Octavia’s cheery voice rang through the line. “This storm is crazy right?”

  
  
“It’s nuts!” Clarke said, as thunder rumbled loudly outside. “Listen, I need a favor.”

  
  
“Anything.” Octavia responded immediately.

  
  
“Your car.” Clarke sighed and the line went dead for a moment.

  
  
“My car?” Octavia asked confused. “Clarke it’s crazy out. Just stay inside.”

  
  
“Octavia, I wouldn’t call you if this wasn’t an emergency. I would use mine-“

  
  
“I guess I’ll drive over to you and then you can take it from there?” Octavia asked slowly, trying to see if that was okay. It was more than okay.

  
  
“Yes! That would be perfect.”

  
  
The questioning look on Octavia’s face when she got there would just have to wait. Clarke needed to leave, and she needed to leave now. She waited around as long as she could on the train, she knew the girl wasn’t there and now Clarke had to go find her. She wouldn’t stop until she did.

  
  
She thought about just leaving it up to the police. With all due respect to them, she didn’t think they were going to find her. Clarke had to be smart about this. She didn’t know much about the girl, but Clarke figured she knew enough.

  
  
“My fridge is stocked, eat whatever you like! I shouldn’t be gone more than two hours!” Clarke said as she threw some comfortable shoes on.

  
  
“Please be careful!” Octavia pleaded. “Call me when you get wherever you’re going please!”

  
  
“I will!” Clarke promised. “I owe you big time!”

  
  
Clarke brought Octavia in for a quick hug before dashing out the door. She picked up a pizza and the largest bottle of water they had and was out of the pizza shop in a flash.

  
  
Clarke took her time driving around, wondering if she was the girl, where would she be? Clarke had no idea because she had never ran away from home. Clarke wondered how old the girl was. She knew Anya was twenty-five, so maybe the girl was around that age.

  
  
Clarke checked all the homeless shelters and women homeless shelters in the area. She explained the girl in embarrassingly vivid detail, but no one had seen her. This girl really was hiding away somewhere.

  
  
Clarke checked old buildings, abandoned alleyways. The girl wasn’t there.

  
  
At a red light, Clarke realized that it was still raining and figured the girl was somewhere with a roof. She had to be, and if she wasn’t in an old building. She had to be in....

  
  
Clarke quickly put her blinker on and made the right turn without fully stopping. Clarke didn’t care if she got a ticket right now. She needed to get to this girl.

  
  
The drive to the tunnel was long, but it was worth it. There were cars driving left and right and Clarke quickly put Octavia’s car in park. She sent her a quick text explaining how grateful she was for lending her, her car before getting out.

  
  
Clarke almost smiled at the sight of her. She was wearing all black and Clarke’s smile quickly faded when she realized the girl was shivering.

 

“I should be a police officer or detective.” Clarke spoke quietly so she didn’t startle the girl. Her eyes widened when she looked up and saw Clarke. The girl quickly grabbed her backpack to try and make a run for it.

  
  
Clarke stopped her by placing a hand on her shoulder. The girl immediately jerked out of her hold and shook her head.

  
  
“I come in peace,” Clarke slowly removed her hands away from the girl. “I’m not here to harm you.” Clarke still didn’t get a response. “I’ve been looking all over for you.” She tried. “I have food.”

  
  
That caught the girl’s attention and she finally looked up at Clarke.

  
  
“Would you like some?” Clarke asked and the girl nodded rapidly.

“You won’t run?” Clarke asked, missing the girl from the other day. The one that made her smile. The girl before her looked small and lonely, Clarke hated it.

 

The girl offered her a firm shake of the head and Clarke rushed back over to the car. The girl was leaning against the railing, waiting for her.

 

Clarke figured she would hand over the water bottle first. She jumped when the thunder sounded loudly behind them, and wondered if the girl was really going to spend the whole night out here by herself.

 

Clarke handed the girl the water and she quickly opened it. She was drinking it so fast that it was spilling out around her mouth. Clarke stayed silent, watching her. Her hair was soaking wet, her clothes were worn, and her shoes looked like they were one step from falling apart.

 

Clarke wasn’t stupid. She was starting to piece together the pieces, but she would never say anything or assume until she got the full story. That was definitely the lawyer side of her.

 

“Why don’t we eat in the car?” Clarke suggested softly, but the girl was too busy downing the water. Clarke knew she made the right choice by buying the biggest water bottle they had. “It’s nice and toasty in there, and no offense, but it smells out here.”

 

Clarke waited for the girl to say something. She knew she’d caught her off guard by coming here. Clarke had surprised herself too by doing this. But Clarke couldn’t go back to her cozy loft, thinking about how this girl could be suffering during the storm. Clarke was right, and she wasn’t going to turn her back now.

 

Not after knowing the girl was thirsty and probably starving.

 

Clarke waited until there was barely any more water left for the girl to answer.

 

“Like I said, I come in peace.” Clarke reminded her softly, when the girl was taking too long to answer.

 

“Okay.” The girl finally agreed, a hint of a smile spreading across her face. When she looked up, Clarke gasped and was immediately pulled in by those green eyes.

 

Clarke didn’t miss the little red rim around them. She remembered how Anya said she didn’t like thunder, and had the urge to pull her in for a hug. Clarke didn’t. She kept her distance and motioned toward the car.

 

“I have to warn you it’s not mine, so don’t make a mess.”

 

“Out here stealing cars just to get to me?” The girl asked with a thin smile, that made Clarke laugh. This was the girl she was familiar with. Clarke knew that this was probably another defensive mechanism of hers, but didn’t mind. She loved the girl’s sense of humor.

 

“It’s a friend's.” Clarke explained lightly.

 

“You’re going to let me into your friend’s car?” Clarke looked back to see the girl’s face scrunched up cutely. Clarke swore, this girl was going to be the death of her.

 

“I guess I’m just going to have to trust you.”

 

“I guess so.” The girl responded, following Clarke into the car.  

 

They both settled in the car and the girl groaned when she closed the door and the aroma of pizza hit her. Her stomach rumbled loudly and Clarke reached in the back. She wordlessly handed over the pizza and the girl didn’t waste any time.

 

Clarke waited for the girl to eat before picking up a slice herself. She wanted her to have as much food as she possibly could.

 

“Were you going to stay out there all night?” Clarke broke the silence. She had the radio playing softly in the background.

 

The girl swallowed her mouthful before answering.

 

“Where else was I supposed to go?” She asked as if it was obvious.

 

“A homeless shelter.” Clarke suggested, eyes soft and understanding. They both knew the situation even if they didn’t speak about it.

 

“I can’t.” The girl shook her head helplessly.

  
  
“Can I ask your name?” Clarke tried again, desperately wanting to put a name to her face.

  
  
Clarke thought she was going to get an answer, but it wasn’t what she wanted to hear.

 

“Why are you here, Heels?” The girl huffed, trying to figure out why this stranger was going out of her way to be nice to her.

 

“I dunno,” Clarke shrugged. “I was worried.”

  
  
The girl threw her head back in laughter and Clarke just stared at her, wondering what she was missing. What was so funny that had this girl cracking up?

  
  
“What do you have to be worried about?” The girl stopped her laughter for a second to ask her question, before chuckling again.

  
  
“I have plenty to be worried about!” Clarke said in her defense.

  
  
“Yeah, name what?” The girl demanded and Clarke sighed.

  
  
“I was worried that it would flood badly and something bad could happen to you. I was worried you weren’t okay, and I was right.”

  
  
“I was fine until you showed up.” The girl muttered around her pizza.

  
  
“You were starving.”

  
  
Clarke knew she was right and so did the girl, if her silence was anything to go by. The girl wasn’t laughing anymore. She was focused on the rain that was pounding against the car.

  
  
“I was fine until you showed up.” The girl repeated, adamant that she didn’t need Clarke to come to her rescue.

  
  
“Okay, then you can get out of the car,” Clarke unlocked the doors. The girl gaped at her, wondering if she was being serious. “Since you were so fine until I showed up. Go. Leave. Forget I even came here and I’m keeping the pizza with me!”

  
  
About halfway through the woman’s words, Lexa felt like it was a test. This girl was trying to see if she would actually do it. Lexa was contemplating it, but she didn’t look like she wanted her to leave. It had been so long since anyone wanted to be in her company, so Lexa didn’t move.

  
  
She had a hand against the door handle for a few minutes, before she moved it. She had put her hood up to shelter herself from the rain, but she took it back down. Lexa rested her head against the headrest and softly shook her head. It had been so long since she showed anyone her vulnerable side.

  
  
“No.” Lexa said softly. “Unless you really-“

  
  
“I don’t.” Clarke spoke, knowing exactly what the girl was going to say.

 

“I guess I’m staying?” The girl questioned and Clarke smirked.

  
  
“Only if you tell me your name.” Clarke smiled wickedly. The girl sighed heavily, but nodded.

  
  
“It’s Lexa.” Lexa looked over and locked eyes with Clarke. It was a mess of blue and green as their eyes flickered back and forth.

  
  
“Nice to meet you, it’s Lexa.” Clarke joked and held out her hand and Lexa shook it. Clarke couldn’t help but feel how weak Lexa’s hand shake was.

  
  
“And you?” Lexa asked. “Or I could just keep calling you Heels?”

  
  
“Clarke.”

  
  
“Clarke.” Lexa repeated slowly, as if trying out a new word. “I like it, but I think I’m going to stick with Heels.”

  
  
“And I’ll stick with it’s Lexa.” Clarke giggled. “Which is beautiful by the way.”

  
  
“Thank you.” Lexa smiled humbly before digging in to her third slice of pizza. “Thanks for the pizza.”

  
  
“You’re very welcome.” Clarke nodded and rested against her seat. She was more than happy that she finally could put a name to the face and wasn’t disappointed. Lexa was a beautiful name, and Lexa was a beautiful woman.

  
  
A beautiful woman that was currently pigging out on pizza. One who was starving and had no place to go tonight. Clarke wondered why the world was so cruel to leave someone like Lexa out on the streets alone, without any comfort.

  
  
Lexa looked peaceful right now. She had her eyes closed, head tilted back as she munched on her pizza.

 

Clarke hated to think that Lexa didn’t have a shelter to go home to. But Clarke also thought about Anya, and how she claimed that Lexa was missing. What was Lexa running from and why was she hiding away? There were so many questions running through Clarke’s head, and she couldn’t put any of them together.

  
  
She wanted Lexa to trust her, but Lexa didn’t look like she just trusted anyone. Clarke was at least grateful that she was talking to her.

 

“I have questions,” Clarke tried her faith. She knew it wasn’t going to go well, if the tiny groan Lexa let out was any correlation. “I have _a lot_ of questions, but I’m not going to push or probe. So, instead, I’m going to tell you something about me.”

  
  
“Clarke, you don’t have to.” Lexa whispered as she shook her head.

  
  
“I want to,” Clarke spoke. “I’m not doing this to get you to share something with me, but I’m human too, Lexa and I do worry about things.”

 

Clarke didn’t know if this was the right thing to share, but she just wanted Lexa to _know_. She didn’t talk about it. Who would be so crazy as to open old wounds? This one cut deep and had left a scar. Clarke had no idea why she was doing this to herself, but once the words came out of her mouth, it was had to stop.

 

“My dad died,” Clarke murmured, her voice getting shaky. “It was quick and easy, and I was glad he didn’t suffer. But he was a freakin’ nurse. How crazy is that? He was in the wrong place at the wrong time and he got shot.”

  
  
Clarke took a moment to gather herself. Talking about her past was never easy. No matter how long it’d been since he passed. He was always with her.

  
  
“I was glad it was over before he had to suffer. I got over it the best I could, but I was a mess. For months. I just wish I knew someone who didn’t know my situation. Someone I could talk to without any judgement. I love my friends and family, but it was too much. I just wanted to be invisible for a while.”

  
  
“I’m sorry, Heels.”

 

“I just wish I had someone to talk to that didn’t know my situation. I was happy that my friends were there for me, but it was too much. I just wanted it all to stop. I wanted to lean against someone who hardly knew me. So, I indulged in a lot of flings to help mask the pain.”

 

Lexa stayed silent, letting Clarke hash out her past.

 

“The point I’m trying to make is, you can tell me anything and there won’t be any judgement.”

 

“You and I both know that’s not true.” Lexa spoke truthfully. “I’m sorry, but I can’t do this. I’m more than grateful for the food and that you opened up, but I don’t want to sit here and talk about the bad stuff. I know you have questions, and I know I have the answers.... just not yet.”

 

“Okay.”

 

“I had to lie to a really great friend of mine,” Clarke had no idea why she was saying this. She shouldn’t be saying anything about it. It was too risky, but yet, she kept talking. “I hate that I lied straight to her face, but I just didn’t know how to tell her the truth.”

 

“The truth sucks. It slaps you right in the face and you always demand to know, and once you do, you wish you hadn’t.”

 

“I’m with you there.”

 

“Can I ask you a question?” Clarke asked after a moment, reaching over and grabbing another slice of pizza.

 

“Sure.”

 

“What makes you worried?”

 

“Honestly?” Lexa asked and Clarke nodded.

 

“Where my next meal is going to come from.” Lexa mumbled.

 

Clarke sucked her lips into her mouth. Every suspicion she had about Lexa, was sadly true. They still didn’t say anything about it, Clarke just sighed.

 

“This storm is getting worse,” Clarke pointed out as thunder and lightning surrounded them. “Maybe we should-“

 

“No!” Lexa said seriously, closing the pizza box and handing it back over to Clarke. “I know exactly what you’re about to say, so don’t. I don’t need your pity, especially from someone with money. I’m fine, Clarke. Don’t do this.”

 

“I want to help you. Do you know what my job is?” Clarke pleaded.

 

“What is it?” Lexa asked reluctantly.

 

“I’m a lawyer. It is in my blood to help.”

 

Clarke didn’t miss the way Lexa’s demeanor changed when she revealed what she did for a living. Did that scare her that she was talking to a lawyer? Did Lexa never want to see her again because of it?

 

“Of course you are,” Lexa’s voice trembled. Clarke felt like she made a terrible mistake telling Lexa what she did. “I have to go.”

 

“No! Lexa, don’t do that!” Clarke begged. She liked sitting here and talking with her. She didn’t want to leave like this, especially in this horrendous storm.

 

“I’ll be just fine, but I need to go.”

 

“Just come with me!”

 

“No!” Lexa shouted. “I’m not going anywhere with you. I can take care of myself.”

 

“You could get hurt out there and then what?”

 

“If it’s my time to go, then it’s my time to go.” Lexa shrugged nonchalantly. Lexa was forever surprising her. Her personality was so free-spirited. Something she lacked a bit.

 

“That’s not funny.” Clarke muttered.

 

“I wasn’t try to be,” Lexa finally got out of the car, despite Clarke telling her to stay. “Thanks for the food, Heels. I mean it, but I need to get going.”

 

There was no way Clarke was leaving without Lexa. She wouldn’t be able to deal with herself if something happened to her. Clarke got out of the car and begged Lexa to get back in, but she kept saying no.

 

“Don’t worry about me, Clarke,” Lexa shook her head, even had the decency to smile. “I’ll get through it.”

 

Lexa was already back under the car tunnel, leaving Clarke standing in the rain by herself. Clarke gasped and wondered if she should stay just a bit longer. She noticed how Lexa would jump at the thunder, and hated the position Lexa was putting her in. Clarke didn’t want to leave her here.

 

“I’ll get through it, Clarke!” Lexa shouted over the rain. “I always do!”

 

And with that, Lexa was gone. She had completely vanished right in front of Clarke’s eyes. Clarke had walked into the tunnel, but Lexa wasn’t there. It left her speechless. This girl really was a ninja, but she was also brave.

 

She had to be the bravest person Clarke had ever met to decline help, even though her face was screaming for help, begging for it. Clarke caught the way Lexa hesitated at first, probably thinking how nice it would be to spend a night in an actual bed.

 

Clarke wanted to give that to her, but Lexa didn’t want the help.

 

“Lexa!” Clarke called out, but no response. Where the hell did she go? Clarke figured that she was walking, and Clarke really wished she had kept Lexa in the car.

 

If something happened to the girl, it would break Clarke’s heart.

  
Instead of falling asleep that night, she stayed up the whole night, wondering if Lexa made it through the night.

 

* * *

 

 

Clarke was eager to get on the train the next morning. She almost skipped her breakfast to get there. Knowing that she needed the nutrition for a full day of work, Clarke stayed behind but she hated every second of it.

 

Octavia stayed the night. Clarke didn’t want her to drive in last night’s thunderstorm. Octavia was gone before Clarke could get out the door. She needed to go home and get into uniform before opening up her restaurant.

 

Clarke was grateful that she didn’t poke her too much about the situation yesterday. It was the exact reason Clarke asked Octavia. She knew Raven, Harper or even Zoe would ask too many questions, and she didn’t have that type of time.

 

Even though Octavia looked at her suspiciously all morning, she didn’t say a word. She gave her a hug before leaving out the door. Clarke was right behind her after she shoved some food into her mouth. She needed to get down to the train station to make sure Lexa was okay.

 

After gathering all her stuff, Clarke rushed out the door and to the train station.

 

She looked all around, even going into the bathroom. She missed the train she was supposed to get on to get to work on time, to see if Lexa was going to show up, but she never did. Clarke tapped her heel anxiously against the floor, looking left and right. Lexa wasn’t here.

 

Clarke thought she may have scared her off yesterday. It wasn’t like she could call Lexa to see where she was. From what Anya had said, Lexa didn’t own a phone.

 

Clarke sighed as the next train rolled around. She waited until she had less than a minute before it took off. She waited for as long as she could before the warning that the doors were going to close came on.

 

Clarke walked through the train, trying to be discreet that she was looking for someone. Anya was right. Lexa was very good at hiding. And Clarke didn’t know if she was going to be able to find her this time around.

 

* * *

 

 

“Clarke, I would like it if you came home.”

  
  
“Mother that’s twice in the same week you’ve asked me. I-“ Clarke drawled out annoyed. She didn’t know how many times she had to explain it to her mother. The law didn’t-

  
  
“I’ve been seeing someone, darling.”

 

The words made Clarke stop halfway through signing papers. Her mother had been seeing someone? Since when? For how long? Did he treat her right?

  
  
Clarke put her pen down, suddenly interested in the conversation. As her mother explained that he was a great guy and whatnot, Clarke was already looking up the earliest flight to Washington D.C.

  
  
“Are you free this weekend?” Clarke asked over her mother gushing about this new man.

 

“I could be.” Came Abby’s chivalrous response. “Does that mean you’re coming home?”

  
  
“Yes!” Clarke hissed. She wasn’t as happy to come now that her mother was seeing someone. “I need to meet this guy.”

  
  
“Oh, Clarke,” Abby sighed knowingly. “Please play nice. I won’t have you scaring off anymore men for me!”

  
  
“That was one time and he should’ve been man enough to handle it!”

  
  
“You almost chopped off his finger!” Abby said in disbelief.

  
  
“He should be able to handle a knife better. What if there was an intruder? That poor excuse of a man was going to save you? He’d probably sacrifice you so he could live.”

  
  
“The point is... please, I really like this guy. I want you to like him too.”

  
  
“We’ll see,” Clarke muttered. “I just booked my flight. I’ll see you this weekend.”

  
  
“Oh!” Abby sighed happily. “I can’t wait. I’ll cook all your favorite dishes and make sure to stuff your belly. You can’t live off take out and noodles your whole life.”

  
“Who needs to date, when pizza is literally my soulmate?”

  
  
“You’re gonna turn into one of those things, but it’s okay. This whole weekend will be nothing but home cooked meals so be ready.”

  
  
Clarke’s stomach gave a little grumble just at the mention of her mother’s cooking.

  
  
“I’ll be ready,” Clarke said as Anya knocked on the door, waving around a document. “Listen, I have to go, but I’ll see you Saturday morning.”

  
  
“I’ll be waiting.”

  
“Bye, mom.”

  
“See ya, darling.”

 

“What was that about?” Anya asked curiously as she handed over the document to Clarke.

 

“My mom is seeing someone.” Clarke tried to keep her voice steady, but knew it had cracked a bit.

 

Her mother’s choice in men hadn’t been the greatest, and now Abby was seeing another loser. Clarke didn’t need to meet the man to know she already hated him. She knew she couldn’t get through this weekend by herself, and looked up at Anya.

 

“What?” Anya questioned at the creepy smile that was on her boss’s face.

 

“How would you like a first class ticket to Washington D.C?” Clarke asked with a small smile.

 

“I’ve been to D.C. plenty of times, seeing how we live a couple hours away.” Anya answered, confused as to why her boss was looking at her with a sneaky smile.

 

“Cancel your plans this weekend, Anya.” Clarke used her authoritative voice, and Anya scrunched her face up.

 

“What aren’t you telling me?”

 

“I want you to go to Washington D.C. with me.” Clarke spoke slowly, like she was explaining something to a small child. “I can’t go alone. It’s too short notice for any of my friends to come, so that leaves you. I want you to come to keep me sane. Any friend of mine, is a friend of my mom’s. She’ll even like you better since you work for me.”

 

“You really want me to go with you?” Anya asked shocked that she would be spending the whole weekend with her boss. She’d never done that before.

  
  
“Unless you don’t want to,” Clarke frowned. “But I’m sure you will. My mom will feed you from the second you get through the door until the second you leave.”

  
  
“That does sound pretty tempting,” Anya rubbed her stomach. “We leave so late, I always end up ordering something on the way out.”

  
  
“See!” Clarke tried to sell her point. “Free food and somewhat good company. Go home, pack the bags. We leave tomorrow at five.”

  
  
“In the afternoon?” Anya asked and Clarke giggled.

  
  
“No, silly,” Clarke giggled some more. “Five in the morning.”

  
  
“Five in the morning?” Anya’s eyes bugged out. “Are you crazy?”

  
  
“Only flight time they had. I told you, go home. I just have paperwork. I should be out in the next two hours.”

  
  
“Okay,” Anya said slowly. “Alright. I guess I’ll see you bright and early tomorrow.”

  
  
“Likewise.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I’m going to start adding songs to the beginning of the chapters. I hope you guys are okay with it and I hope you all enjoy part 3!
> 
> The song used in this chapter is called Remember When (Used To Be Used To It) by There For Tomorrow

 

 

**Part 3**

_Your initial reply hit me undercover_

_When I lost my head to it_

_It was out of its time, it was undiscovered_

_As I caught my breath again_

_You were running out of lies to keep under_

_Afraid of your back hands_

_So to speak, you had me shaking at the knees_

_\--_

_Remember when -- we never had to remember when times were better_

_When times were better than this_

_We never had to remember when times were better_

_When times were better than this_

 

 

* * *

 

“You are the worst friend ever!” Raven huffed over the phone. “I guess I’ll just sit here and starve all weekend, while you’re in D.C, eating what has to be the best food in the world. Tell Abby to send me some leftovers!”

  
  
“I will,” Clarke chuckled, although she gave a slight eye roll to her friend as she walked toward the cab. Anya was already putting their luggage in the trunk. “But where are you right now?”

  
  
“It’s five in the morning!” Raven hissed. Clarke could only imagine her rolling over and looking at her clock in disgust. “I’m in bed.”

  
“Where will you be today?” Clarke questioned further. Raven stalled and Clarke smiled triumphantly.

  
  
“Working...”

  
  
“Exactly!” Clarke pointed out. “The weekends are always the busiest for you, so I just asked Anya to come with me.”

  
  
“See, I don’t even know who that is.”

  
  
Clarke stopped in the middle of the sidewalk and gasped.

  
  
“She’s only the best assistant ever.” Clarke flashed a smile toward Anya, enjoying the way the usual stoic woman flushed red.

  
  
“I thought your assistant was Echo?” Raven asked confused.

  
  
“Wow. It’s like we know nothing about each other anymore. We should just end this friendship now,” Clarke faked a sigh before hitting a button on her phone. “I’m on speaker phone, say hi Anya.”

  
  
“Hi, Anya.” Anya repeated the words that had Raven cracking up.

  
  
“I like her already.” Raven chuckled out.

  
  
“Yeah, but back off. She’s mine!” Clarke called.

  
  
“Well, it’s nice to meet you, Anya.”

  
  
“Same?” Anya half-stated, half-questioned. She had no idea who was on the other line, until she looked up at Clarke who was mouthing the words: _my idiot best friend_. Anya smiled and nodded before closing the trunk.

  
  
“Well, Anya and I are off to eat some good food. Try to keep it together until I come back.”

  
  
“Hurry back!” Raven called desperately. “Come back, Jack! Come-“

  
  
Clarke hung up the phone knowing that Raven wouldn’t stop. She didn’t need that type of embarrassment around someone she worked with.

 

“She sounds interesting.” Anya muttered as she closed the trunk, and slightly leaned against it.

 

“She’s something,” Clarke mumbled. “And thanks again for doing this with me on such short notice at five in the morning.”

 

“As long as I get breakfast, I’m good.”

 

“Done,” Clarke smirked. “Let’s go.”

 

* * *

 

 

Clarke rolled her eyes when she spotted a motorcycle in the stone driveway. It didn’t even look like it belonged and Clarke cursed because of course, her mother was dating some biker slob.

 

“You never told me how big your house was.” Anya said in awe as she took in the size of it. It was easily three times bigger than her house at home.

 

“I didn’t think it was that important.” Clarke shrugged it off.

 

It didn’t take long for Abby Griffin to realize her daughter was home. It wasn’t like she was looking out the window waiting for her. The second she caught glimpse of that familiar blonde hair, she was out of her house in a flash.

 

“Honey!” Abby exclaimed as she walked outside in nothing but her robe and slippers.

 

“I could’ve gotten you from the airport, I thought we agreed I would.”

 

“It’s okay, mom.” Clarke sighed. “Getting a cab was much easier.”

 

“Marcus should be out any minute. I’m in the middle of making my famous chocolate pancakes you love so much.”

 

“He spent the night?” Clarke grumbled. They only stayed over if Abby was serious about them.

 

“Yeah, but nothing happened.”

 

“Oh, mom, please,” Clarke shook her head. “I’m not five.”

 

“Okay, well maybe we did-“

 

“I don’t want to hear about it!” Clarke shrieked and covered her ears.

 

“Okay, Okay,” Abby sighed, breathing out a laugh. “I won’t tell you, but we should get inside. I need to check on the pancakes.”

 

“That sounds amazing.” Clarke rubbed her stomach and was getting ready to walk inside, but her mother motioned toward her assistant.

 

“You didn’t tell me you were bringing someone home.” Abby said brightly, clasping her hands together. “Is she your girlfriend? Oh, Clarkey. You did so well. She’s so beautiful.”

 

“Oh my god, mom!” Clarke said in horror. “Please, stop talking. I work with her. You know, Anya? My assistant?”

 

“So, you’re the famous Anya I hear so much about?” Abby asked and brought her in for a hug.

  
  
“I guess I am.” Anya looked between the two of them in confusion.

  
  
“Clarke goes on and on about you. She says such nice things.”

  
  
“Does she?” Anya asked interested to know that her boss thought so highly of her.

  
  
“Don’t overdo it, mom.” Clarke muttered, slightly embarrassed that her mother let out such valuable information.

 

“Alright, I won’t. Let’s get inside.” Abby had a knowing smile on her face, but nonetheless, didn’t say anything else.

 

* * *

 

 

Clarke walked up the brick stairs to her childhood house. She always pretended it was a castle with how big it was when she was little.

  
  
Abby had kept most of the things Clarke didn’t take when she moved into her loft. She had all of Clarke’s dolls when she was a baby in the attic to hand down to her grandchildren.

  
  
Clarke walked alongside Anya as they made their way through the long corridor. Anya let out a low whistle as she looked around.

  
  
“I’m afraid to even breathe.” Anya leaned in and whispered to Clarke.

  
  
“It’s not that expensive.”

  
  
“I could sell this house for over a million dollars. I’d pay off all my student loans.”

  
  
“Don’t go getting any ideas.” Clarke hissed back to her assistant.

  
  
“What are you two whispering about?” Abby asked curiously as she made her way around the island.

  
“Just how lovely your home is.” Anya offered Abby a slight smile, which she beamed back.

  
  
“Thank you!” Abby went back to working on the pancakes. “Please, help yourself to the fruit or some juice while I finish up breakfast. Marcus should be down soon.”

  
  
Clarke stopped listening once she heard the man’s name again. Anya made herself at home and started munching away on the fruit while Clarke walked toward the backdoor.

  
  
She could still see the swing-set her mother refused to take down. She remembered coming home after school and her dad would push her on the swings, or they would run around and play soccer.

  
  
Clarke couldn’t believe she was standing in the middle of the kitchen, waiting on yet another guy her mom was seeing. She tried to be happy for her, but Clarke already hated the dude and she hadn’t even met him. She didn’t want to do this. No matter who she dated, he could never live up to the standards of her father.

  
  
Clarke didn’t know if she could do this. She didn’t know if she could spend a whole weekend at home with this guy. She should’ve scheduled it for next weekend or something. She didn’t even get to say goodbye to Lexa.

  
  
She knew it was over the weekend, and maybe Lexa wasn’t even going to ride the train, but still, she wanted to be back home. She wanted to visit the train station to catch a glimpse of the girl.

  
  
She didn’t want to be here, listening to the heavy footsteps coming down the stairs, ones that could never belong to her father. She didn’t want to turn around and come face to face with a middle age guy, with a giant beard, overly excited to meet her. She didn’t _want_ to do this.

 

Clarke glanced at her mother. She didn’t miss the smile that grazed her face at the sight of the man. Clarke took a deep breath, knowing she was going to have to cooperate and turned to face the man.

 

“It’s a pleasure to meet you!” The man walked straight over to her, his hand out, but Clarke simply stared at him. “I’ve heard so many wonderful things about you.”  


“I wish I could say the same about you.” The comment came out quicker than it registered in her brain, but Clarke couldn’t help herself. This man could never replace her father.

 

“Oh, Clarke,” Her mother said pointedly. “Don’t start.”

  
  
“I don’t know where that hand has been.” Clarke gestured to the hand that was waiting for hers.

  
  
“Clarke!” Abby astonished.

  
  
Clarke only smirked. She knew she had hurt this guy’s feelings, and that was exactly what she wanted to do. She didn’t care if she was twenty-seven or if she was acting childish. She knew the second she saw him (it was definitely before that) that she wasn’t going to like him.

 

“Is this your girlfriend?” Marcus asked, his smile a little more forced.

  
  
“Just my assistant.” Clarke shook her head.

  
  
Marcus nodded his head slightly, looking at Abby for help. Clarke could see out the corner of her eye that her mom only shrugged, and she smirked again.

  
  
It was her mission to make him feel as uncomfortable as he was making her.

  
  
Clarke just hoped breakfast was a smooth affair.

 

* * *

 

 

Clarke loved her best friend, Raven. She was funny, smart and loyal. She always had Clarke’s back no matter what, and would tell her when she was in the wrong. They’d been friends since they were in diapers, and had gone through so much with each other.

 

But, it slightly broke Clarke’s heart that she was happy Raven wasn’t here right now. She knew Raven didn’t make a great buffer. She was too blunt and straightforward. Clarke was afraid Raven would’ve made this thing even more awkward.

 

Anya made an excellent buffer, filling in the awkward silences that accompanied the four of them every so often. She was quick to respond or change the topic if things got too heated. Raven would’ve never done that. She would’ve kept poking at the problem until one of them left upset. Anya was telling stories left and right and coming up with things when Clarke couldn’t answer something.

  
  
Anya made the perfect breakfast date, and Clarke was happy with her decision.

  
  
She could safely conclude that Marcus was, in fact, a biker slob. He used the back of his hands to wipe off any excess food. He chewed incredibly too loud, and would talk with his mouth full.

 

Clarke would never judge someone based off their facial hair, but this guy looked like he’d been in the jungle for too long. His hair was starting to turn grey around the edges, and his leather jacket just didn’t fit at this table.

  
  
Clarke tried to breathe through it, and that was where Anya came in. When Anya sensed that Clarke was getting wound up too tightly, she would jump in with a funny story that had Marcus and Abby cracking up.

  
  
Everything this guy did rubbed Clarke the wrong way. He even had the audacity to smack her mother’s butt when she got up. Clarke had never been so mortified in her life. Abby just giggled, and Anya looked away awkwardly. Clarke should’ve done the same thing, but she couldn’t. She glared at the man across from the table and the only thing keeping her from jumping across the table to kill him was the fact that a felony would ruin her career.

  
  
A career that Marcus thought was boring. Anya didn’t take much offense to it, since she didn’t really want to be a lawyer, but it lit a fire in Clarke, and she was still trying to burn it out.

 

  
“I don’t understand how you could think me saving lives is boring.”

  
  
“You’re not actually saving lives, that’s your mother’s job.”

  
  
Clarke looked across the table to her mom that wasn’t making direct eye contact with her. Not only was Marcus offending her, but her mom didn’t look like she was going to take her side.

 

“Do you know what type of lawyer I am?” Clarke wasn’t focused on her food anymore. She was focused on the poor excuse of a man sitting across from her.

  
  
“No, I don’t.” Marcus answered, and Clarke almost growled.

  
  
“I’m a family lawyer,” Clarke responded. “I handle all things from spousal abuse to divorces. So, please explain to me how saving a wife from an abusive husband or handling a child custody case where there is reason to believe the child is being abused, isn’t saving lives?”

  
  
Clarke was going to let him answer, let him have a chance to save himself. But Clarke should’ve warned him that anyone who offended her work, wouldn’t get off that easy.

  
  
“And you have the nerve to tell me that my job is boring. It’s anything but that. I get a rush knowing I’m saving someone from an abusive situation. That I get to stand up and defend my client, and I win every single time. I save a wife or kid or maybe even a husband from something they can’t save themselves from and you think that’s _boring_? I’ll tell you what’s boring, that stupid ass-“

  
  
“Okay, Clarke! That’s enough!” Her mother said lowly.

 

“Thanks for breakfast. I think I’m done.” Clarke excused herself. Anya stayed where she was and Abby sighed.

 

She didn’t bother sticking around. She grabbed her bags and headed upstairs. She kicked open her old bedroom door, it banging loudly against her bedroom wall and set her bags down on the bed.

 

As Clarke was setting out some new clothes, she couldn’t help but look around.

 

She still remembered the day she painted her room in lavender and then drew all over the walls. She was young, really young, but Clarke couldn’t help but smile at her amateur drawings. Her father gave her free reign to draw whatever she wanted.

 

And at seven years old, Clarke decided that she wanted to draw her and her friends at the park on the wall. Raven didn’t have a neck, Octavia was missing a shoe and Jasper didn’t have pupils, but Clarke still thought it was a masterpiece.

 

“Honey?” Abby knocked against the door. The smile Clarke had quickly went away. She huffed and turned around.

 

“Don’t.” Clarke shook her head when she saw the apologetic look on Abby’s face.

 

“He didn’t mean to offend you.”

  
  
“Yes, he did!” Clarke hissed. “Why would you let him talk to me like that? I hate everything about him. The only good thing I like about him is that he’s a Democrat, which is oddly surprising.”

  
  
“I didn’t know he was going to say that.”

  
  
“There’s probably a lot of things you don’t know about the guy. But sure, go ahead. You have my blessing.” Clarke squinted her eyes at her and threw her hands up in the air.

  
  
“I really like him-“ Abby mumbled, playing with the hem of her shirt.

  
  
“I don’t know why.” Clarke cut her off. “He slapped your butt right in front of me!”

  
  
“I didn’t know he was going to do that either!”

  
  
“It’s like he’s trying to prove a point. That he’s the alpha here. Did you tell him what I did to your past boyfriends?”  
  
  
“I may have.” Abby muttered sheepishly.

  
  
“He still sucks.”   


“Look, I just came up to tell you that we have tickets to Romeo and Juliet, but there’s only two tickets. It’s for tonight and I completely forgot until I was looking at my calendar just now. I’ll still cook dinner for you and Anya. I just wanted you to know.”

  
  
“Thanks, mom. I appreciate it. If you don’t mind, I’m going to wash the flight off me.”

  
  
“Sure, go ahead.” Abby tried to offer her a small smile, but it didn’t reach her eyes.

  
  
Clarke just sighed, thinking how this weekend had been the worst one yet and it hadn’t even started.

 

* * *

 

 

There was no sign of Marcus the rest of the day. As the sun was going down, all Clarke could hear was the rustling of pots and the sweet smells of her mother’s home cooking. Clarke actually enjoyed her time with her assistant. It was an unspoken rule that there would be no business conversations.

  
  
“I’m really sorry we can’t stay for dinner.” Abby said as she chopped up the onions.

  
  
“It’s fine, mom.”

  
  
“I’m sorry about earlier.” Abby apologized, a frown on her face.   


Clarke decided not to respond to that. Anyone who couldn’t respect her career, wasn’t worthy of her attention.

  
  
“I am so thankful that you’re choosing to do this. Being a family lawyer is tough. All those heartbreaking cases you’re given, but you handle it with such delicacy, it makes me so proud. You’re an amazing family lawyer.”

  
  
“You couldn’t have said that earlier?” Clarke asked in disbelief.

  
“You’re a big girl. You can stick up for yourself.” Abby shrugged it out, mixing the ingredients together in the pot.

 

“I should still do something. Prove that I’m still the alpha around here.”

 

“Clarke Griffin, you are twenty-seven years old. You’re too old to be playing games. Please, tell me you’ll leave him alone.” Her mother said sternly, but Clarke was hardly listening.

  
“He’s a total douche mom. Slapping your butt in front of your daughter. That’s just gross!”

 

“I have to get going to pick him up-“

 

“He’s supposed to be picking you up.” Clarke butted in quickly.

 

“My homemade chili is done and on the stove. Help yourself to as much as you like.” Abby decided to ignore her daughter’s statement. “Chocolate cake is in the fridge for dessert.”

 

“Sweet. Thanks,” Clarke nodded in approval. “Have fun… I guess.”

 

“Geez. Thanks for sounding so happy.”

 

“I’ll be happy when he shows some damn manners!” Clarke countered, but her mother was already halfway out the door.

 

As soon as Abby left, Clarke and Anya huddled around the stove, pigging out on Abby’s chili like there was no tomorrow. Clarke was hardly swallowing her food, she just kept piling it in her mouth until she realized how unladylike it was. Anya just laughed, but was nearly doing the same as her. Abby was an excellent cook.

 

“I think I’m gonna take a shower before bed. Your mom showed me where everything was.” Anya as she rinsed her bowl out.

 

“I told you she would like you.” Clarke said with a smirk. “Go on. I got the dishes.”

 

“Thanks, Clarke.” Anya said as she raced up the stairs.

 

Clarke took a moment to look around the empty kitchen. She remembered all the fun times and happy memories she had as a child. It broke her heart that her father wasn’t around anymore, and her mother was out with someone who probably didn’t even appreciate her.

  
  
Clarke decided to busy herself with the dishes, reminiscing on her childhood. How her father would wash the dishes and she would dry them as he would spell out words for her to learn. Clarke missed it. She missed all of it. Sure, she was happy that she was a grown up now, but if she could go back in time and have just a few more moments with her father, she would do it in a heartbeat.

  
  
Clarke had been getting by the best she could. She really buried herself in her work after he died. It was easy. All the cases she was giving, she poured her entire soul into. It took up all of her time, and she found that she couldn’t spend time thinking about the what if’s. What if he didn’t get shot in the neck? What if the gunman had aimed a little lower?

  
  
It was eating her alive, and ruining her performance. So, eventually, as much as it killed her, she stopped thinking so much about her dad. She had to focus on what was right in front of her. That was her work and friends. It was the two things that were getting her by in life. It wasn’t the girl from last night whose name she’d hardly remembered or the guy who barely passed as decent in bed. Those hookups had meant nothing to her, and she needed to stop because it wasn’t healthy.

  
  
She’d given it up all together. The dating life. She wasn’t really one for dating. She was too clingy for it, but too emotionally detached for hookups. There was no meeting in the middle, so Clarke just stopped dating all together. She was realizing now (as she was standing in her childhood kitchen doing the dishes) that maybe it was time to change that. She could probably go on a date or two, maybe get back out there. (It had nothing to do with a very bright, optimistic girl she saw every day on the train).

  
  
And Clarke kept telling herself that as she finished the dishes and headed upstairs with the plate of cake and a bottle of alcohol. She heard the shower turn off just a few minutes ago, and decided to see if Anya was up for some dessert.

 

“Hey, can I come in?” Clarke called, rapping her knuckles softly against the door. She waited for Anya to give her the go ahead before opening the door.

  
  
She held up the cake and the bottle of alcohol. “I have cake and tequila.”

  
  
“Oh, please come in.” Anya immediately said and Clarke chuckled.

  
Anya still had a towel wrapped around her hair as she shoved her dirty clothes away. Clarke hopped up on the bed and waited for Anya to join her.

 

“Your house is nice. Like really nice.” Anya commented, looking around the room.   


“Thank you.” Clarke smiled. “I never really liked having so much money. I never really knew what to do with it, but my mom just spends it on this and that and likes to spoil me with it.”

  
  
“I wish my mom was like that.”

 

“What is she like?” Clarke questioned curiously as she handed Anya a fork.

 

“She likes that I’m independent. She pushed me towards it. I’m thankful for it, but she definitely doesn’t spoil me.” Anya spoke carefully, even though her fork dug into the cake harder than it needed to.

 

Clarke took a moment, savoring the chocolate goodness, before speaking again. She didn’t think she had any right to ask, but a part of her just couldn’t stop herself from knowing. Anything. She just needed something to go off of. More than what the girl was giving her.

 

“Tell me about the girl.” Clarke spoke softly, not wanting to ruin the peaceful atmosphere.

  
“Excuse me?” Anya looked at her in confusion.

  
“The one in the pictures.” Clarke explained slowly, wondering if she was making the right decision. “It’s fine if you don’t.”   


“No, I want to,” Anya reassured her, putting her fork down. “It’s just been a while since I’ve-“

 

“We don’t have to talk about it then.” Clarke quickly waved her off.

 

“She was my best friend,” Anya huffed out a laugh. “If that wasn’t already obvious. She was smart, Clarke. I mean, she still is. She just got mixed up in the wrong crowd. She started doing drugs. She started stealing-“

 

Clarke thought that maybe this wasn’t a good idea. She felt like she was overstepping big time. She was learning things about the girl that she probably didn’t want her to know. She didn’t want to think that this girl was capable of breaking the law, but she knew she was only lying to herself.

 

Clarke kept her face blank for the most part. Once Anya started talking about her, it was hard to get her to stop.

 

“She had… She had-“ Anya muttered. Clarke didn’t miss the past tense and put a hand on Anya’s knee. “She had a sister.“

 

Clarke didn’t miss the huge tears that were threatening to fall, and she quickly reached over for the bottle of tequila. She opened it and wordlessly handed it to Anya. Anya shook her head, even though her hands reached for the bottle and started downing it. By the past tense and somber look on Anya’s face, Clarke knew this story only ended one way.

  
  
“We don’t have to talk about that either.” Clarke cut in gently and Anya nodded.

  
  
“Yeah, not right now.”

 

“We thought we had it all figured out,” Anya said, talking about something lighter. “We were both going to go to college, she was going to go to law school and I was just going to get my bachelor’s degree. I like being a legal assistant, more than actually standing up and going head to head in court.”

  
  
“She was going to go to law school?” Clarke asked, impressed.

  
  
“She was on her way there, Clarke. She was so close and then some bad things happened and she just fell off the grid. We tried to get her help numerous times after, but the rehabilitation center we sent her to, said she ran away. That happened a year ago. That was the last anyone has seen her.”

 

Clarke took a swig of tequila, trying to put the pieces together. Still, something wasn’t adding up and it took Clarke forcing herself mentally to restrain herself from asking a million questions. She had so many and had to bite her tongue from blurting them all out.

  
“We always joked about how she would become a lawyer and I would be her assistant,” Anya tilted her head back, eyes closed and a thin smile on her face. Clarke took the time to appreciate just how beautiful her assistant was, before snapping out of it. “Now… it’s just me.”

 

“What about her parents?” Clarke asked quietly. Anya thought it was just to keep the calm atmosphere, but it was really Clarke feeling guilty that she was digging way too far into this situation.

 

“They miss her,” Anya choked out and Clarke didn’t miss the tear that finally fell out of Anya’s eyes. “They were mad for a long time, but they just want her to come home. It’s not easy to understand, once you know the whole story- once you know what-“

 

“We don’t have to keep talking about it.” Clarke said and this time she meant it. This story sounded like it needed to come from Lexa’s mouth. Although Clarke knew Anya probably knew the whole story, she couldn’t keep prying like this.

 

“Thanks,” Anya sighed in relief and closed her eyes again. “I don’t know if I can go on without fully breaking down.”

 

“We can talk about anything else.” Clarke offered and she meant it. It was easy talking to Anya. She liked being around the girl, but she wasn’t going to admit that to her.

 

It was quiet for a moment, Clarke thinking about all the memories that wouldn’t stop flooding through her mind and Anya thinking about Lexa.

 

Clarke didn’t miss the way Anya was eyeing her. Clarke tried to play it off because she knew that knowingly look in her eye. Anya only had it when she knew she was right and Clarke wasn’t (it only happened a few times). Clarke wasn’t sure if she was going to like what Anya was going to say.

 

“Does it bother you that your mother is out with him instead of being here?”

  
  
Clarke took another swig of tequila, bitterly this time. There was no point in lying, Anya already knew the truth. She had seen the events that had already happened. Clarke sighed loudly and nodded her head subtly.

  
  
“More than you will ever know.” Clarke leaned her head against the wall. Anya frowned in sympathy before placing her hand on Clarke’s knee. “Don’t you just miss when times were better than this?”

 

“I do.” Anya said bitterly, chugging on the tequila.

 

“It didn’t used to be like this. I miss the old times. The old days when things were better. When my mom was happier than she pretends to be now.”

 

“I understand completely.” Anya said as the room fell quiet again.

 

“At least I’m here?” Anya asked after a few minutes, with a cheeky smile, trying to cheer her boss up.

 

Clarke looked up into Anya’s inviting eyes. She had a silly smile on her face that Clarke couldn’t help but smile back at.

 

Clarke looked down at the hand that was resting against her knee and offered Anya a smirk. “At least you’re here.”

 

* * *

 

 

“This is nice!” Marcus uttered around his sandwich. “I was worried we wouldn’t get along, but we seemed to be getting along just fine.”

  
  
Clarke kept quiet, thinking about how Marcus couldn’t be more wrong. The only reason why she was getting along with him, was because her mom seemed to like him. Although, Clarke had no idea why. The guy was a total slob. He hadn’t even wiped the food from his mouth yet.

  
  
Clarke smiled and nodded, thinking how wrong it was for her mom to leave her alone with this man.

 

It was nice seeing and spending time with her mom. Clarke knew her trip would be short, both her and Anya needed to get back to work on Monday.

 

Abby thought it would be a good idea for Marcus and Clarke to have some one on one time (bonding, if you will). Clarke thought it was a terrible idea. She didn’t want to hear anything that this guy had to say. They were outside on the patio, while Abby and Anya were inside.

 

Abby wanted Clarke to give Marcus one more chance before they went home tomorrow.

 

Clarke was hardly listening to a word he said, partly because he was talking with his mouth full of food. They steered clear of career topics, and stuck to the light stuff.

 

Clarke actually told him that she used to draw and they’ve been talking about that for a while. Art was always a topic that Clarke could go on and on about, but she wasn’t interested today.

 

“Listen, Clarke,” Marcus said as he wiped his mouth. Clarke smirked because there was food left in his beard. “I just want to say I’m sorry for how I acted yesterday. I didn’t mean to disrespect your job.”

 

Clarke faked a deep breath and acted like she was really thinking about his apology, when really she could care less. She didn’t care if Marcus apologized or not, this guy would never be in her good books. Not after all the things he’d done (and mostly because he could never be Jake).

 

“It’s alright, Marcus.” Clarke nodded, but she didn’t mean it.

 

“Oh thank god,” Marcus breathed out. “I was really worried we would leave on the wrong foot. I have work this evening and I won’t be seeing you off tomorrow.”

 

Clarke was secretly excited for it. She didn’t want to see Marcus before she left. That was the last thing she wanted. And with that in mind, Clarke finally excused herself. She felt like she had spent enough time with Marcus (it had only been fifteen minutes).

 

“I’m going to go inside now. See if my mother needs help with anything. Goodbye, Marcus.” Clarke said firmly. She left Marcus gaping at her and turned on her heel and left.

 

* * *

 

 

“Text me as soon as you land. Remember that your grandparents are coming in soon and I can’t keep making up excuses. They want to see you and you will be back in a few weeks. You can even bring Anya.” Abby said as she helped the girls with the luggage.

 

“Mom!” Clarke whined. All her grandparents did was hound her about her love life and she had zero plans to get married soon.

 

“Your grandfather wants to walk you down the aisle before he dies!” Abby said bluntly.

 

“I would have to be engaged before that happens, which means I would have to be dating someone.” Clarke said in annoyance and her mother smirked.

 

“Anya is right here and I’m sure she’s willing.” Abby looked at Anya expectantly and the taller girl straightened her shoulders.

 

“I am?” Anya said in confusion and Clarke sighed loudly.

 

“She is my assistant. We would be breaking a ton of rules and I don’t have time to get in trouble with my boss.”

 

“Do you know how many employee-employee relationships there are? And don’t even _get_ me started on employee-boss relationship because I-“

 

“Mom!” Clarke blushed. “Please.”

 

Abby sighed again and held her hands up. “My point is, you will see your grandparents in a couple weeks. They miss you.”

 

“Okay, fine. Yes. I’ll be here,” Clarke said as she starting rolling her bags towards the automatic doors, Anya in tow. “Bye, Mom. I love you and I guess I’ll see you in a few weeks.”

 

“Bye, sweetie. I love you too!” Abby all but shouted across the terminal. “Bye, Anya!”

 

Anya offered a small wave before turning back around and walking in tow with her boss.

 

* * *

 

 

Getting home before work on a Monday morning was a hassle. On top of the fact Clarke’s mom had a hard time letting them go. Clarke swore her mother gave Anya more hugs than she did her own daughter.

 

The entire plane ride, Clarke slept through it. Anya was awake the whole time, sometimes looking over to Clarke. She was glad her boss was sleeping because she took the time to think about how this trip had somehow brought them closer, or so at least Anya _thought_ it had brought them closer.

 

When the plane landed, the rush to get to back home and to work was stressful. Clarke and Anya parted ways as Clarke quickly pulled on some professional clothes, having no time to shower.

 

Clarke was running on pure adrenaline. She had been so excited to get back to her normal routine. After everything Anya had told her, she was so eager to see Lexa again.    


All chances of seeing Lexa flew out the window once Clarke got to the train station. The girl was nowhere in sight. A pool of fear was forming in the pit of Clarke’s stomach and she had no idea why.

 

Lexa was normally on the train around this time, but the girl was nowhere in sight. Where was she? Why wasn’t she here? Was she okay? Was she hurt?

 

Clarke’s mind was running through so many questions, her brain was having a hard time keeping up.

 

Clarke was looking left and right, but Lexa was nowhere in sight.

 

With the feeling of disappointment (and fear) Clarke boarded the train before heading into work.

 

* * *

 

 

Lexa was all Clarke could think about all day. It didn’t help the fact that Anya was starting to be more open with the situation and telling her things about Lexa.

 

“Her favorite donut flavor is chocolate. I’ve avoided this flavor for months now, but I figured why not.” Anya knocked on the door bright and early, as if they weren’t just on the most stressful plane ride back home.

 

Clarke chuckled out a laugh, trying not to draw too much attention to herself.

 

“She could probably eat this whole box without anyone’s help,” Anya kept going, completely oblivious to the emotional turmoil her boss was having right now. “That girl could seriously eat.”

 

Clarke didn’t miss the pause. The silence that accompanied that sentence. Anya was reminiscing and Clarke thought it would be rude of her to interrupt it.

 

So, Clarke sat back down at her desk. Tried her hardest to focus on her work, and tried to stop the fear that kept building up inside her.

 

* * *

 

 

Clarke didn’t say goodbye to anyone as she left the firm. It was rude, she knew, but she had more important things to do right now.

 

She all but ran to the train station and down the stairs. It was becoming normal to look around the station at this point. She didn’t care how crazy she looked to any on goers. She just wanted to find Lexa.

 

She didn’t have any luck. It didn’t sit right with her that she was going home to her ginormous loft and Lexa was nowhere to be found. Clarke was starting to realize that Lexa was just as stubborn as she was.

 

Clarke let out a sigh of disappointment before boarding the train. She sat her purse in her lap and sat in the back away from everyone else.  

 

Clarke thought the train roof was leaking for a moment. She was scrolling angrily through her phone before she realized that those were tears.

 

Clarke frowned at herself for not even recognizing that she was crying. Who failed to realize something so obvious as themselves crying? Clarke quickly wiped her tears away in horror.

 

She was five seconds away from tapping on Anya’s contact and telling her everything she knew. She couldn’t keep lying to her assistant like this. The secret was burning herself up inside, especially since Clarke had no idea where Lexa currently was.

 

If Anya knew Clarke knew, then maybe they could work together and fix this situation. Maybe Clarke could figure out why Lexa was putting herself in this situation. Clarke’s fingers were seconds away from clicking on it, when she heard footsteps approach her.

 

They were too light to be any man’s. Clarke realized a woman was approaching her and practically broke her neck to see who.

 

No words were said as she sat down next to her. Lexa wrapped her arms around herself and sat on the edge of the seat, like she was going to flee any moment, but nevertheless, she was sitting next to Clarke.

 

Clarke could only see the side of Lexa’s face and as the train took off, Clarke gasped when Lexa turned to face her.

 

Sitting slightly above Lexa’s eye was a bruise. It was black and yellow and blood was oozing out of it. Clarke was quick to rummage through her purse, giving herself a pat on the back for stealing some of Octavia’s napkins from her restaurant. Clarke tried to apply pressure, but Lexa jerked away from her.

 

Lexa gave a firm shake of the head and Clarke sighed helplessly.

 

“Please, don't.” The first words spoken and they sounded so shattered. Lexa looked like she was on the verge of a breakdown too, and Clarke realized why she was sitting on the edge of her seat.

 

Lexa didn’t have to get on this train, but she knew this was when Clarke would be here. It was almost as if she was giving in a little bit, but didn’t want to give in all the way. Lexa was just as broken as Clarke was, but neither one of them spoke about it.

 

“I followed you here. I wasn’t planning on getting on the train, but then I saw your face and I just couldn’t go through with it,” Lexa explained quietly, almost reluctantly, not wanting to make any eye contact. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

  
  
“If _I_ was okay?” Clarke asked in disbelief. “What about you? What happened to your eye?”   


Clarke couldn’t stop the question from falling out of her mouth. From the look on Lexa’s face, Clarke was already regretting her question, but was also relieved that she had asked.

 

“I fell down some stairs.” Lexa answered after a few minutes, her face hardening by the second.

 

The cut didn’t belong on Lexa’s face. It was sticking out brightly, a huge contrast to the rest of Lexa’s beautiful face.

  
“That cut looks deep.” Clarke pointed to the angry, red mark above Lexa’s eyebrow, that was still bleeding slightly.

 

Clarke wordlessly held up the napkin again. Lexa didn’t look at her at all as she finally nodded her head. Clarke scooted closer and Lexa sat upright in her seat as Clarke dapped at the wound.

 

If it hurt, Lexa wasn’t showing any signs. Clarke figured it had something to do with her pride, and smiled sadly.

 

“You still look good, for someone who fell down the stairs.” Clarke whispered out, pressing a little too hard as the train shifted and jottled.

 

The only sign of pain Clarke saw was Lexa’s eyes closing tightly. Other than that, Lexa stayed still and let Clarke clean her up.

 

“I don’t have anything to clean it out with, but at least it’s not bleeding as much.” Clarke kept her voice low, not wanting Lexa to suddenly move away from her.

 

Clarke felt like it could be any minute. Lexa really looked like she wanted to jump out of this moving train. Clarke wouldn’t put it past her. Clarke knew Lexa was ruining her reputation right now.

 

They didn’t speak for the rest of the train ride. They had multiple stops before Clarke’s and as they neared, Clarke was starting to get antsy.

 

Lexa stuffed the bloody napkins in her jacket and stayed quiet. Clarke knew she was running out of time and asking wouldn’t kill her, would it?

 

Clarke thought yes, but her mouth had a mind of its own.

 

“I’m only going to ask this once, because I need to do this,” Clarke exhaled shakily. Her eyes shifting outside to the familiar rose bushes. They were about to arrive at her stop at any moment. “I’m giving you the option to say no, but I’m begging you to say yes.”

 

Lexa stayed silent, already knowing what Clarke was going to ask her. She liked to think she was doing okay out on the streets. She wasn’t dead yet, so that was a sure sign.

 

Lexa didn’t dare move a muscles as she listened to the heavy breathing coming from Clarke. Lexa was surprised her own heart wasn’t beating out of her chest right now.

 

“Will you come home with me?”

 

It wasn’t like Lexa hadn’t thought about it. What it would be like to have a hot meal and sleep on something that wasn’t concrete. But Lexa couldn’t give into such temptations. It never ended up going her way.

 

“I took a chance on you. Now, it’s your turn to take a chance on me.” Clarke tried and Lexa listened patiently. It broke her heart how much she wanted to say yes. She had been doing so fine on her own, and then Clarke came in and threw her off her game.

 

She didn’t need her help.

 

“I’m sorry, but that’s not a good idea.”

 

Clarke was losing all hope as the train stopped at her stop and she was forced to get up. Lexa didn’t move with her, didn’t even meet her eye. This was going so much differently in Clarke’s head, than it was in real life. Lexa wasn’t budging and she only had a few seconds to get her to change her mind.

 

“Lexa, please,” Clarke begged, almost letting out a low whine. “I can’t sit here with you like this. Just come with me.”

 

“No.” Lexa said again, shaking her head and clenching her jaw tight.

 

Clarke huffed loudly before walking off. Those angry tears came flooding down her face again and Clarke wondered how she cried more in one day than she had in an entire month.

 

She felt like a failure. It wasn’t like she could tie Lexa up and drag her home with her. For one, people would probably call the police on her and two, Clarke was almost positive that Lexa was stronger than her.

 

She stomped her way down the street, getting ready to cross it when she heard it.

 

The voice that had been haunting (in the best way possible) her for a while now.

 

“Heels.” It was the softest sound Clarke had ever heard. The quietest footsteps Clarke had ever heard and the most beautiful face looking directly at her.

 

Clarke tried to contain her excitement as Lexa fastened her walk, almost as if she was sure she was making the right decision (she had no idea yet, but she definitely was).

 

“So, are we just going to stand here for the rest of the night or...?” Lexa asked, trailing off and stuffing her hands deep in her pockets, feeling extremely out of place in the nicer part of town.

 

Even though their current situation was nothing to laugh about, Clarke couldn’t help the victorious smile she had on her face.

 

(Lexa didn’t realize how much she needed this. Clarke didn’t realize how much she needed this as well).


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song used for this chapter is called She used to be mine by Sara Bareilles
> 
> This chapter is all Clexa, so enjoy!

 

 

* * *

 

**Part 4**

_She’s imperfect but she tries_

_She is good but she lies_

_She is hard on herself_

_She is broken and won’t ask for help_

_She is messy but she’s kind_

_She is lonely most of the time_

_She is all of this mixed up_

_And baked in a beautiful pie_

_She is gone but she used to be mine_

* * *

The sound of cars passing by and the trees rustling in the wind were the only things Clarke could hear over her beating heart. If there was the signal that a hurricane was coming, Clarke wouldn’t have been able to hear it.

 

Her ears were ringing, her heart was pounding against her chest and there was a giant lump in her throat.

 

Clarke was _nervous_.

 

Clarke didn’t ever get nervous. She didn’t have time for it, especially with her job. She was usually the type of person to take charge and she supposed she sort of did, but Clarke didn’t think about what would happen next.

 

Clarke glanced over and saw Lexa walking silently beside her. She had her hands shoved in her pockets and Clarke could barely hear her footsteps. (That was because her heart was beating so loudly).

 

Clarke was slowly counting in her head. She didn’t have a designated number she was trying to get to. She just needed something to do to distract herself and silently counting was one of them. She didn’t want to listen to any music because she thought that would be rude. She didn’t want Lexa to feel like she was ignoring her, when it was the complete opposite.

 

Clarke had opened her home to strangers before, but it was only for a one night stand and sometimes a few of them would make breakfast for her before she kicked them out. Clarke had no idea what she was thinking when it came to Lexa. Not even for the sake of Anya. She had no idea where to go from here, or even how to go from here.

 

How should she act? Should she just leave Lexa alone for the rest of the night? Clarke didn’t know what she was doing. She didn’t think she could go to sleep one more night in her king size bed while Lexa was on the street. She didn’t know what was going to happen after this, but at least Lexa was safe for now. That’s all she could hope for.

 

“You should breathe.” Lexa finally spoke up. Clarke jumped slightly and almost gasped. 

 

“Excuse me?” Clarke chuckled awkwardly.

 

“I don’t think you’ve breathed once since I got off the train.” Lexa explained lightly, although Clarke could tell she was nervous by the way she was chewing her lip.

 

“I’m just happy you’re here.”

 

“I’m not a charity case, Clarke.” Lexa said seriously.

 

“I never said that,” Clarke said calmly. “I just…”

 

“You just what?”

 

_I want you here?_

_I need you here?_

_I don’t ever want to let you go?_

 

Clarke didn’t know if any of those answers would be acceptable and she let out a sigh of relief when they were finally in front of her apartment complex.

 

“This is me.” Clarke said instead. Lexa looked around, her face completely blank and Clarke desperately wanted to know what she was thinking.

 

“This is a nice building.” Lexa settled on saying.

 

“Come on.” Clarke said gently. Lexa already looked frightened and Clarke didn’t want to scare her even more, so she kept her voice low and her staring at a minimum.

 

Lexa looked around the building in awe as they walked over to the elevator. They went up a couple floors in complete silence. The only sounds were the occasional groans the elevator would make as it moved.

 

Clarke tried not to stare at Lexa, but she looked like a little kid going to Disney World for the first time. Clarke wondered if Lexa had ever gone before. Clarke wondered about a lot of things when it came to the mysterious brunette in front of her.

 

* * *

 

 

It didn’t hit Clarke that she was actually doing this until she heard an extra pair of footsteps follow her as she stepped inside her loft. Lexa stood by the door and didn’t move a muscle. Clarke rushed to the kitchen and handed over the bottle of water. Once Lexa reluctantly took it, Clarke went into her bathroom and got the first aid kit.

 

“Sit.” Clarke said so firmly that Lexa didn’t argue with it.

 

Lexa was gulping down her water before finally looking at Clarke. Clarke sucked in a breath, trying to keep her composure as Lexa was so close to her.

 

After Clarke finished tending to Lexa’s cut, she took her time putting the bandages back into the first aid kit.

 

“I could go across the street and get us dinner. The place has really nice pastas or I could order pizza or-“

 

“You don’t do much cooking?” Lexa asked with a small smile. Clarke wasn’t sure if it was Lexa’s question or her pretty smile that had her blushing.

 

“Uh… no.” Clarke said honestly. “I don’t. Do you?”

 

“I can cook.” Lexa said easily.

 

“Well if I would’ve known…” Clarke chuckled out teasingly, feeling better that she got another smile out of Lexa. “I don’t have much in the fridge but maybe we could go to the store tomorrow and get something to make for dinner.”

 

“Maybe,” Lexa kept the smirk on her face. “You could go to the place across the street if you want. I’ll eat anything.”

 

“Okay.” Clarke said dumbly, standing up from her spot.

 

“Do you really trust me here alone?” Lexa asked quietly.

 

Clarke didn’t hesitate as she answered. “Yes. I’ll be right back. I’ll show you how the shower works. Come on.”

 

“I feel like I’m going to need a three hour shower to wash away all the dirt.” Lexa joked, but by the blank look on her face, Clarke knew she was being serious.

 

“Take as long as you need.” Clarke said humbly. “Here’s your towel and washcloth.”

 

Clarke stopped at the hall closet, shoving the items in Lexa’s hands before they kept walking.

 

“Here’s the hall bathroom and a bar of soap.” Clarke bent down and reached for the soap that was under the cabinet.

 

“Is spaghetti and garlic bread okay?” Clarke asked as she stood in front of Lexa.

 

“It’s perfect.” Lexa said with a nod.

 

“Okay, I’ll be right back.”

* * *

 

 

The sound of the water running was enough to make Lexa cry. It had been entirely too long since she’d bathe herself. The hot, steamy water was already fogging up the mirror, sheltering Lexa from seeing all the dirt and bruises from weeks of sleeping on the streets.

 

She couldn’t believe that she was in this woman’s apartment and didn’t even think about stealing anything. She didn’t want to touch a thing of Clarke’s. She barely wanted to get in the shower, but the smells coming off of her weren’t at all pleasant.

 

The second she stepped in the shower, Lexa couldn’t help the loud groan that escaped her mouth. The feeling of this hot, steamy water on her dirty body was amazing.

 

Lexa completely emerged her body under the water and tilted her head back. She couldn’t help but let a few tears run down her face as the water ran down her body. She looked down at the dirt washing off her body and reached over for the soap. It smelled better than anything she’d encountered in the past year (well… besides Clarke).

 

She didn’t waste any time lathering it all over her body. She didn’t care anymore about the noises coming out of her mouth, she was far too caught up in the feeling of this soap washing her body. Washing the year’s worth of dirt off her body. Washing the year’s worth of pain and hurt off her body.

 

Could Lexa really find comfort in this woman? Could Lexa really stay here for a few days? Would she allow herself to finally break down her barriers and let someone in?

 

All the questions were left unanswered as Lexa finished cleaning her body. It took longer than she thought. She wanted to get every single piece of dirt off her body and her hair.

 

The feeling of being clean was so foreign to her, but she spent the next hour trying to get reacquainted with it.

 

* * *

 

 

As Clarke waited for their food to be done, she called Anya. She knew it was a risky move, but she wanted her to know that she wouldn’t be coming into work tomorrow.

 

“Are you sick? You never get sick? Is there something wrong? Should I schedule a doctor’s appointment? Should I call-“

 

“Anya, I’m fine,” Clarke even let out a small laugh as she explained that she wasn’t coming in tomorrow morning. “I’m just taking the day off tomorrow. I’ll still be available for my clients, but from home.”

 

“You don’t ever take the day off?” Anya said slowly. “Even when you have migraines. You’re _always_ here.”

 

“Don’t stress about it, Anya. Think of it as your day off. I’m giving you the pleasure to do whatever you want.”

 

“... Okay?”  Anya still didn’t sound convinced that Clarke was okay. Clarke was afraid that she would try to make her way over to her side of town and it made Clarke nervous.

 

“I have to go now.” Clarke said and meant it. The waiter was waving her down, letting her know her food was ready.

 

“I’ll guess I’ll see you soon.” Anya said before she hung up and Clarke let out a long breath.

 

Her worries quickly faded when she realized that she was getting ready to go home to Lexa.

 

* * *

 

 

Clarke got home way before Lexa was finished with her shower. She put the food down on the coffee table and waited.

 

There was nothing she could do to calm her beating heart. Clarke was starting to accept the fact that Lexa just had that effect on her.

 

She waited another twenty minutes before she heard the shower cut off. She kept smoothing down her clothes before giving up. Clarke was beyond nervous so she busied herself with getting them plates and silverware.  

 

Her ears were ringing again as she listened to the footsteps come her way moments later.

 

Dirty Lexa was magnificent, with those cute dirt smudges across her cheeks and forehead and the rips and stains in her clothes, but clean Lexa was…  everything else under the sun.

 

It didn’t even compare. Clarke couldn’t help herself as she stopped what she was doing to take it all in. Lexa’s hair was dripping, falling against the shirt she probably found in the spare closet along with a clean pair of black sweatpants.

 

Clarke straightened up as she looked over Lexa, and as Lexa walked closer, there were three different smells wafting off of her: fabric softener, scented lotion and soap.

 

Clarke had to contain the moan she wanted to let out. She couldn’t believe how good clean Lexa looked. Besides the cut on top of her eyebrow, Lexa’s face was free off dirt. Her whole body was and Clarke couldn’t help but step closer.

 

“You look amazing,” Clarke said with a small smile. “And you smell a lot better.”

 

“I just have one rule for you,” Lexa said, a teasing smile on her face as she sat down on the couch. “Don’t fall in love with me.”

  
  
“You can be so cocky sometimes.” Clarke rolled her eyes, trying not to focus on how her heart started beating faster and instead handed Lexa the container of food. “Don’t worry. I won’t.”

 

“You’ll be surprise how many women say that and are completely screwed when they fall in love with me.” Lexa flashed Clarke a smile that was free of any yellow teeth. Lexa’s teeth were sparkling white and Clarke couldn’t help but think about how Lexa was meant to be here.

 

Lexa was meant to sit on an expensive couch. She was meant to be taking care of her personal hygiene. She didn’t deserve living on the streets.

 

Lexa didn’t deserve that life one bit.

  
“You really are something.” Clarke chuckled as she sat down next to Lexa.

  
  
They ate quietly for the most part, Lexa shoving food into her mouth and Clarke eating a bit more elegantly.

 

As time went on, it was apparent that both of them were realizing the situation they were in. Lexa was here sitting across from her, (something the blonde had only dreamed about). Clarke had really opened up her apartment to a complete stranger, but it was strange because Lexa felt like anything, but a stranger. Clarke felt like Lexa could be this missing piece she'd been looking for since her father died and as she came to that realization, Clarke stood up abruptly.

 

“I’m going to go get us some more water.” Clarke said and sounded stupid as she looked down at both of their glasses that were completely full. Lexa didn’t respond, she just let Clarke excuse herself to the kitchen.

 

The blonde took a moment to breathe. She didn’t know why it was so hard to do (she’d only been doing it her whole life). But nothing seemed to work as Clarke tried to slow her beating heart.

 

“I knew this was a mistake,” Lexa’s voice behind her made Clarke jump as she spun around. “I knew I should’ve just stayed on the train. See where the night took me. I shouldn’t have come here. I shouldn’t have intruded, but there’s just something about you.”

 

Lexa walked further into the kitchen looking like a literal goddess as her hair flowed as she walked. Clarke stayed quiet, for the fear of the unknown and let Lexa ramble on.

 

“I don’t know how you did it,” Lexa put her plate down on the counter and stared Clarke straight in her eyes. “You think you’re the first person to invite me in? Because you’re not, but I still don’t know _how_ you did it.”

 

Lexa pursed her lips in thought, before snapping her fingers and pointing at the woman before her.

 

“I think I know.” Lexa whispered for dramatic effect and Clarke didn’t know when the air became so tense between them.

 

“Lexa, stop.” Clarke begged pathetically, but even she knew Lexa wasn’t going to listen to her. Sometimes the girl in front of her acted like a brick wall, and there was no getting through to her.

 

“Maybe it’s your whole facade, how you act like you can save anyone by just looking at them with those bright blue eyes. Maybe I’m not the one who needs saving, maybe it’s you. I may be the one that’s out on the streets right now, but honey, you’re the one carrying around the pain that comes with it.”

 

“Shut up.” Clarke said lowly, not meaning a word she said. Her chest heaving in as the weight of Lexa’s words came crashing down upon her.

 

“Maybe you didn’t take me in for me. Maybe you took me in for you because you’re life is _so_ perfect and you’re rich, so you try to make yourself feel better by taking in the poor girl that doesn’t even own a brush. Maybe–“

 

“Shut up!” Clarke said louder, her eyes widened in anger. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

 

“Oh, so you don’t have money?” Lexa asked with her hands on her hips. “You don’t have any money for the car you drive and the home you live in and the social life you’re pretending not to have.”

 

When Clarke went silent, Lexa smiled in victory, before it faded.

 

“What am I doing here, Clarke?” Lexa asked helplessly. “Seriously, if it isn’t for making yourself feel better because you get to come home to a place that actually has AC and hot water. What am I doing here?”

 

Clarke didn’t answer right away, mostly because she didn’t have an answer to give Lexa. She didn’t know why she took her in. There was just something about Lexa, and it had nothing to do with the fact that she was living on the streets. Clarke didn’t know how to say that without weirding the girl out, and Lexa took it the wrong way.

 

“Exactly,” Lexa breathed, hurt flashing in her eyes. “I think I’ll go now.”

 

Clarke was at a loss for words, too many things were happening at once. Too many feelings were hitting her all at once, but when she heard the front door fly open, she finally moved from her spot.

 

“Don’t go!” Clarke said and Lexa huffed out a laugh.

 

“Is that all you got?” Lexa asked as she turned around. “You’re going to have to do better than that.”

 

Clarke wasn’t used to people testing her, she was used to testing people. And as Lexa stood before her, wearing the same clothes she used to wear when she was attending law school, something snapped within Clarke. It was clear that Clarke was going to have to be honest about this, and that scared her, but Lexa was seconds away from leaving, and that meant, Clarke really did need to put her pride aside.

 

“Maybe I’m lonely.” Clarke said reluctantly, not wanting to look at Lexa, but did it nevertheless, because she wanted the girl to know she was being serious.

 

“Called it.” Lexa said under her breath, but Clarke chose to ignore it.

 

“You aren’t some charity case that I’m trying to fix. I don’t know what it’s like living on the streets, but it can’t be fun.”

 

“You didn’t have to go to law school to figure that one out.”  

 

“I’m not the only one that’s lonely.” Clarke said seriously, squinting her eyes at Lexa, loving the way the girl was shifting her weight from one leg to the other. “We can both keep lying to each other if that’s what you want. You can go your way and I’ll go mine and we will forget that we ever met.”

 

Lexa frowned for a second, before straightening up.

 

“Or, you can come back inside and enjoy a pint of chocolate ice cream with me and enjoy the fact that neither one of us will be lonely tonight.” Clarke thought that was fair. She explained herself, without giving too much away.

 

Something that she’d mastered in a long time ago.

 

Clarke could tell by the look on Lexa’s face that she was actually considering it and her heart skipped a beat when Lexa took a step towards her. They hadn’t really solved anything, but the fact that Lexa was walking her way was more than enough for Clarke.

 

“You really had to go there?” Lexa asked, raising her eyebrows. “Breaking me down with ice cream?”

 

It was an icebreaker and Clarke totally fell for it.

 

“I know a way to a woman’s heart.” Clarke hummed with a small smile.

 

“Well, you’ve won mine because I love chocolate ice cream.”

 

Clarke offered Lexa a smile and moved out of the way to let Lexa back in. They were confusing, one minute they were down each other’s throats (and not in the good way) and the next, they were eating ice cream together.

 

Clarke kept looking over, they were both sitting on the couch, the TV on for background noise. Lexa was enjoying the ice cream and Clarke kept replaying Lexa’s words over and over. She had no idea how this stranger just knew how she was feeling. Clarke thought she was better at hiding her feelings, but clearly not. It freaked Clarke out that Lexa was figuring her out without even trying, and Clarke couldn’t get anything out of Lexa, and that was her job.  

 

She had gotten Lexa to relax more, so she supposed she could give herself a pat on the back for that, but still, something felt off. Clarke didn’t know anything about this girl, only the things that Anya had said, and she really did invite her in.

 

What was she thinking? (She wasn’t. She never did when it came to Lexa).

 

There was just something about her. Clarke wasn’t sure if it was the brown hair or green eyes or the way Clarke could tell this girl had a lot going for her. She desperately wanted to know what happened. What had happened to this girl to make her end up where she was now?

 

“This was my sister’s favorite flavor.” Lexa was smiling down at the pint of ice cream. Clarke remembered the conversation she had with Anya when she went to visit her mother. She remembered how choked up Anya got, how she couldn’t continue with what she was trying to say. Clarke had no idea what happened to Lexa’s sister, but whatever it was, it couldn’t have been good.

 

“It was?” Clarke asked softly and Lexa nodded.

 

“She loved anything that was chocolate or chocolate flavored and I guess I just picked up on it.” This was the most Lexa had ever let Clarke in, the blonde decided to stay quiet.

 

“I miss her.” There it was again. The insinuation that Lexa’s sister wasn’t around anymore. Clarke didn’t know if she should question it.

 

“Did she…. I mean…” Clarke cleared her throat. “Is she…?”

 

“Yes,” Lexa nodded somberly. “She is.”

 

“I am _so_ sorry.”

 

“Don’t be.” Lexa shook her head.

 

“What happened?” Clarke wanted to punch herself in the face for asking that question, but she couldn’t stop herself.

 

“I remember when I actually had something going for me and I completely screwed it up. I’m not the same woman I was before. I feel like I don’t even know her anymore. I don’t know how I used to be, but I miss her. I miss the way I used to be.” Lexa said instead of answering the question. “She’s gone, but she’s still in there somewhere. I know she is.”

 

“Lexa…”

 

“If you don’t mind, I don’t want to talk about my sister,” Lexa said quietly, but Clarke still heard her over the TV. “I just can’t.”

 

“What about your parents?” Clarke asked.

 

“Clarke.” Lexa warned.

 

“I know if I had a daughter, I would want to know where she is. How she’s doing, what she’s doing. I would want to make sure she is safe at all times and protect her. I feel like you may be causing your mom and dad a whole lot of stress right now. Stress they don’t need.”

  
  
“You don’t know the whole story.” Lexa scoffed.

  
  
“And I’m not asking for it, but if you could go home, why don’t you?”

  
  
“Have you not been listening to anything I’ve been saying?” Lexa started to bounce her leg. A nervous tick of hers. “And it’s moms.”

  
  
“What?”

  
  
“I biologically have a Dad, but my mom married a woman. She wanted to have a baby and then I happened. It was a sperm bank. I legally have a right to know who my dad is, but I don’t care. I have two moms.”

 

“Oh, sorry.”

 

“I shouldn’t have brought her up, even when she’s dead, she’s still…. very much alive.”

 

Clarke didn’t know how to help Lexa. This situation still didn’t make any sense to Clarke, and she was nowhere nearing close to cracking this case. Lexa really was going to be the death of her.

 

“If you don’t mind,” Lexa said as she looked over to Clarke. “I’d like to go to bed.”

 

“Of course,” Clarke agreed. “I’m pretty tired myself.”

 

Lexa moved slow as she put the ice cream away and her spoon in the sink, as if waiting for Clarke to tell her she needed to go, but Clarke was nowhere near ready to throw Lexa out. The girl could be so confident sometimes, before the insecurities came flashing out.

 

Clarke walked silently down the hall with Lexa and waved goodnight as the brunette closed the door behind her. Clarke took a moment and leaned her body flush against the door. (Little did she know, Lexa was doing the same exact thing on the other side of the door).

 

* * *

 

 

_“She’s here, Lexa. I would appreciate it if you came downstairs.” Indra popped her head into the teenager’s room._

 

_Lexa rolled her eyes before putting her book down. “I was reading.”_

 

_“And now, your sister is here so get downstairs. Remember to behave and use appropriate language, she’s only three years old.”_

 

_"She's not my sister." Lexa said under her breath and reluctantly made her way downstairs. There was a social worker here talking to both of her moms and Lexa watched as the little girl was looking around. She wondered what was going through the little girl’s mind, she could only imagine._

 

_When her brown eyes fell on her, Lexa stood up a bit straighter. The little girl was offering her a smile and Lexa tried to smile back, but it came out more as a grimace._

 

_Lexa wasn’t opposed to it. She figured this would be a good thing for her moms as she got ready to head off to college. Lexa didn’t know if the time was right, she was getting ready to leave, she didn’t know if she was going to spend anytime with the little girl. (Not that she wanted to spend time with her anyways)._

 

_But Lexa didn’t want to be absence from her life. This was her new life now, a fresh start and Lexa figured she would want to be there for the little kid. She wasn’t going far, so she hoped she would see her from time to time._

 

* * *

 

 

_Lexa found the little girl, her new sister, Aubrey, looking around her new room._

 

_“My moms went a little overboard. They didn’t know what you liked.” Lexa said, watching Aubrey’s eyes light up at all the toys._

 

_“These mine?” The little girl asked happily and Lexa nodded, looking at the treasure chest full of all kinds of toys._

 

_“Do you like your room?” Lexa asked as she stuffed her hands in her pocket. The little girl had only been here for a couple of hours. Lexa’s moms wanted Lexa to look after the little girl while they made dinner._

 

_“Mine?” The little girl asked as she pointed to the bed. Lexa briefly wondered if the girl ever had a bed to call her own. It made Lexa frown, knowing this little girl didn’t have the best home-life and was sent to a foster home._

 

_“Yeah, this is your bed. Would you like to sit down?” Lexa asked, wondering when she became sweet all of a sudden. (Lexa totally blamed it on those big brown eyes)._

 

_The only response Aubrey gave Lexa was a short nod and Lexa was hit with a wave of emotions when the little girl reached her arms up._

 

_Lexa carefully lifted her up to the bed and sat her down. Lexa stood awkwardly next to the bed and watched as Aubrey pointed to her._

 

_“Sister?” Aubrey asked and Lexa didn’t have the heart to be mean to her._

 

_“Yeah, I’m your sister.” Lexa responded with a small smile to which Aubrey returned._

 

_“Sister.”_

 

* * *

 

Lexa woke up with sweat dripping down her forehead. Although the dream she had was pleasant, it still haunted her in many ways. She remembered the first day her moms had taken in Aubrey. It had almost been five years since then. It had been a year since Aubrey had left this earth.

 

The thought made Lexa’s heart ache and she decided that she couldn’t sit here with these heavy thoughts. She got up quietly and made her way into the kitchen. She rummaged through a couple of cabinets as quietly as she could before finding the cups. She made her way over to the sink and turned the tap on.

 

Lexa busied herself with wiping the sweat off her brow before taking a gulp of water.  

 

“I was in one of those deep sleeps,” Lexa jumped when she heard a raspy voice behind her. “Those ones where you forget if today was real or not. That you actually let me help you.”

 

“Sorry. I... I was thirsty.” Lexa said sheepishly as she turned around.

 

“Don’t be,” Clarke waved it off as she leaned against the doorframe. “What’s mine is yours.”

 

“I had a bad dream, even though nothing bad happened.” Lexa explained slowly, still trying to process what was happening.

 

“I understand. I get those sometimes. When I dream about my dad, sometimes it can be... haunting.” Clarke said lowly, Lexa was finding solace in her voice.

 

The brunette put the cup of water down and looked at Clarke expectantly. Clarke knew that look. It was the same look her clients would give her after she’d won the case. It was the same look Raven or Octavia gave her when they were having a bad day. But Lexa didn’t move from her spot. Her face screamed that she needed to be held, but Lexa didn’t make a move at all.

 

Clarke stood on the other side of the kitchen, waiting for Lexa to do something. When it was clear the brunette wasn’t going to move, Clarke walked slowly over to her. Like a lion hunting their prey, Clarke moved slowly and cautiously as she made her way over to Lexa.

 

She could see how Lexa was tensing up, but the look on her face didn’t change. Lexa wanted a hug and Clarke was going to give her one.

 

Clarke stopped right in front of Lexa, giving her a look that asked if it was okay. Lexa nodded slowly and no words were spoken as Clarke slowly wrapped an arm around Lexa’s neck. Clarke felt as she stiffened, but she heard Lexa gasp in her ear.

 

Clarke was careful as she stepped closer to her, fitting in between Lexa’s legs. She made sure she didn’t squeeze too tight, because she didn’t want to hurt her.

 

It took a couple minutes, (Clarke had been slowly counting in her head). Lexa hadn’t touched Clarke yet, but Clarke knew a cry for help when she saw it. Lexa needed this and Clarke wasn’t going to move, even if Lexa wouldn’t hug her back. But to Clarke’s surprise, the taller girl finally wrapped an arm around her waist. It made Clarke flinch because she wasn’t expecting the action. Out of habit, Lexa immediately tried to jerk away, but Clarke tightened her grip around Lexa’s neck.

 

“Hold me.” Clarke said quietly, the vulnerability shining in her voice. It made Lexa tremble against her before Lexa wrapped her arm around her again. Clarke brought her other arm up and wrapped it around Lexa’s neck, pulling them closer together.

 

Who in their right mind just hugged someone they hardly knew, someone who wouldn’t tell them anything, at four in the morning? Clarke didn’t know, but she didn’t let go of Lexa.

 

The kitchen was dark, apart from the one light above the kitchen sink. Clarke couldn’t remember when she embraced someone this well. Clarke couldn’t help but notice how perfect they fit together. Lexa was taller than her, so it made it easier for Lexa to wrap both arms around her waist as Clarke wrapped her arms around her neck.

 

And together they stood, both broken in different ways. Clarke had let a silent tear roll down her face before quickly wiping it away. She didn’t know when she became so emotional, but it definitely had something to do with the woman she was holding.

 

Clarke never wanted to let her go.

 

She wanted to take all of her pain away, and maybe Lexa was right. Maybe Lexa wasn’t the only one who needed saving.

 

Clarke felt her knees buckle when Lexa started leaning the majority of her weight on her. It made Clarke smile, because the girl was starting to fall back asleep. Clarke had stroked her neck a few times before softly shaking her.

 

“Come on, we should go back to sleep.”

 

And they didn’t talk about how they completely passed the room Lexa was sleeping in and went to Clarke’s.

 

Lexa was so tired, she all but plopped down on the bed as Clarke crawled in from the other side.

 

They both scooted to the middle of the bed and Clarke finally took the time to look into Lexa’s eyes. They were darker than before and only half open.

 

“You should get some rest.” Clarke said quietly, not wanting to ruin the peaceful atmosphere they had created. Lexa only nodded, before giving Clarke a single head shake. Clarke frowned in confusion, waiting for Lexa to say something.

 

“All I do is dream about my sister, and when I’m not dreaming about my sister, I’m dreaming about _her_.” Lexa didn’t elaborate on who ‘her’ was. Clarke knew better than to ask right now, nor did Lexa look like she wanted to talk about it.

 

“Come here.” Clarke found herself saying as she laid flat on her back. Lexa looked at her skeptically, before crawling closer to Clarke. The blonde tapped her chest a couple times and Lexa’s eyes lit up when she realized what Clarke was trying to do.

 

“You sure?” Lexa asked and Clarke nodded firmly.

 

“Lay down.” Clarke said again as she tapped her chest. She breathed in deeply from her nose as Lexa finally laid her head down on her.

 

The brunette’s moments were slow and unsure, but Clarke held her the whole time. She had one arm wrapped around her shoulders and Lexa laid down on her. The brunette hesitantly put her arm around Clarke’s stomach, before relaxing against her.

 

Even though Lexa didn’t want to go back to sleep, she fell asleep before Clarke did. Clarke hardly slept that night, she kept her eyes on Lexa, wondering where she would be right now if she hadn’t come back with her.

 

Clarke had no idea how she was going to pull this off, but she hoped that Lexa would agree to stay with her for a couple of days. Just until Clarke could figure out how to help her. Clarke was never one to give up, and she didn’t want to give up on Lexa. She couldn’t, not with the way the girl was clinging to her. Not with the way she was breathing peacefully, safe and sound with her. Clarke couldn’t give up on Lexa, but she had no idea how to help her either.

 

She just hoped they could take it one day at a time.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song used is: I Know A Place By Muna

 

 

* * *

 

 

**Part 5**

_I knew_

_When you told me you don’t wanna go home tonight_

_And you tried to shrug it off when I asked why_

_Somebody hurt you_

_Somebody hurt you_

_But you’re here by my side_

_And I knew_

_‘Cause I can recall when_

_I was the one in your seat_

_I still got the scars and they occasionally bleed_

_‘Cause somebody hurt me_

_Somebody hurt me_

_But I’m staying alive_

_\--_

_I know a place (ooh)_

_I know a place we can go (yeah)_

_Where everyone gonna lay down their weapons_

_Lay down their weapons_

_Just give me trust and watch what’ll happen_

* * *

 

 

There were two things that Lexa thought about in the morning: Today could either be a good day, or a bad one (and now, where was her next meal coming from).

 

Her mothers used to tell her that all the time when she was in high school and was living her rebellious adolescence years. She had remembered those words clearly. Her mother would storm into her room, her mama right on her heels, and they would pull her out of bed, exclaiming: _today could either be a good day, or a bad one. You decide!_

 

It was followed by one of her moms trying to pull her out of bed and the other one yanking open the curtains of her window to try to wake the sleepy teenager up. It annoyed Lexa to no end, but she hadn’t realized that those were the words she would live by everyday when she got older.

 

Lexa wanted it to be a good day. She was actually somewhere with a roof. Somewhere warm that smelled overwhelming like Clarke. Lexa had wanted it to be a good day until a loud bang jolted her from her sleep. Lexa quickly reached beside her. She was hoping to clutch her bag, but frowned deeply when all she felt was cold bed sheets.

 

The loud slam of a cabinet in the kitchen, snapped Lexa back into reality. She was at Clarke’s. She had slept here last night and now, she was listening to the very loud noises coming from the kitchen. At first, Lexa thought it could have been an intruder, but when she heard another loud thump followed by a very raspy: _Fuck!_ She knew it was Clarke.

 

Lexa smirked before she pulled her hair back into a ponytail. She also took the time to go back into her bathroom down the hall and brush her teeth before walking into the kitchen.

 

“Everything good?” Lexa asked slowly as she looked around the messy kitchen. There was flour everywhere, even in Clarke’s hair, and pancake batter in three separate bowls.

 

“Lexa!” Clarke called in surprise, her eyes wide like she got caught doing something she wasn’t supposed to. “You’re supposed to be asleep!”

 

“Who can sleep when it sounds like bombs going off in your kitchen?” Lexa asked as she slowly walked further into the kitchen. “What have you done?”

 

“I was just trying to make breakfast, but then I messed up the recipe and then I messed it up again, hence the three separate bowls!” Clarke cried. “I was just trying to make you breakfast.”

 

Clarke buried her head in her hands and Lexa rushed over to her.

 

“There, there, young one,” Lexa patted Clarke on the back awkwardly. “Not everyone can be as talented as I.”

 

“You should really be a comedian.” Clarke swatted at Lexa, before straightening up her appearance.

 

“I told you I knew my way around a kitchen,” Lexa shrugged casually. “Do you have any more pancake batter to spare?”

 

Clarke just silently pointed to the pantry beside the refrigerator and Lexa wasted no time walking over there.

 

“This’ll do.” Lexa said as she held up a box of chocolate pancake batter.

 

Clarke watched in awe as Lexa cleaned up the kitchen and started preparing the pancakes.

 

Within in the next hour, Clarke’s kitchen went from looking like a disaster to a sparkling clean with a stack of chocolate chip pancakes on the counter.

 

“The secret to be a good cook is to clean as you go,” Lexa had said over her shoulder, giving Clarke a cheeky smile. “That way there isn’t a huge mess at the end and you can just enjoy the meal.”

 

Lexa pushed the stack of pancakes over to Clarke with a huge grin.

 

“These look and smell so good.” Clarke groaned as she headed to the cabinet to grab two plates.

 

“I remember when life was so simple,” Lexa sat down at the small table in the corner of the kitchen. “I remember when all I had to do was wake up and life was _so_ simple. The only thing I was worried about was whether or not it was raining outside so I could go play.”

 

Clarke let out a knowing smile. She had remembered those days as well. She had missed those days, the same way Lexa had.

 

“I was happy,” Lexa chuckled out sadly, pouring an unhealthy proportion of syrup on her pancakes. Clarke was going to comment how that couldn’t have been good for her heart, but Lexa kept talking. “I had... what I thought.. was the love of my life. I had a sister and I was happy. Those days seemed as if they never happened, but I know they did because things are different now.”

 

Clarke took a bite of her pancakes, trying not to moan at the chocolate that exploded in her mouth. These pancakes were really good (like really, really good). She looked at Lexa, slow and calculated, relating to what she was saying.

 

“I wish I could go back to the days before my dad got shot,” Clarke said lowly. “Where my mom was happy and not indulging in any guy with a pulse. I miss seeing what true love was really like.”

 

“Love is a scam.” Lexa said bitterly. When Clarke raised an eyebrow, Lexa let out a deep breath. “It leaves you broken, alone and cheated. It’s a scam.”

 

“So, you don’t believe in love anymore?” Clarke asked to make sure.

 

“I used to,” Lexa paused for a moment, enough for Clarke to see how soft her eyes could really get, before they hardened completely. “But not anymore.”

 

“You and me both.” Clarke said, surprising Lexa. Lexa hummed and raised her glass of orange juice.

 

“I’ll drink to that.”

 

Clarke raised her glass as well and clinked it together with Lexa’s. They held eye contact for a moment, the briefest moment, but it felt like a life time before Lexa looked away from her.

 

“I want to take you somewhere today. Do you think I can?” Lexa asked as they finished up breakfast. Clarke wiped her mouth with a napkin, knowing that she had stuff all over her face. She knew she’d enjoyed herself a little too much.

 

“You can take me anywhere.” Clarke smiled longingly at Lexa.

 

It took a moment. Long enough for Lexa to clear the table and wash the dishes (even though Clarke had protested and said she would do it). It took a whole ten minutes before Clarke felt her heart flutter in her chest when Lexa smiled back at her.

 

She wiped her hands on the dish towel hanging on the handle of the oven and turned back to Clarke. It was brief, happening within a matter of seconds but Clarke still caught a glimpse of Lexa’s pretty smile before it faded away as if it never happened.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Yeah.”

* * *

 

 

“Have you heard anything from Clarke? She never goes this long without calling.” Octavia frowned at the thought of not hearing from her best friend. She was sitting on the couch with her other best friend, Raven. Her other best friend who was currently too invested in Call Of Duty to pay her any attention.

 

“Oh, die you asshole!” Raven muttered under her breath. Octavia sat there in disbelief before she stepped in front of her TV.

 

“Oh, come on, O! This is so not fair.” Raven whined and had no other choice other than to pause her game.

 

“I asked you a question.” Octavia stated with her hands on her hips and her eyebrows arched.

 

“You’re doing that thing,” Raven pointed at her. “You always arch your eyebrows a certain way when you’re disappointed.”

 

“I asked you a question.” Octavia repeated herself.

 

“And you couldn’t have just repeated it?” Raven groaned. “You had to jump in front of my game. I was about to kill that son of a bi–“

 

“Raven!”

 

“Okay, okay,” The game was already paused and Raven finally put down the controller. “What was the question?”

 

“Where’s Clarke?” Octavia asked seriously but Raven just groaned loudly.

 

“That was your question?” Raven screeched and picked the controller back up. “Usually when she goes quiet like this she’s getting laid, but she’s stopped that… so.. I really don’t know where she is, but I’m sure she’s okay. Now, can you please move?”

 

Octavia huffed and reluctantly moved out of the way. She went into the kitchen to get herself some snacks while she watched Raven play the game.

 

It was a normal routine of theirs to just hang out with each other. Usually, it was all three of them, but Clarke had been absent and while Octavia was a little worried, Raven wasn’t. Raven knew better and knew Clarke was with someone. She had no idea who that someone was, but she knew Clarke was okay.

 

Octavia came back and sat next to Raven. She munched on her chips loudly and watched as Raven cursed at the screen multiple times while aggressively pushing buttons on the controller.

 

Octavia waited a few minutes. She waited until Raven’s character on the screen died. Raven was highly upset, but she didn’t want to wait to say this.

 

“I’m gonna stop seeing Atom.” Octavia said quietly.

 

Raven was a lot of things. She was ignorant and blunt. She could be rude for what she thought was the right reasons, but sometimes were the wrong ones. Raven could be a complete jerk and while she was totally into her game, she heard what Octavia said loud and clear.

 

“What?” Raven asked in shocked. From what she heard, Atom was a great guy. They’ve only been seeing each other for a couple weeks, but she thought that he made Octavia happy.

 

“We don’t want the same things.” Octavia shrugged helplessly. Raven put her controller down and looked at her best friend. “Like how you and Kyle didn’t work out.”

 

“ _Wick_ was a child.” Raven grimaced at the mention of the guy she used to see. “There was no way we could work, but I thought you liked Atom.”

 

“I thought I did too,” Octavia agreed with a hum. “And then you start hanging out with the person too much and while it’s supposed to be a good thing, we just fought over little things.”

 

“We fight over little things sometimes.” Raven shrugged. “Doesn’t mean I don’t like you any less.”

 

“It’s different with us. You’re stuck with me for the rest of your life whether you like it or not.”

 

“Octavia…” Raven sighed seriously.

 

“I’m just not happy with him. I don’t see myself being with him for a long time. I just don’t. And I don’t feel like being with someone I can’t see myself ending up with.” Octavia started getting choked up and Raven scooted closer to her.

 

“Okay,” Raven said simply. “Then, that’s completely fine. We have the rest of our lives to figure it out.”

 

“You don’t know that.” Octavia protested.

 

“You’re right, but it’s always nice to think about. The right person for you is out there somewhere. I know it,” Raven looked Octavia right in the eyes, before she couldn’t hold her gaze anymore. “It’s going to be alright.”

 

“For an asshole, you’re pretty sweet.”

 

“Only to you,” Raven said, pausing briefly for a moment. “And Clarke.”

 

“It just hurts is all.” Octavia admitted. “I know we’re young, but I want that love everyone talks about. I want a love like Harper and Monroe. Those two are so in love with each other, it’s gross, but it’s also very cute.”

 

“You’ll have it one day, O. You’re beautiful and any guy… or girl, would be lucky to have you. I’m lucky to have you as a best friend.”

 

“Okay, you’re being too sweet. Go back to yelling at my TV.”

 

“Might as well be my TV. I’m always here.” Raven joked, with a sheepish smile. One only Octavia could pull out of her.

 

“In that case, rent is due at the end of the month.”

 

“Oh, I’m okay.” Raven smirked. “You own a restaurant. I’m sure you’re good on bills. Speaking of bills…”

 

“No.” Octavia said before Raven could ask her question. She knew what Raven was going to ask and she didn’t want to talk about him right now.

 

“O, it’s been a while.”

 

“That’s his fault.” Octavia huffed in anger.

 

“Octavia….”

 

“Can you please just play your game? I don’t want to talk about my brother right now. It’s bad enough that I know you two have history. I don’t need to hear you worrying about him.”

 

Raven stayed silent for a moment. Long enough for her to unpause the game and start playing again. The sounds of guns, rifles and bombs were going off left and right, but Octavia still heard what Raven had said. It made her heart flutter and ache at the same time.

 

“It’s not him I’m worried about,” Raven’s voice was low, but steady. Her eyes were glued to the screen. If it wasn’t for the serious look on Raven’s face (and not because of the game), Octavia wouldn’t think Raven was talking to her. “It’s you. I’m worried about you.”

 

“You don’t need to worry about me.”

 

“I’m your best friend. It’s my job to worry.”

 

“Can you please just–“

 

“Play the game?” Raven finished for her. They stared at each other for a moment. Neither one of them not knowing what to say to each other. “Yeah, I can do that.”

 

* * *

 

 

Clarke allowed herself to be dragged across town to wherever Lexa wanted to take her. She wouldn’t complain about her feet hurting or how the further they walked, the worst the town got. Trash was everywhere they turned and the smells wafting from this part of town weren’t pleasant, but Clarke would allow Lexa to steer her in the direction she wanted by taking her hand from time to time. Clarke would stare at the childhood excitement displayed across Lexa’s face. Clarke would wonder where in the world this girl was taking her.

 

It only took about ten more minutes to get there. Ten more minutes of Lexa touching her softly. Ten more minutes of Clarke wondering where exactly they were going.

 

They walked through a field of grass before stopping in front of a tunnel underground. Clarke looked around in confusion before Lexa explained herself.

 

“I know it’s no mansion or an expensive loft in the city and I didn’t have much time to clean it up,” Lexa gestured around to the various amounts of trash littered on the floor. “But it’s where I sleep.”

 

Clarke had to keep her brave face on when she realized what was going on, no matter how much she wanted to cry. Lexa was allowing her to be in a place so sacred to her, that Clarke wasn’t going to ruin it.

 

“Thank you,” Clarke breathed out, her nose quivering. “For showing me.”

 

“I also don’t have cable,” Lexa said sheepishly, trying to pull a smile from the blonde. (It worked. Clarke flashed Lexa a toothy grin). “The cable guy hasn’t shown up for weeks. I’m starting to believe he’s conning me for my money.”

 

“God, Lexa.” Clarke breathed again before taking rushed steps closer to her. It took the brunette by surprise, that she took a step back. “How can you joke about this?”

 

Lexa thought about it for a moment, pursing her lips in thought. She gestured around the place again.

 

“At least it keeps me dry.”

 

“Your moms–“

 

“Clarke, don’t.” Lexa warned dangerously. The optimistic look in her eyes faded, and her jaw locked.

 

Clarke stayed silent for a moment, wondering how this conversation was going to turn out. Clarke didn’t say anything and neither did Lexa.

 

Clarke took the time to look around again. She listened to the loud sounds of cars passing above. She looked at the small creek next to them, a dark, murky brown from all of the trash near. Clarke couldn’t help but wonder if that was Lexa’s only source of water.

 

Clarke looked at the littered trash around them, stepping on something left and right. Clarke would look up and notice the sad look on Lexa’s face and feel completely defeated.

 

Clarke did something she didn’t think she ever would do. It was something very courageous and brave of her. She was doubting it every step of the way, but she wasn’t going to back down now. Not with the somber look on Lexa’s face. Not with Lexa so vulnerable right now.

 

Clarke walked up to Lexa, the brunette’s back was to her. Clarke gently grabbed Lexa’s hand and held it. Lexa looked uncomfortable in every way possible, but it wasn’t going to stop Clarke. If Lexa really didn’t want Clarke on her, the brunette would’ve said something by now.

 

If holding Lexa’s hand got her heart racing, it completely soared when Clarke leaned the front of her body against the back of Lexa’s. Clarke pointed gently to the corner of the tunnel. It was filled with dirt and spider webs, but it made Clarke smile.

 

“You know,” Clarke rasped lowly. “If I look close enough there’s a nice big couch over there.”

 

Lexa frowned for a second, having no idea what Clarke was talking about. There clearly wasn’t a couch in the corner and Lexa was about to make a comment before she caught on to what the blonde was doing. It made Lexa close her eyes and exhale deeply.

 

“And there’s a TV in front of it,” Lexa said slowly, as if testing out the waters and grew more bold when Clarke nodded encouragingly. “But there’s no cable because the damn cable guy hasn’t been here for a long time.”

 

“There’s a coffee table with two steaming mugs waiting for us.” Clarke added.

 

“And a lamp for when it gets dark outside.” Lexa was getting the hang of the little game they were playing, and as they daydreamed about all the things that could fill up this underground tunnel, Lexa was starting to relax more into Clarke.

 

“On the other side, is a pool table,” Clarke said, before smirking. “You’ll ask me to play and regret it later when I win a couple rounds.”

 

“I’ll make up for it by the air hockey table and totally smoke you.”

 

“I’ll let you win because a girl can only take so much losing.”

 

“There’s a bed,” Lexa said bluntly. “A nice, big warm bed. Almost as comfortable as yours.”

 

“Would I be invited into that bed?” Clarke asked curiously. Lexa took this moment to turn around and face Clarke since they started playing this little game of theirs. The sheer intensity in Lexa’s eyes, almost took Clarke by surprise and her heart was thumping in her chest.

 

“Only if you want to be.” Lexa said after a moment. She was biting her and Clarke bit her own.

 

“I’ll have to think about it.” Clarke teased and Lexa huffed out a laugh.

 

“Thank you for that,” Lexa said. “I know I haven’t been fair and you barely know anything about me, but just thank you for not… thank you for not giving up so easily.”

 

“I’ll never give up on you, Lexa.”

 

“Don’t say things like that,” Lexa said seriously, pulling away from Clarke. “You’ll be surprised when it actually happens.”

 

“Lexa–“

 

“I’m sorry for always shutting you out. I know what it’s like to be on the other side of the wall and I know it’s not fair. I want to tell you things, Clarke. I just don’t know how.”

 

“You can start with the small things and if that’s too much, we can change the subject, or we don’t have to talk about it at all.”

 

“I had a girlfriend,” Lexa admitted, the deep sigh she took made Clarke shudder. “She was… beautiful. Smart. Courageous. Everything I could ever wish for. I had so many things going for me, Clarke and I ruined it all.” Lexa didn’t make eye contact with Clarke as she talked, but Clarke stayed by her side the entire time. “I got into college. I had a sister. I had Anya, my best friend.”

 

Clarke almost jumped at the sound of her assistant’s name. The feeling of what she was doing was completely wrong came flooding down on her. She didn’t have much time to process it, because Lexa kept going.

 

“One day, my girlfriend decided she wanted to move to be closer to her mom. We broke up and I… I became the one person I never thought I would. I was already closed off, but this was different. No matter what I did, I wasn’t happy. I went to a party and…”

 

Lexa stopped talking. Clarke couldn’t see her, but she could tell by the way Lexa’s shoulders were moving that she was crying. Clarke tried to comfort her, but Lexa pulled away.

 

“Why are you still here?” Lexa cried out. “Look at where we are, and you still don’t get it. Clarke, you can’t fix me! No one can. I’m unfixable and I’m a drug addict!”

 

“Lexa–“ Clarke shook her head in disbelief. The one thing they both knew, but refused to talk about finally came tumbling out of Lexa’s mouth and while Clarke knew what was going on, hearing Lexa say it out loud, shocked her. Clarke didn’t want to believe that this beautiful woman standing in front of her, was at one point hooked on something as deadly as drugs, but Clarke was only fooling herself.

 

“I’m not on anything right now and I haven’t been for a while, but that doesn’t change the fact that I’m a drug addict Clarke, and you can’t fix me.”

 

“I thought we were okay.” Clarke shook her head, tears blurring her vision. Lexa laughed emotionlessly before she jerked her head to the corner.

 

“You wanna know what I see when I look over there?” Lexa asked darkly. Clarke already knew the answer. They both did, but Clarke let Lexa answer her own question. “I see… I see a mountain full of drugs that I can snort or inject into my body. I see all the pain I’ve been experiencing vanishing from my body within minutes. I see… a broken, unfixable girl who is never going to get better. I see a stupid–“

 

Clarke couldn’t take it anymore. She knew what was going on. She wasn’t stupid. She knew the girl in front of her had a past with drugs and it broke her heart.

 

Clarke didn’t ask for permission. She knew she already had it. She grabbed the girl in front of her, knowing she was going to fight her off. Clarke held strong and wrapped an arm around her neck.

 

“Let me go!” Lexa yelled. “Just let me go!”

 

Lexa wasn’t stopping. She was thrashing around in Clarke’s hold trying to get out of it. Clarke finally broke down and let out a sob before holding Lexa closer. She wanted to hold her until all her pain went away, but she knew she couldn’t. She knew she couldn’t be the drugs, Lexa so clearly craved.

 

“I’m so messed up, Clarke! Please just let me _go_!” Lexa’s voice cracked as she let out a broken sob. The brunette finally stopped fighting Clarke and let herself be consumed by the girl in front of her.

 

“I’m never letting you go,” Clarke said out of breath from trying to calm the girl down. “I’m never letting you go.”

 

It made Lexa cry even harder. It took everything for Clarke to hold it together. The stood together under the bridge for a long while, just holding each other. Clarke was really starting to believe she was in way too deep and she had no idea how to pull herself out of this.

 

Not this time.

 

* * *

 

 

“I didn’t mean to upset you,” Raven had been playing her game for the past hour and Octavia hadn’t said a word to her. “I just wanted to see if maybe you’ve heard from him.”

 

“I know and I love you for that,” Octavia said, making Raven smile a bit. “But it’s okay.”

 

Raven frowned deeply and surprised Octavia by putting the controller down.

 

“No, it’s not.” Raven reminded her. “It’s not okay and I know you’re hurting because of it.”

 

“It was his choice,” Octavia said. “I’m happy he has a job.”

 

“But he isn’t here.”

 

“I don’t need him to watch over me. I’m not a little girl anymore.”

 

“That’s not what I meant and you know it.”

 

“I’m fine. He’s fine. My mom is happy. What else do you want?”

 

“I want you to admit that you’re hurt that he left. I want you to tell me that it’s not okay, because it isn’t. I know you miss him and you don’t have to hide it, yet you do. I’m not worried about Bellamy, Octavia. I’m worried about you.”

 

Octavia flinched at the mention of her brother. Octavia didn’t know why it was such a sensitive topic for her. Maybe it’s because they’ve been inseparable ever since they were little kids and the fact that he wasn’t here right now, when Octavia needed him the most, hurt.

 

Octavia knew Raven was right. Everything Raven was saying was right and that hurt even more.

 

“I do miss him,” Octavia said softly. “But I’m not going to sit here and cry over it.”

 

“Everyone knows that you two were very close. Nothing could come between the Blake siblings and now, you just don’t even speak to him.”

 

“I have nothing to say.” Octavia snapped. “There’s nothing to say!”

 

Raven breathed deeply before continuing. “I want you to be happy, Octavia. But I don’t know how to do that. I can’t fix things between you and Bellamy. I can’t fix things between you and Atom. Only you can.”

 

“There’s nothing to fix.” Octavia muttered bitterly.

 

“I want my bubbly best friend back.”

 

“That girl has grown up, Rae,” Octavia said seriously. “She had no other choice.”

 

Raven stayed quiet, knowing she was trying to fight a losing battle.

 

“Thank you,” Octavia said after a few minutes. They were both sitting on the couch in silence. “For worrying about me and wanting me to be happy. I want the same for you.”

 

“We’ll find happiness, O. You are destined to be love by someone who thinks you are their world.”

 

The glance Raven took towards Octavia made her heart beat fast. She placed her hand on her best friend’s thigh and squeezed it.

 

“Thank you.” Octavia picked up Raven’s hand and held it in hers. Octavia brought Raven’s hand up to her lips, placing a tiny kiss to it. It made the blood rush to Raven’s cheeks, but she brushed it off. Raven Reyes never blushed. “Thank you.”

 

“You’re welcome.” Raven said simply.

 

“Go back to playing your game, you goof.”

 

Raven let out a huge grin and did just that.

 

* * *

 

 

It was the next day. Clarke turned her alarm off and the two of them slept in all morning. Clarke couldn’t remember the last time she slept in until noon, but it felt amazing. Lexa’s warm body was right next to hers and Clarke didn’t want to be anywhere else.

 

It had been awhile since Clarke had shared a bed with another human being other than sex. Lexa was sleeping peacefully beside her and Clarke never wanted to move from this spot. Lexa slept like a rock, but managed to be so beautiful about it. Her face was free of any worry or discomfort. She looked completely comfortable, that Clarke allowed herself to lay in bed for another forty-five minutes just staring at her.

 

She couldn’t count how many times she wanted to tuck Lexa’s hair behind her ears, it was all over the place. She wanted to so bad, but she knew how creepy that would be and had to physically restrain herself from doing so.

 

By the time noon hit, Clarke figured they should get up. (Had she spent another second in bed with Lexa, she would’ve tucked that piece of hair that kept falling in Lexa’s face behind her ear). Clarke had to shake her a few times and call out her name. Lexa strongly protested, claiming that she needed just five more minutes of sleep, but Clarke bribed her with chocolate chip muffins and coffee from down the street that had her out of bed within minutes.

 

It was the first time they’d been anywhere together. Lexa never strayed from Clarke’s side and barely made eye contact with anyone. Clarke tried to order their food as quickly as she could before they left the place.

 

“I don’t know who Jerry is,” Lexa said before taking a huge bite of the muffin. “But I’m really glad he exists.”

 

Clarke walked alongside Lexa and let out a loud laugh. Jerry’s Cafè was one of Clarke’s favorite places for breakfast and she was glad Lexa liked it just as much as she did.

 

She sipped her coffee happily and munched on her muffin as Lexa did. There was no set destination, Clarke was just happy Lexa was out in public with her. She knew she had to be careful, they both did and unknowingly for the exact same reason.

 

It wasn’t uncommon for Anya to come to this part of town, she didn’t live that far from it. It made Clarke slightly on edge, but she wanted to enjoy her time with Lexa. The brunette seemed to be enjoying herself and that was all Clarke wanted.

 

“I used to love coffee,” Lexa said, looking longingly at the to-go coffee cup in her hand. “So did my ex and when we broke up, I never touched the stuff again.”

 

Clarke was smiling just listening to Lexa’s voice, but when she realized what she said, her smile faded.

 

“Oh my god,” Clarke gasped. “I had no idea.”

 

“No, it’s okay.” Lexa quickly reassured her. “I’ve missed it, but I just… it’s stupid. Never mind.”

 

“It’s not stupid. Things like that are common during breakups. I had a boyfriend back in college who loved cheesecake and I skip that section of the store every time, even after all this time. It’s common.”

 

“Is it common to still miss her? To wonder how she is?” Lexa asked nervously and Clarke smiled sadly.

 

“Sadly, it is.”

 

“I don’t know if I can get back to the old me,” Lexa pinched her eyebrows together as they walked down the street. “Some people hate their old self and would never want to be like that again, but it’s completely different with me. I want to find the girl I was before I started doing drugs, Clarke. I just don’t know how.”

 

Clarke stopped them in the middle of the busy sidewalk. People were walking all around them, some even stopping because they were taking up the whole sidewalk. Normally, Clarke would bark back at all the rude people telling them to get out of the way, but she didn’t care. Not with the way the sunlight was hitting Lexa’s eyes right now. Not with the way Lexa was allowing Clarke to be let in. Clarke didn’t care about a single person on this sidewalk, besides Lexa.

 

Lexa was looking at her curiously, wondering why Clarke had stopped them. To be honest, Clarke had no idea why she stopped them either. Maybe it was because she wanted to see just how green Lexa’s eyes can be in broad daylight. Maybe it was because she wanted to catch a whiff of the her coconut shampoo that smelled so much better on Lexa. Maybe it was because Clarke just wanted to be close to Lexa.

 

“We’ll figure it out.” Clarke eventually said. She didn’t know why she had to stop them in their tracks to say that, but she wanted Lexa to know she was serious. She didn’t break eye-contact until Lexa asked:

 

“We?”

 

“Yes, we,” Clarke nodded adamantly. “We’re going to figure this out, Lexa.”

 

Clarke took a hesitant breath. She didn’t know what she was getting herself into, but the more time she spent with Lexa, the more she wanted to know everything about the girl.

 

“I didn’t know the girl you were before… but if she’s just as smart and beautiful as the one I’m looking at now… I would love to meet her.” Clarke finally took this time to start walking again. There were people glaring at them for holding up the pedestrian traffic, but Clarke didn’t care. She was more focused on her beating heart.

 

“I’m not smart, Clarke.”

 

As they walked further down town, Clarke thought of something. It made her smile widely.

 

“I think you are very smart, Lexa.” A secretive smile growing on her face. One, Lexa had no idea about.

 

“Thanks, Heels. But you’re wrong.”

 

Clarke knew she could indulge herself into an argument right now, but she had something better in mind. She knew Lexa was trying to let Clarke in as much as she could and she wanted to return the favor. She didn’t want to be the only one trying to let down their walls.

 

“You know how you showed me your place… well, I was hoping I could show you mine.” Clarke looked at Lexa hopefully, and the girl was already wearing a soft smile as if saying yes.

 

And with a mischievous grin (and a very fast beating heart), Clarke grabbed Lexa’s hand before she could say anything else.

 

* * *

 

 

It started with a light drizzle, a little rumble of the skies before the ground before them became soaked. Lexa was smiling in spite of it and Clarke was just… _annoyed_.

 

“Of _course_ it starts raining when we get here. I’m sorry.”

 

“It's alright. I don’t like thunderstorms, but a light rain doesn’t bother me.” Lexa stared ahead at the huge fountain in front of them. The water was splashing in all direction and with the dark, cloudy skies, Lexa could see the pennies and nickels shimmering.

 

“I used to come here a lot after my dad died. My mom got a job in Washington D.C. that she would be crazy to miss. I just like to come here to feel close to him.” As Clarke talked, the rain only got harder, louder. Lexa was listening, but it was hard to hear over the rain.

 

“You have to love the Polis weather.” Lexa joked and Clarke smirked at her.

 

“I just wanted you to see the fountain,” Clarke frowned. “But maybe we can enjoy it when it’s not pouring down rain.”

 

“I think that might be best.”

 

“I know an old arcade down the street. Barely anyone goes in there. I’m surprised they are still in business.” Lexa knew that Clarke was worried about her being so open in public. Clarke knew that Lexa was skeptical of it, but it didn’t stop her from sliding her hand into Clarke’s waiting one.

 

Lexa pursed her lips and said, “Lead the way.”

 

* * *

 

 

Clarke was right about nobody being there. It was completely empty. There was old indie music playing in the background and the creepy old guy who works here lingering around. Clarke greeted him politely before dragging Lexa to a table in the back.

 

They passed by many games Clarke had played in her childhood, one of them being PacMan. A foosball table was in the corner and a basketball game right next to them. Lexa looked around warily before sitting down across from Clarke.

 

“This place creeps me out.” Lexa whispered out. Clarke would’ve laughed at the look on Lexa’s face, but she could tell the girl was being completely serious. It made her smile fondly.

 

“We can hide out here until the rain lessens.” Clarke offered and Lexa nodded slowly.

 

“I have nothing else to do.” Lexa said sheepishly and Clarke scoffed.

 

“Way to be a gentlewoman.” Clarke teased lightly and nearly choked on her spit when Lexa winked at her. It was so casual, yet subtle, but Clarke knew Lexa wanted her to see it. Clarke looked away for a moment to hide the smile on her face.

 

It was quiet for the most part, except of the music playing in the background and coming from some of the games next to them. Clarke was waiting for someone else to come in. Maybe hide out in the rain like them, but no one came. For a while fifteen minutes, they sat there and just looked at each other.

 

Clarke couldn’t look away, even though she knew she should. There was no one here with them. Clarke wasn’t even trying to be subtle about her leering. She was staring straight at Lexa and Lexa was staring back.

 

Clarke felt like Lexa could see every flaw of hers, starting with her hair. She hadn’t had it cut in so long. She always pinned it up when she was court, so it wouldn’t get in her way of delivering justice.

 

But as Clarke sat there, she felt like she couldn’t see Lexa at all. Sure, she could see her hair that was a bit matted together from months of not washing it. And yeah, she could see those pretty green eyes dancing all over her face. But Clarke couldn’t seem to _see_ Lexa and she was completely confused.

 

“I never like staying at the bridge for too long,” Lexa broke the long silence between them. It wasn’t at all uncomfortable, but Clarke had no idea what to say to the girl in front of her. “I know people are looking for me, so I just spend a night or two there and be on my way.”

 

Clarke leaned her elbows against the table, resting her chin in her hands. She looked up at Lexa, completely in a trance.

 

“I know my best friend, Anya, is probably looking for me. I miss her,” Lexa’s voice became shaky, like she was on the edge of a breakdown. “She was truly the one person I could talk to and I’m afraid if I just show up or if she finds me, that it’s not going to be the same. I’ve done too much damage and I’ve hurt too many people. I don’t think things could ever be the way they were.”

 

“But you don’t know that. You don’t know because you haven’t tried. You ran away and I don’t think that’s good for anyone.” Clarke responded wholeheartedly.

 

“I want to go back. One day, just show up at my moms’ house, but I can’t. I know that, that’s what everyone wants, but it’s not true. They just want to make sure I’m not dead. They don’t give a shit about me. Not after what happened.”

 

The only logical question Clarke wanted to ask was: _what happened?_ Why were the pieces not adding up in Clarke’s books? What was the reason why this beautiful girl wasn’t smiling right now? They were in an arcade after all and Lexa hadn’t managed to crack a smile once.

 

“Do you want to play a game?” Clarke pointed to the basketball game behind them. Clarke didn’t know the first thing about basketball, but she figured she couldn’t be that bad.

 

“Sure.” Lexa said quickly. Clarke knew she was trying to avoid the subject and frowned slightly.

 

“Why don’t we make it interesting?” Clarke asked slowly.

 

“What do you mean?” Lexa asked softly.

 

“If I win, you have to tell me the deep dark secret you keep holding on to and if you win, I’ll never ask about it again until you’re ready.”

 

“That seems a bit unfair, don’t you think?”  

 

“Do you want to tell me what happened?” Clarke asked seriously and felt a thrill run through her when Lexa nodded. Not because it was driving Clarke crazy about not knowing what was going on, but because Lexa was trusting her enough to let her. It had nothing to do with what happened and everything to do with the fact that Lexa was letting down some of her wall.

 

“I do.” Lexa said honestly. “And I guess I have all game to figure out how.”

 

“You can’t be that bad,” Clarke chuckled. “Not as bad as me.”

 

* * *

 

 

Clarke was in the lead, (by a whole six points to be exact). She didn’t want to be cocky, but listening to Lexa get frustrated beside her was making it hard.

 

“Oh, come on.” Lexa grunted as she threw the ball towards the hoop, watching it roll around the rim before it bounced out. Clarke smiled on the inside and threw her ball toward the hoop, clapping in excitement when it made it in.

 

“You’re cheating!” Lexa exclaimed, going as far as trying to wave her hands in front of Clarke to mess her game up.

 

“Now you’re cheating!” Clarke said seriously, but threw her head back in laughter. It meant everything to her when she heard Lexa giggling beside her.

 

The rest of the game was played in pure silence. The both of them were focusing on trying to win. Lexa had caught up to her but there was only twenty seconds left. Clarke was still in the lead and Lexa was starting to freak out. Not because of what was going to happen when Clarke won, but Lexa really wanted to win this. Clarke thought about taking it easy on the girl, but once she started going, it was hard for her to stop.

 

“I swear you played back in high school or something. You completely smoked me!” Lexa frowned once the game was over and Clarke won. Clarke was doing a victory dance and Lexa couldn’t bring herself to be truly upset, not with the way Clarke was moving her hips.

 

“Nope. That was just pure luck.” Clarke purred and it made Lexa’s ears perk up.

 

The score ended up being 100 to 80 with Clarke in the lead and Lexa was still shocked that Clarke had beat her. They walked over back to the table they’d been sitting at and Lexa shifted awkwardly.

 

“If you don’t–“

 

“I was out one night and my moms had this dinner party they had to go to,” Lexa started off tentatively. Clarke sat back in her seat, wishing she had a bag of popcorn with her. Lexa was getting ready to tell her the one thing she’d been trying to figure out since they’d met. “I was high out of my mind, Clarke, but I wanted my moms to count on me, especially when it came to Aubrey. So, I told them that I would be there.”

 

“I was late. Twenty minutes to be exact. My moms were so worried about how late they were, they didn’t see how high I was.” Lexa chuckled at the memory. She was rubbing her hands together and Clarke didn’t know if she should stop her or not. “It happened while I was in college, before I dropped out and I was trying to act like everything was okay. Aubrey was going to be nine soon so I figured she’d be alright on her own.”

 

This was the part where Lexa started fidgeting in her seat. The part where those beautiful green eyes wouldn’t meet hers anymore. Clarke knew this was the part where Lexa told her the one thing that had been haunting her for years.

 

“I don’t remember what I was doing, but all I know is Aubrey was outside for a little while. She goes out back all the time and I figured she’d been okay. I was on the couch trying to form a coherent sentence so I could go outside and tell Aubrey to come in, but I couldn’t, Clarke. I just sat on that couch, my mind on cloud nine while my sister was outside drowning.”

 

Clarke gasped loudly. She placed a hand over her heart and the other one immediately went to Lexa’s hand. She gripped it tightly as Lexa continued.

 

“I didn’t realize for the longest time. She asked me if she could go for a swim and I said yes. She doesn’t even know _how_ to swim. She got into the deep side of the pool and struggled for a long while. At least that’s what the doctor said. I was too high to realize my sister was drowning in the pool. I was so dumb enough to say yes. I should’ve been out there with her. I should–“

 

Lexa stood up from her seat, ripping her hands away from Clarke. Clarke tried not to look hurt by it, but didn’t think she succeeded.

 

“I should’ve tried harder. I mean, the only way I found out that something was wrong was my neighbors barging into my house. I had no idea what was going on. I was barely registering what was happening but they were yelling and pointing to the pool, and I instantly knew. No matter how fast I tried to get there, it wasn’t enough. I heard the thrashing in the water. One of my neighbors was trying to give Aubrey CPR and I just stood there like a dumbass. I killed her.”

 

“No you didn’t.” Clarke quickly said, trying to comprehend everything Lexa was saying.

 

“I was so high that I failed to take care of my sister. She died because of me, because I let her do something by herself and she needed me to be there with her, but I was too wrapped up in my own pain. I just didn’t want to feel the heartbreak anymore so I got high before I went over there and now…” Lexa stopped for a moment, a single tear running down her cheek. “Well, now, I’m here.”

 

“Oh, Lexa.” Clarke said helplessly, rushing over to her side.

 

“She could be here right now if it wasn’t for me. Had I been there to watch over her. To save her. To tell her that she shouldn’t be swimming by herself, but I just stood there and let her go while I stayed in the house and I will never forgive myself for it. I will never,” Lexa was shaking her head as she spoke. “My moms were a mess. Completely ruined by it and when they found out the reason why all of this happened, they threw me into rehab before I could even blink. I left shortly after that because all I thought about was my sister and I couldn’t take it anymore.”

 

Lexa stayed quiet for a moment, hesitant about what she was going to say next.

 

“I used to get high to forget it, but I was being honest when I said I haven’t touched the stuff. I haven’t had any drugs in a really long time. It really sucks and my body wants it, but I’m telling myself no.”

 

“Lexa…” Clarke’s voice was soft and sweet, almost as if she was apologizing.

 

“It’s okay, Clarke.” Lexa tried to muster up a smile, but it didn’t quite work. “I told you it was bad. She’s gone because of me and I have to deal with that everyday. That’s why I refuse to go home. I spent every dime I had on drugs and I’ve done some things. Things I’m not proud of.”

 

“Like what?” Clarke asked slowly.

 

“I would go back to my moms and steal some things to buy drugs.” Lexa admitted and Clarke let out a breath. She wrapped her arm around Lexa’s neck and brought her in closer to her.

 

“I fell off the face of the earth after that. When I realized just how much pain I was putting my mothers in. I just can’t think of going back. Back to the house where my sister died, back to the town that I lost myself in. I can’t do it, Clarke. This is much easier.”

 

“You are torturing yourself for no reason.” Clarke pulled Lexa in closer to her and the girl allowed it to happen.

 

“I don’t know what else to do.” Lexa whispered out sadly. “I don’t know how to make the pain stop and I can’t face what happened, especially since I didn’t finish rehab. I’m the worst daughter and sister to ever live and I’m not going back.”

 

Clarke rested her cheek against Lexa’s neck. She pulled the taller girl into her and held her tight. When she pulled away, Lexa’s face was right next to hers.

 

Clarke’s breathing picked up. She thought Lexa would shy away like she always did, but she wasn’t moving. Lexa stayed against Clarke, and Clarke had to tell herself to get it together.

 

Lexa was looking at her with uncertainty in her eyes, but that didn’t stop her from moving. Clarke had no idea what was going on, but she knew she didn’t want to move nor did she want Lexa to move.

 

Clarke gripped the back of Lexa’s neck boldly and drew her in. Lexa yelped against her, but leaned down. The sweet smell of chocolate was wafting off of Lexa’s breath and Clarke wanted nothing more than to taste it on her tongue. She wanted to fall into the uncertainty that was Lexa Woods and smiled when she felt her lean closer and closer.

 

Clarke couldn’t believe she was about to kiss the girl that she’d been spending so much time thinking about recently. She didn’t know if it was a good idea, but when she felt Lexa’s breath tickle her lips, she was all in. Lexa stepped closer to her and as Clarke leaned up and Lexa leaned down to finally connect their lips, a loud buzz interrupted them.

 

Clarke jerked away from Lexa, leaving the taller brunette in a state of confusion. Clarke realized her phone was buzzing on the table and went to go get it. Her chest was heaving up and down and she didn’t bother looking back at Lexa. Clarke didn’t think she could handle the way Lexa’s eyes had darkened in desire.

 

The call was from Anya. The best friend of the girl who was currently standing behind her. The best friend of the girl who was missing right now. Clarke’s heart was jumping in her chest and she was quick to answer the phone so Lexa couldn’t see who it was from.

 

“Yes?” Clarke asked, almost out of breath.

 

“Hey, boss. I’m going to Lexa’s moms house this weekend and I was wondering if I could possibly skip coming into work Monday. I think I have a plan on how to find Lexa.” Clarke tried not to let the color drain from her face. Her assistant was telling her that she was going to try to find the girl she was currently with.

 

Clarke turned around in paranoia. She wanted to know if Lexa had heard any of the conversation. By the confused and dazed look on her face, the brunette hadn’t and had it not been for the fact that she was on the phone with Anya, she would’ve smiled at how confused Lexa looked.

 

“I hired a private detective and I really feel like this could work.” Clarke had to sit there and listen to all the ways Anya was going to find Lexa. It took everything in her not to blurt out there was no reason for it. Lexa was standing right in front of her and although she looked incredibly thin, Lexa was okay.

 

Clarke didn’t say anything about that though. She hadn’t mentioned that Lexa was staying with her and how she meet her on the train. Clarke hadn’t mentioned that Lexa told her what happened and that Lexa was in pain everyday. Clarke hadn’t told Anya that she knew who Lexa was and that she was starting to care for her deeply. Clarke just stood there and listened to Anya rant about the girl in front of her.

 

“The guy is supposed to be really good at his job and I can’t wait. His name is Detective Blake. I’m going down there to tell Lexa’s moms about him and hopefully we can all just work together and we can find her.” The hope Anya had in her voice, completely broke Clarke’s heart. She felt as if she was a terrible human being, but still Clarke wasn’t going to mention that she knew where Lexa was.

 

Lexa was shifting from foot to foot, biting her lip thoroughly. She looked like she was deep in thought and Clarke thought she looked insanely cute right now.

 

“That sounds amazing,” Clarke finally found herself saying. She wanted to hurry up and wrap the conversation up because the guilt was eating her alive. “Listen, I have to go, but just tell me how things go this weekend.”

 

Clarke quickly hung up the phone and didn’t wait for Anya to say goodbye.

 

They both wordlessly left the arcade once the rain had let up. Clarke’s heart was beating next to Lexa’s and not for the reason she wanted it to. They didn’t talk about the fact that had Clarke’s phone not gone off, they totally would’ve kissed. Clarke didn’t talk about the fact that Lexa’s best friend had just called her or that there was a private detective that was going to search every inch of this town until they found her.

 

Clarke just stood next to Lexa, walking silent. Each step she was taking, the more the reality of the situation was settling in.

 

  
Clarke was completely and utterly _fucked_.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for sticking around on this story and my others as well. I know I sound like a broken record, but I hope this is just the beginning of me starting to upload regularly again. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy this chapter! Things are about to get really intense, but for the best.
> 
> The song used is: Hometown Glory By Adele

 

* * *

 

**Part 6**

_I’ve been walking in the same way as I did_

_Missing out the cracks in the pavement_

_And turning my heel and strutting my feet_

_“Is there anything I can do for you dear?_

_Is there anyone I could call?”_

_“No and thank you, please Madam,_

_I ain’t lost, just wondering”_

_\--_

_Round my hometown_

_Memories are fresh_

_Round my hometown_

_Ooh the people I’ve met_

_Are the wonders of my world_

_Are the wonders of my world_

_Are the wonders of this world_

_Are the wonders of now_

 

* * *

 

 

“Hey boss,” Nathan Miller said as he approached the woman covered in dirt and grim. Raven was underneath a car, inspecting it. “Jared is out front. He was wondering if you could fit him in. He just needs a quick oil change.”

  
  
“Yeah, I can,” Raven agreed, and came from under the car, wiping her brow. She went to her tool bench and looked down at her phone. “I just need to make a phone call real quick.”

  
  
“Sure thing, boss.” Nathan nodded and left the garage to give Raven some privacy.

  
  
Raven waited nervously as the phone rang. She had no idea why. She was just calling Octavia, but her breath got caught in her throat when she answered.

  
  
“Hey, Rae.” Octavia’s cheery voice flooded through the phone.

  
  
“Hey, I was just wondering what time you get off tonight?” Raven cleared her throat, surprised that her voice sounded so smooth.

  
  
There was a pause on the line, probably Octavia looking down at her watch.

  
  
“Probably around midnight.”

  
  
“Should I come by then?” Raven asked and Octavia hummed.

  
  
“Yes.” She said and Raven could hear the smile in her voice. It made Raven smile back.

  
  
“Okay cool,” Raven nodded. “I’ll see you then. Bye, O.”

  
  
“See ya, Reyes.”

 

* * *

 

 

Ever since the phone call, Clarke had cherished her time with Lexa because she didn’t know what was going to happen when all the dots were connected. It had been two days and the phone call was the only thing Clarke could think about.

 

_“I hired a private detective and I really feel like this could work.”_

 

Clarke knew Anya wasn’t going to stop. Whenever that girl put her mind to something, she wasn’t stopping until it happened. Clarke knew Anya would look for Lexa this entire time, although Lexa had been safe and sound with her.

 

Lexa was going to hate her surely. There was no way she couldn’t, but how was she supposed to tell Lexa that her best friend was currently her assistant and had been actively searching for her this past year?

 

Clarke was running through every possible scenario and all of them ended up with Lexa completely hating her. She didn’t know what would happen once everything was revealed. She didn’t know how Lexa was going to react, but she knew it wasn’t going to be good.

 

“You’ve barely touched your pasta.” Lexa said gently, but it felt like she was holding a megaphone to her ears.

 

Clarke jumped and Lexa frowned.

 

Clarke had gone across the street to get lunch for them. It was Sunday and Clarke had to work tomorrow. She didn’t know what that meant for them or if Lexa was going to stay here while she was away. She wanted her to.

 

A part of Clarke wanted to tie Lexa up and drag her to work with her like a child, but knew that would never happen.

 

“You’re spacing out again.” Lexa said, but this time Clarke didn’t jump. She was consciously aware of what she was doing.

 

“I’m sorry.” Clarke said and looked down at her pasta. There was still steam coming off of it and it smelled delicious, but the sight of food right now was making Clarke queasy.

 

_She couldn’t do this._

 

“I’m just not in the mood to eat.” Clarke said seriously and Lexa’s frown deepened.

 

“Well, are you okay? What’s wrong?” Lexa asked in concern. Clarke wanted to laugh at that question.

 

“I’m fine, Lexa.” Clarke said. She needed to stop being so weird because she could tell Lexa was starting to get suspicious.

 

“Do you want me to leave?” Lexa asked indifferently and Clarke immediately shook her head.

 

“No, just the opposite.” Clarke whispered out, like she was afraid to admit it. “What are you going to do tomorrow while I’m at work?”

 

Clarke knew the way she worded the question, made it sound harsh, but Clarke wanted to know. Was Lexa going to try and leave? Would Lexa wait around for her?

 

“I–“ Lexa opened her mouth to speak, but stopped when she realized that she would be here all by herself and the thought scared her.

 

Clarke wanted to stay with her. She really did, but she couldn’t keep missing days at the firm. She knew she needed to be there and worried about the well–being of Lexa.

 

“I don’t know.” Lexa admitted. “I could leave while you’re out if you don’t trust me, but Clarke I would never steal from you.”

 

“You stole from your own mothers.” Clarke pointed out and Lexa ducked her head in shame.

 

“I would never– I mean–“ Lexa let out a breath before speaking again. “I wouldn’t do that to you.”

 

“But you would do that to your own family?” Clarke was grilling her with questions, for reasons she didn’t know. She knew deep down that Lexa would never take anything from her, but her lawyer instincts were kicking in and once she started her questioning process, it took just about everything on this earth to get her to stop.

 

“I was in a terrible position and I still am and if you want me to leave, just say so. Stop treating me like one of your clients because I didn’t do anything.”

 

Those were the words Clarke needed to hear. She had a death grip on her fork and put it down, angry lines appearing in her palm.

 

Clarke sighed. She shouldn’t take her anger out on Lexa. She didn’t deserve it.

 

“I just don’t want to leave you is all.” Clarke admitted shyly. “I’ve enjoyed hanging out with you this weekend and this week is going to be stressful, I already know. I won’t get back until seven– maybe even later.”

 

“Then let’s enjoy tonight and we’ll worry about tomorrow later.” Lexa had a smirk on her face and Clarke wondered what she had up her sleeve.

 

Lexa held out her hand and Clarke took it without even thinking about it.

 

She had no idea where she was going, but let Lexa guide her to her bedroom.

 

* * *

 

 

“O!” Raven called out in the dark of the night. Octavia didn’t flinch and Raven huffed. “Octavia!”

  
  
There was still no response. If it wasn’t for Octavia chest occasionally rising and falling, Raven would’ve thought she was dead.

  
  
The banging on the door wasn’t stopping, so Raven pushed roughly on Octavia’s shoulder. “Octavia!”

  
  
Octavia’s eyes flew open and she let out a loud groan. “Gosh, Raven!”

  
  
Octavia rolled over, practically on top of Raven. If it wasn’t for the loud banging on the door that was distracting both girls, Raven had no idea what would’ve happened between them. That thought made her eyes widen.

  
“What do you want?” Octavia mumbled, half asleep.

They had spent the whole evening together, eating and hanging out as usual. Once it was starting to get late, Raven had offered to leave, but Octavia had told her to stay and they fell asleep instantly once their backs hit the bed.

 

“There’s someone at the door. Do you not hear that banging?” Raven grumbled sleepily. Octavia wanted the banging to stop too. Not only because it was making her head hurt, but she knew how cranky Raven was when her sleep was interrupted.“I was in a deep sleep.”

  
  
“Who is at my door at–“ Octavia stopped talking to roll back over and look at the clock. “At two o’clock in the morning?!”

  
  
Octavia’s voice got higher as the words went on. Raven was annoyed by the whole situation. Her body was being surrounded by complete warmth and she just wanted to sleep.

  
  
“Do you think it’s Clarke?” Raven asked curiously, her head tilting to the side, not helping herself by staring at Octavia longingly.

  
  
“The only person besides you that has a key to my apartment is Clarke. She would’ve just came straight in.”

  
  
“Okay well,” Raven huffed in annoyance. “I’m not getting that.”

  
  
“Why would you?” Octavia asked rhetorically, with an eye-roll and slowly got up from the bed.

  
  
She took her time putting her robe over her body and pulling on her slippers. The banging was giving her a headache and Octavia had no clue who could be at her door this late at night.

  
  
She walked angrily over to the door, cursing whoever got her out of bed with such a beautiful woman.

 

“Who is–“ Octavia immediately stopped talking when she looked at the man before her.

  
  
His curls were the shortest Octavia had ever seen them. His face looked worn, probably from years of stress over his job. He was wearing a shoulder bag and a suitcase was by his side.

  
  
“I swear you sleep like you’re dead!” He roared and Octavia was still trying to piece together why her big brother was standing in her doorstep right now. It had been too long.

  
  
“Are you going to let me in or are we going to stand out here all night?” He said, his voice carrying through the hall. He wasn’t doing it on purpose. Bellamy was just naturally loud.

  
  
“Oh right. Yes, come in.” Octavia cleared her throat. She looked back at her room and tried to calm her beating heart. “What are you doing here?”

  
  
She wasn’t trying to be rude. He was living back at home with their mother which was over two hours away. Octavia had no idea why he was here.

  
  
“Do you think we could talk about it in the morning? I’m beat.” Bellamy rubbed his face roughly. Octavia could see the bags under his eyes and gave in.

  
  
“You look like shit, bro.” Octavia clicked her tongue. Bellamy chuckled, but stopped when he heard a thump.

  
  
“Is someone here?” Bellamy looked around curiously, his big brother instincts kicking in.

  
  
“So what if someone was?” Octavia folded her arms around her chest defensively.

  
  
Bellamy looked at Octavia seriously and she sighed.

  
  
“It’s just Raven. She’s just spending the night tonight.” Octavia responded. She didn’t know how to explain to Raven that Bellamy was here.

  
“Oh okay.” Bellamy said easily, immediately relaxing his shoulders. It made Octavia feel slightly better knowing that Bellamy didn’t even bat an eye at Raven being here.

 

“Well, you know where the spare room is. There’s food in the fridge if you’re hungry, but I have to be up early tomorrow so if you don’t mind.”

  
“Yeah, of course.” Bellamy said, walking in the opposite direction to the spare bedroom across the hall.

  
  
Octavia walked back to her room, quickly closing the door behind her. Raven was still in bed, sheets bunched around her body, a questioning look on her face.

  
  
“Who was that?” Raven asked in confusion.

  
  
“It was my brother.” Octavia whispered, looking as if she’d seen a ghost.

  
  
“Bellamy?” Raven scrunched her face up. “Why is he here so late?”

  
  
“I don’t know. He didn’t look so good so I just sent him to bed.”

  
  
“Oh okay.” Raven said quietly. She took the hint that Octavia was probably going to need some space and tried to get up. “I can leave?”

 

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Octavia shook her head, walking over and holding Raven in place. “You can stay. He didn’t even bat an eye that you were here.”

  
  
“I don’t want to make things awkward.” Raven chewed on her bottom lip, twisting her hands together. Everyone knew that her and Bellamy had history and didn’t want to make it worse for Octavia.

  
“Things would already be awkward even if you weren’t here,” Octavia said gently, settling back in bed. “I’m actually glad you’re here.”

  
  
Octavia leaned forward placing a small kiss on Raven’s forehead before they both laid back down in bed together.

  
  
Raven slept a little bit closer tonight. She knew Octavia wasn’t going back to sleep and wrapped her arm around her waist. They didn’t speak. They just laid side by side as the morning sun came up.

  
  
Every emotion that Octavia tried to cover up about her brother being gone, came flooding back and it didn’t help that she couldn’t fall back asleep. Octavia was beyond exhausted and all she wanted to do was sleep, but she knew it wasn’t happening. Not with her brother back under her roof.

 

Octavia smiled at the way Raven was trying to comfort her. She was knocked out beside her, but had her arm wrapped around her protectively. Octavia finally caved and let herself enjoy the way she was being held right now and even though she didn’t fall asleep, she was just glad Raven was right next to her.

 

She didn’t know how to handle this without her.

 

* * *

 

 

It was nearing two in the morning. They’d been going at it for _hours_ and _honestly_ , Clarke would’ve thought that Lexa would get tired by now.

 

But the determined look in her eyes never went away and Clarke knew she was screwed. She tried to hide her yawn and focus her attention on Lexa. The heavy eye–contact that they were making, sent a shiver down Clarke’s spine. She had to be up in a couple hours to get ready for work, but she was enjoying herself. Lexa knew what she was doing and Clarke was having fun. She never wanted to leave this space with Lexa.

 

“Take that.” Lexa said smugly as she threw down three cards. Clarke watched in horror as Lexa put down a wild card and switched the color to blue and proceeded to put down two blue cards of draw 2’s.

 

Clarke was _fucked_.

 

“That’s not fair.” Clarke groaned, but did as she was supposed to, adding four new cards to her stack.

 

Lexa had noticed the stack of Uno cards when they came back to her room the other night. Clarke thought it was silly to play a game she used to play as a child. Her dad used to love the game, always asking her if she wanted to play. Clarke kept the stack of cards by her bedside as a reminder of him.

 

Every time they would think it was the last game, they let their ego’s take over and demanded for a rematch.

 

“You’re really making me work for this.” Clarke muttered under her breath, but she was having an amazing time with Lexa.

 

She looked so cute and relaxed in her pajamas. The stack of cards were between them and they were both on opposite sides of the bed, leaning against the pillows. Clarke never wanted this night to end.

 

“Once I win this, we can go to bed.” Lexa said casually, but there was a teasing smile on her face. Clarke wanted to jump over and wipe it off.

 

(Maybe with her hands… or possibly her lips).

 

“You’re not going to win.” Clarke said as a matter of fact. Clarke knew she had picked up four new cards, but of the three of them were draw four cards. Clarke smiled on the inside because she was taking Lexa down… respectfully.

 

They didn’t talk until the game was over, throwing down cards with childhood excitement. Clarke loved that Lexa was allowing her to see this side of her.

 

Just like with most of her cases, she liked a strong build up. She liked to present all her evidence and demand the attention of the jury. Clarke always liked to wait until the end to complete screw over her opponent and while Clarke felt a little bad, she loved watching Lexa’s smirk fall from her face.

 

Just like with most of her cases, Clarke waited to the very last second to deliver her power move that shook the courtroom and without any words Clarke threw down her last three cards that just so happened to be the draw four cards. Clarke had won; leaving Lexa shocked and with a full stack of cards.

 

“I knew I had it in me.” Clarke nodded to herself, loving the high of this win. It was exhilarating.

 

“I can’t believe this.” Lexa huffed dramatically. “You cheated!”

 

“I did no such thing!” Clarke defended herself with a laugh, gathering up the cards Lexa threw down in anger.

 

She wrapped the rubber–band around them before setting them gently down on her night stand.

 

They both scooted down in the bed and faced each other.

 

“Thanks for that. It was fun.” Clarke said, her smile still on her face. “I feel like I should get something for winning the last round.”

 

Lexa chewed her lip and Clarke feared for her life with the way Lexa’s eyes lit up.

 

“Have you ever been to a animal shelter? I go all the time since I have nothing better to do.” It wasn’t bitter, it was just the truth and Clarke chuckled.

 

“I can’t take in a dog right now.”

 

“Who said anything about a dog?”

 

Suddenly, Clarke didn’t like where this conversation was going.

 

“What else is there? I’m allergic to cats and fish just aren’t my thing.”

 

“Oliver.” Lexa said simply, her eyes shining in the dark.

 

“Who–“

 

“He’s a rabbit. He’s been at the shelter for almost a year. Pet rabbits just aren’t people’s things, I guess but he is adorable. I watch over him all the time. He’s 10 inches long and loves carrots. I just thought–“

 

“A rabbit?” Clarke mumbled more to herself than Lexa.

 

“He’s really cute. I would show you a picture of him, but I don’t have a phone. He has gray fur and a white nose and the cutest ears you’ll ever see.”

 

“So, you want me to meet him?”

 

“It would be an honor. I’m sure he will love your company just as much as I.”

 

“Wow,” Clarke breathed out. “You’re being serious.”

 

Lexa dropped her act for just a second.

 

“If you really don’t want to–“

 

“No, I want to do this.” Clarke had no idea why she was agreeing to this. She didn’t know what was going to happen when she met Oliver. She really wasn’t a bunny type of person, but Lexa seemed genuinely excited about this. Clarke had a really hard time saying no to her.

 

“Really?” Lexa screeched before lunging forward and wrapping her arms around Clarke’s neck. The blonde smiled happily and nodded.

 

“Yes.”

 

_God, what is happening to you?_

 

Clarke told her mind to shut up and continued hugging Lexa and it wasn’t long before sleep overtook both of them.

 

* * *

 

 

Raven had left early in the morning, leaving the Blake siblings alone with each other. Raven checked one last time if Octavia was okay before leaving. Raven knew Octavia wasn’t, but she knew Octavia could handle herself. This wasn’t her battle to fight.

  
  
“Why are you here?” Octavia didn’t want to stall. She didn’t want to sit around the table and act like everything was okay. Things were far from it.

  
  
“I can’t come see my little sister?” Bellamy asked with a small smirk, but Octavia didn’t find it funny.

  
  
“No, you can’t. Since you decided to leave.”

  
  
“O...” Bellamy sighed, but Octavia shook her head firmly.

  
  
“I don’t want to do this, Bell. Just tell me why you’re here.”

  
  
“I can’t tell you why.”

  
  
“You’re here for work, aren’t you?” Octavia asked in disbelief, standing up from her spot. “You don’t give a rat’s ass about me.”

  
  
“Don’t say that.” Bellamy said seriously.

  
  
“If you truly cared about me, you would’ve stayed, but you didn’t–“

  
  
“Octavia stop it–“

  
  
“You left me when I needed you the most!” Octavia yelled. “Tell me what kind of big brother does that?”

  
  
Bellamy didn’t have an answer and Octavia stood there with her hands on her hips, victoriously.

  
  
“I have to go.” Octavia muttered as she looked down at her watch.

  
  
“We need to talk later.” Bellamy said as he followed her to the door.

  
  
“We don’t need to do anything,” Octavia sneered as she put her shoes on. “Are you undercover? Are you here to arrest someone? Why are you here Bellamy? Now, of all times?”

 

“I’m helping someone. Yes, I’m undercover.”

 

Her brother was unbelievable.

 

  
“Typical and you’re going to use my apartment as your work space?”

  
  
“I can leave.” Bellamy said, but they both know he wasn’t serious.

  
  
“Don’t bother. Why don’t you just stay here and make things worse.” Octavia said sarcastically.

  
  
“I’m just here for a couple weeks. Someone hired me as a private detective and I would be crazy to turn down that opportunity.”

  
“But you turned down the other ones?” Octavia asked in bewilderment. “That makes so much sense.”

  
  
“I’m sorry, O.” Bellamy said seriously. “I thought–“

  
  
“You thought nothing, Bellamy.” Octavia cut off angrily.

  
  
“Mom needed me. I thought–“

  
  
“So did I.” Octavia quickly said, the tears already running down her face.

  
  
Bellamy looked like he wanted to come over and hug her, but Octavia glared at him. Bellamy knew better than to mess with Octavia when she was mad, so he put his hands up and surrendered.

  
  
“I’ll let you go now.” That was all Bellamy said as he opened the door. Octavia grabbed her purse and keys and slammed the door behind her.

 

* * *

 

 

It was never easy coming back to the neighborhood she grew up in. Walking down the same sidewalks she did when she was younger with Lexa. It was never easy coming back alone.

  
  
She always felt like she was letting them down that she was coming back to town empty–handed, but she had some news. Some news she hoped they would take well. She felt like she didn’t have any other options.

  
  
She’d done this before, but it fell through. She could preach it a hundred times, and she swore the second she saw her best friend again she was going to slap her for all the trouble she’d gone through just to find her.

 

(You know, after she gave her the biggest and longest hug ever).

  
She understood it. Well... not really, but she understood enough. She understood that her friend was hurt. She understood that her friend was put in a terrible situation and went through something she never could’ve imagined going through. She liked to believe that she understood, but who could ever understand the pain of losing a loved one?

  
  
Anya just wanted her to be okay. She just wanted her to walk beside her and laugh at absolutely nothing. She just wanted to hold her best friend and tell her everything was going to be okay.

 

Anya couldn’t believe this was happening. It had been an entire year and Anya still couldn’t wrap her head around it. She had seen Lexa at her absolute worst and she stayed. Why couldn’t Lexa understand that Anya just wanted to help her?

 

She’d been visiting Lexa’s parents for the past year and she had nothing to tell them. She had zero leads. Anya had completely nothing and it broke her heart to see the disappointed looks on their faces every time.

  
  
She hoped this time would be different. She hoped this time something could actually go her way. She was starting to lose hope and it killed her to admit it.

 

As Anya walked up the familiar driveway, she tried to manage the amount of pain running through her. There were a lot of tears shredded whenever she came down. It would always be an emotional experience.

She put her bag down and knocked on the door three times. They were expecting her, but she thought it was always polite to knock first, even though they tell her it was unnecessary.

  
  
“Oh, Anya!” Luna exclaimed. “You could’ve just came right on in!”

  
  
(See).

  
  
Anya smiled and waved. “It’s always nice to knock beforehand.”

  
  
“You certainly were raised right.” Luna teased as she stepped aside to let Anya in. Luna pulled her in for a long hug, before looking her over.

  
  
“You look beautiful, sweetheart.” Luna whispered softly and Anya flashed her a smile.

  
  
“Thank you. As do you.”

 

“Always the sweet talker.” Luna clicked her tongue and Anya straightened up when she heard Indra walking down the stairs.

  
  
“Hello, Anya.” Indra said warmly and they all silently made their way to the kitchen.

 

“We’re so glad you could come down here, Anya,” Indra sighed happily, pouring Anya a glass of lemonade. “Especially with your busy schedule. Your boss must hate us.”

  
  
“She’s okay with it,” Anya waved it off lightly. Her boss was all too familiar with the situation by now. “I’m happy that I’m here.”

  
  
Anya hesitated for a moment, something she rarely did around Lexa’s parents. She took a sip of her lemonade, licking her lips to savor the taste. She was aware that she had their attention by the way she was acting.

  
  
“I– I did something,” Anya stuttered out, looking up at them like they knew how to fix the situation. “I hired someone and I don’t know if I should’ve.”

  
  
“You hired someone?” Luna asked in confusion.

  
  
“A private detective. I read a ton of reviews and apparently, he’s really good at what he does. He could help us. He could help us find her.” Anya pleaded her case, looking at both of them with wide eyes. “He could be our only shot.”

  
  
“And what if he can’t?” Indra asked, suddenly angry. “What if he can’t find my Alexandria? Then what do we do?”

  
  
“We hire someone else,” Anya said easily. “We’ll hire a whole damn team if we have to, but I’m running out of options. I don’t even know if she’s in town or not.”

  
  
“I’m tired of answering questions,” Indra whispered, exhausted from the emotional toll of her daughter missing was taking on her. “I’m tired of them coming back with nothing. I just want to go back. I just want everything to go back to the way it was.”

  
  
“You know it could never.” Luna said quietly from the other side of the kitchen. “One daughter is dead and the other is missing. It’ll never go back to how it was.”

  
  
“Bellamy could help us. That’s his name. I’ll give you all his information if you want, but technically he’s already started the investigation.”

  
  
“I would like to speak with him.” Indra said seriously.

  
  
“I can have that arranged.” Anya nodded.

  
  
“Thank you.” Luna chimed in. “For everything. We don’t know if we could’ve gotten through this past year without you.”

“Thank you for being here for me too.” Anya smiled. She loved Lexa’s moms.

 

“There’s actually something we wanted to talk to you about.” Luna hesitated, just like Anya had done moments before.

 

Indra sighed deeply as Luna walked further into the kitchen.

 

“Costia contacted us.” Luna brought up as she sat down across from Anya.

 

“She did?” Anya asked in shock. “What did... what did she say?”

 

“She got a job offer overseas. We asked her if she’s heard anything about Lexa.” Indra answered as Luna leaned against the counter, hanging her head.

  
  
“What did she say?”

  
  
“Nothing,” Indra sighed out. “She’s heard nothing, but she could be lying, maybe covering for Lexa. This happened a couple days ago.”

  
  
Anya processed the information with a frown. “Costia is a lot of things, but she wouldn’t lie about something when it comes to Lexa. I believe she’s telling the truth.”

  
  
“You know she’s right.” Luna said to Indra, making her wife glare into space.

  
  
“This whole situation is stressing me out. Of course, she has to be as dramatic as to run away when things–“

  
  
“Indra, please!” Luna cut her off. “Stop it!”

  
  
“She needs to come home, because we have a lot to talk about. She can’t just bail when things get tough. I couldn’t leave. You couldn’t leave, but she gets to leave. For what, Luna? For what?!” Indra finished her rant with an angry glare at her wife, but her wife didn’t look bother. She looked used to it.

 

Indra has always been hard on Lexa, even when she a little girl. Luna was the nicer one, and Indra looked for anything minor that Lexa did, to correct her.

  
  
Anya knew that Indra loved Lexa from the bottom of her heart, but they’ve always had a complicated relationship and it only got worse after Lexa’s sister died.

  
  
They didn’t talk about Aubrey Woods in this house. Not anymore. Every time she was brought up, an argument broke out.

 

“I’m sorry.” Indra apologized after. “I didn’t mean to raise my voice.”

  
  
“It’s alright,” Anya said, a little wary. Indra scared her sometimes. “We’re all just a bit tense.”

  
  
“We have been for the past year. When are things going to change?”

  
  
“I don’t know.” Anya whispered helplessly, looking at the two women that practically raised her. “I don’t know, but maybe this detective will gives us the closure we need.”

 

“I’m just so worried.” Indra sighed out. Anya knew that Indra loved Lexa. Everyone here did and Anya knew that she made the right decisions, looking into the terrified eyes of these two women.

 

Anya was going to get Lexa back for them. She just hoped Detective Blake knew what he was doing.

 

* * *

 

 

“Come on!” Lexa said from in front of her. “Walk a little faster!”

 

Clarke was trying to catch up as fast as she could, but she was still in her heels and skirt. The wind was slapping her in the face. A constant reminder that what she was doing was crazy, but Clarke still had a wide smile on her face.

 

“Wait up!” Clarke said, practically chasing after Lexa. She wondered how she had so much energy on a Tuesday night.

 

They weren’t too far from the shelter. Clarke knew this part of town. She used to drive through it on her way to work.

 

Lexa was practically already in the building by the time Clarke caught up to her.

 

Lexa greeted the two workers before making a beeline to the back. Clarke walked a bit slower, not knowing where she was. She smiled politely at the teenage boy behind the front desk and the slightly older man behind him that was staring way too long at her torso.

 

“Lexa!” Clarke hissed.

 

There were dogs and cats all around her in cages, meowing and barking at seeing a new face. Clarke swallowed roughly when she found Lexa crouched down by a cage in the back.

 

“Okay, she’s coming. Just like we rehearsed.” Clarke heard Lexa say before standing up and motioning to the bunny behind her.

 

“Clarke, this is Oliver James.” Lexa announced proudly. The bunny walked up to the front of the cage and Clarke swore he was smiling at her.

 

“Oliver, say hi.” Lexa instructed and held out her hand for Clarke to take. Clarke placed her hand softly in Lexa’s and the brunette guided it down to Oliver’s mouth.

 

Clarke immediately tried to pull away, but Lexa was looking at her with soft eyes and she knew Lexa would never hurt her.

 

“It’s okay.” Lexa kept her voice low, so she didn’t startle Oliver. “He’s going to nibble it, but he won’t bite.”

 

The sensation was very foreign to Clarke. She couldn’t say she ever had a bunny nibble her fingers before, but it tickled and when he was done, Oliver was still smiling at her.

 

Lexa was nodding in approval and Clarke chuckled.

 

“He’s very cute.” Clarke found herself saying, before frowning. This was a bunny she was talking about, but Clarke couldn’t deny it. He was so _cute_.

 

“I was hoping you’d like him.”

 

“Will Oliver James be going home with you, little Lex?” A man suddenly appeared behind Clarke, creeping her out. His eyes were on Clarke, but he was talking to Lexa.

 

“I’m not quite sure, Gus. She needs a bit more convincing.” And of course, Lexa would become friends with the owner of the animal shelter.

 

“How much convincing does she need? Oliver James here is free. I was sure that would get him off the market.”

 

“I don’t know anything about raising a bunny. I mean how old is he?”

 

“Two years old.” Lexa answered before Gustus could.

 

“He’s young and he would need a lot of attention–“

 

“Not all bunnies like being held, but Oliver here, is very affectionate.” Lexa told her and Clarke was amazed about how much she knew about him.

 

Lexa looked down at Oliver for a second before turning to Gustus.

 

“Can we have a moment alone?”

 

“Sure thing, kiddo.” Gustus said, not before taking another longingly look at Clarke.

 

“He creeps me out.” Clarke immediately said once the tall man left.

 

“He’s harmless. Recently divorced and thinks he still has it.”

 

“Is this where you come when you’re not at the bridge?” Clarke couldn’t keep the curiosity from getting to her.

 

“Sometimes, not all the time. Gustus knows of the situation. Well, at least what I've told him. He’s tried taking me in many times, but I decline. He always has cookies out for me.” Lexa answered, turning her focus back to Oliver.

 

“I know I don’t have a place to live and I don’t want you to think that I’m suckering you into doing this because you can afford it. I just thought–“

 

“I don’t think that, Lexa.” Clarke said seriously.

 

“He’s just really cute and he’s free now because Gustus is really losing hope that no one will ever take him. I would take him, but I can’t, and I know if he was with you, he would be safe because that’s how you make me feel.”

 

“Oh, Lexa.” Clarke sighed out in awe. Oliver had big green eyes just like Lexa and Clarke was totally being suckered right now.

 

“You trained him to do this.” The bunny was still looking up at her with big, sad green eyes and even though Lexa was trying to hide her smirk, Clarke could see right through her.

 

“Maybe,” Lexa revealed. “Who can say no to those green eyes?”

 

“I know I can’t.” Clarke said softly, suddenly not talking about the bunny behind them. Lexa looked up hopefully before clearing her throat.

 

This idea honestly shocked Clarke. She knew that getting a dog was a terrible idea because she was never home. She had no idea what a rabbit would do or what they ate or anything about them really.

 

But the fact that Lexa could be home watching over the rabbit while she was at work, was a very, _very_ nice picture Clarke was imagining and she had been sold since then.

 

“Oh my god! Yes!” Lexa fist–pumped. “Gustus she said yes!”

 

Lexa ran out of the room and Clarke was left alone with the rabbit who was still giving her pity eyes.

 

“You can stop your little act now.” Clarke hissed lightly and watched in amazement how his eyes turned back to normal.

 

Clarke sat back and let Lexa do most of the talking. She knew they needed to go to the pet store and Lexa took control of that, because Clarke had no idea what she was doing.

 

But watching a light turn on in Lexa that Clarke knew had been out for years, was enough for Clarke to know she made the right decision.

 

* * *

 

 

Clarke had to purchase something called a cage condo for the rabbit if Clarke really wasn’t going to around that much. She had purchased so much hay she thought she was going to be living on a farm. She had brought carrots too because she knew that was something Oliver liked to munch on.

 

Lexa said she needed to keep cardboard in his cage and around the house just in case he wanted to chew on something. Lexa warned her that she should keep her door closed at all times if Oliver was ever on the loose.

 

There were many things that Lexa was talking about that Clarke didn’t understand as they got an Uber back to her loft.

 

But Oliver sat in his little cage in Lexa’s lap, all the things they’d bought him in the trunk of the Uber’s truck.

 

Lexa was petting him through the slits of the cage and Clarke just watched. She watched these two beautiful figures bond with each other and smiled again.

 

“I can’t believe I bought a rabbit!” Clarke exclaimed as they got into the elevator.

 

Lexa was all smiles as they made their way upstairs.

 

And when Clarke opened the door, Lexa looked down at the rabbit and said:

 

“This is your new home.”

 

It melted Clarke’s heart all over again.

 

It took them over an hour to get the cage together. It was three floors and Lexa had just finished putting the hay down. There was a litter box in the bathroom just off the kitchen and the reality of having a bunny now was settling in.

 

They both decided to give him a full loft tour when they weren’t so exhausted and hungry.

 

Lexa said that she needed to have her loft bunny proofed and Clarke figured that could happen tomorrow, but for now, Clarke sat next to Lexa who was munching on the pizza they had just bought.

 

“He’s so cute.” Lexa had spent the majority of her time just watching Oliver. Clarke couldn’t lie. The bunny was pretty captivating. He seemed to like his new home and Clarke was happy to have him.

 

_God, what is wrong with you?_

 

“You make me really happy.” Lexa said around a mouthful of pizza.

 

Clarke watched in slight amusement as Lexa’s eyes went wide, but she stuttered.

 

“That’s not what–“ Lexa swallowed down her pizza hard. “Did I just say that out loud?”

 

Clarke could feel the awkward wafting off of Lexa and thought it was kinda cute.

 

“You did.” Clarke said, keeping it casual, over her fast-beating heart.

 

“Well, you do,” Lexa admitted. “I’ve been really happy these past few days. Sometimes I don’t know how to show it and I know I have my ups and downs but you make it better, Clarke. I just feel– I feel– I don’t know.”

 

There was a silence as Lexa finished talking. The only sound was Oliver roaming around his new cage.

 

Clarke was trying not to freak out inside because she didn’t want to scare Lexa.

 

They didn’t talk much after that. Clarke didn’t know what to say and everything she wanted to say, would just make things more awkward.

 

When they finished up dinner and made sure Oliver had everything that he needed, they both went to go put their plates in the sink.

 

“Lexa.” Clarke called. She didn’t know why because for the next few seconds, she stood there. Paralyzed.

 

But then Lexa called her name and something snapped within Clarke. She was sick of pretending.

 

“Clarke.” Lexa called softly, wondering what the blonde wanted.

 

It wasn’t hard to piece it together. Lexa’s eyes were growing darker by the minute and Clarke grabbed a hold of her.

 

She pulled her in roughly by her neck and before she could think about it anymore, leaned in for a kiss.

 

This time their lips met. There was no interruptions or hesitations. It was pure want that took over their bodies as Clarke pushed against Lexa and trapped the girl into a corner.

 

Clarke was tasting everything Lexa and was loving it. She was tasting the chapstick she used earlier on and the sweet but bitter taste of the pizza she had for dinner.

 

Clarke’s heart was hammering in her chest, but she didn’t know what was going to happen in the days to come. Lexa was probably going to hate her guts and never talk to her again. And Clarke would’ve been damned if she didn’t get to taste Lexa before she bailed on her.

 

Clarke didn’t want to think that way, but it was the only way she could think. She was sorely screwing things up for herself and didn’t think kissing Lexa was going to make it better, but she wasn’t going to stop now.

 

Not with the eagerness Lexa was kissing her with. The brunette was pulling her in and Clarke had her full attention.

 

The way Lexa moved against her, the way she held her hips in place and kissed her speechless, made a moan rumble through Clarke.

 

She was embarrassed (really embarrassed) but she was loving the way Lexa wasn’t holding back. She was loving the way Lexa was losing herself in her. Lexa wanted this just as much as she did and it made Clarke kiss her harder.

 

She didn’t mean to be so aggressive with it. Her hands were gripping Lexa’s shoulders tightly. She never wanted this to end. She never wanted Lexa to pull away because if she did, Clarke felt like she was going to lose her sense of self.

 

“Clarke.” Lexa mumbled out as she tilted her head to deepen the kiss.

 

The air was becoming thick between them and Clarke knew they were going to have to pull away soon. But for now, Clarke trailed her hands up to Lexa’s neck and into her hair, grabbing a fist–full of hair.

 

Clarke captured Lexa’s bottom lip, making it hers before biting down on it. She loved the way Lexa whimpered against her, before the brunette pulled away.

 

“I need a minute. I feel like I can’t breathe.” Lexa panted out, pupils fully blown and looking as gorgeous as ever even in something as simple as sweatpants.

 

“I think that would be for the best. I can’t have you passing out on me.” Clarke was trying to joke, but all she was thinking about was Lexa’s lips. She wanted them back on hers. Kissing her speechless and tracing all her secrets. She wanted Lexa in the worst way. A way that left them both sweaty and exhausted, but she didn’t want to freak her out.

 

“We should go to bed.” Clarke suggested after a few minutes. Lexa was standing in the corner breathing heavily, but she wasn’t looking at her.

 

“That might be best.”

 

Lexa stopped at the door of the room she tried to sleep in on her first night here. Clarke tried not to let her disappointment show. She knew they just had a make–out session of the century, but she needed Lexa by her. Because she was confused and tired of lying to everyone.

 

It made her heart stop when Lexa looked up at her with questioning eyes. Clarke knew what she was asking and nodded.

 

“Please.” Clarke begged as she held out her hand.

 

Lexa took it with ease and Clarke lead them to her bedroom.

 

* * *

 

 

There was banging on a door that woke Clarke up bright and early the next morning. She needed to be up early anyways for work and sighed at Lexa still sleeping soundly in her bed.

 

And then her eyes widen because she didn’t know who was at her door.

 

But the knocking wasn’t stopping and it needed to if she wanted Lexa to stay asleep.

 

Clarke jumped out of bed, practically running to the door. She quickly opened it and her blood ran thin when she saw who it was.

 

“Hey, boss! I just wanted to bring over breakfast for letting me skip Monday. I know how much you like Jerry’s Cafè.”

 

Clarke’s heart was pumping in her chest. Her mouth ran dry and it was hard to swallow as she took in her assistant already dressed for the day.

 

“I also figured that–“

 

“Anya, what are you doing here?” Clarke couldn’t believe this was happening.

 

_No, this couldn’t be happening._

 

Because Lexa was sound asleep in her bed and her assistant who also happened to be Lexa’s best friend, Lexa’s best friend who’d been looking for her for over a year now was standing at her doorstep.

 

_No, this couldn’t be happening._

 

“Just seeing if you needed a ride to work and is that… a rabbit?“

 

Clarke heard it before she shoved Anya out of her loft. It was faint, but she heard the movement of her bed and she heard footsteps walking toward them. Clarke didn’t know how she had gotten so lucky that Lexa didn’t call out for her, but she was thankful for it.

 

“Anya, please you have to leave.” Clarke said as she shut her door, praying Lexa wouldn’t come out. She normally didn’t because she didn’t know who was around. “I will meet you at the firm but this is unprofessional.”

 

Clarke was trying to say anything to get Anya to leave before Lexa came out. Sure, it may have been a little unprofessional, but it wasn't uncommon for them to have breakfast together. Clarke could tell by the look in Anya's eyes, that she had many questions floating through her brain, but this wasn’t how she wanted this to happen. This wasn’t how she was going to _let_ this happen. She wanted to sit down and tell them both. She knew was running out of time and tried to push Anya in the direction of the elevators.

 

“I guess it’s a little unprofessional, but you don’t have any trans–“

 

“Anya, please go!” Clarke shouted, shoving Anya once more before the brunette got the hint and turned away. She glanced over her shoulder in curiosity, but Clarke was already back inside with a confused Lexa standing in the middle of the room.

 

Clarke felt like she’d been caught. Did Lexa hear Anya? Did Anya hear Lexa? Clarke was already thinking of a million excuses. Anything to keep Lexa from getting mad.

 

Clarke was getting ready to open her mouth, when Lexa asked:

 

“Who was at the door?”

 

“Just some bible salesman. He was very committed, but I told him no thank you.” Clarke lied and Lexa nodded easily. “Did you hear us?”

 

“No. That’s why I came out here.” Lexa answered and Clarke tried to calm her beating heart. She knew she looked suspicious but that was a close call.

 

“Can I make you breakfast before you leave?” Lexa asked, completely oblivious to what had just happened moments before. 

 

“I would like that.” Clarke walked into the kitchen with the girl she had kissed last night with a beating heart at seeing her assistant.

 

Clarke didn’t need to think it this time: She already knew she fucked up.


End file.
